60…59…58…57…
I hold my breath.
56…55…54…53…
My hand automatically moves to my pocket.
52…51…50…49…
I pull out a small wooden ball.
48…47…46…45…
I let out my breath. My breathing is shallow and shaky.
44…43…42…41…
Goodbye, I think. Goodbye mother, goodbye father, goodbye Syd, little sister. Goodbye Col, I've loved you as long as I remember, you made these last few long awaited months special. Goodbye grandmother, I loved you more than I ever told you. Goodbye Emmy and Joslyn and Kylah and Libby and Sora and Ev. Goodbye to me. I'll miss you all so much.
40…39…38…37…
My memories dance before my eyes… When I was seven and I broke my ankle falling out of a tree, father carrying me home. On my eighth birthday, when I ate cake for the first time. Col kissing me under the crescent moon on our first real date last September. And so many more. Little glimpses of life, flashing by me so fast I have almost no time to remember.
36…35…34…33
But I do remember.
32…31…30…29…
I remember where I am. Who I was. Who I was going to be.
28…27…26…25…
I remember my chances.
24…23…22…21…
And I decide.
20…19…18…17…
I have no time.
16…15…14…13…
Goodbye.
12…11… BOOM!