Well, this is my first Deathnote fic, so enjoy.
Dear Friend,
I suppose I should start by telling you who I am, I know I wrote friend, but we don't know each other, and probably never will, but my name is Matt. My doctor told me it might be good to write letters or something like this, he said it might make me feel less lonely, I don't really see how that could work since I'm basically writing to myself, but it makes him feel better if I actually do the things he tells me, like taking my medication. I don't generally do what I'm supposed to, sometimes the doctors and my family get mad at me, not like they really care, my family sort of caused all of this, not like they know. I should probably also tell you that I'm a second year in high school, I get pretty good grades, my family always saying to go for a higher A next time, I'm sort of a freak to most of the school, I don't really like to talk to anyone anyway, so it's okay. I have a few friends, I don't know if I can really call them friends or not, but sometimes they sit with me at lunch, I think it's out of pity. One kid's name is Near, he's got white hair, he's kinda creepy. Much like his older brother L, they look a lot alike, L is just three years older, he's a senior. Light likes to sit with us sometimes, and his annoying girlfriend Misa. She never shuts up and sometimes I kind of want to hit her, but my dad raised me to be a good boy and not hit girls. I don't really talk to them, I think they just run out of space and decide to sit at the empty table I occupy. They know my name, that I take advanced classes, and that I enjoy video games, but not much else. My life at home isn't exactly enjoyable, my parents constantly want me to do better and be better than I really am. It's hard sometimes, they get mad because I waste all of my time on the internet or playing games, I only do that so I can get away from them for a bit. They expect me to be perfect and I just can't do it, there are days when it's too much and I just break, I still manage to smile, but they can't see the sadness on my face because my goggles prevent them from seeing my eyes. I've had these goggles since about 8th grade, I feel like they provide a shield, so no one can see the real me. My parents sent me to the doctor after my first failed attempt at suicide. I was in a hospital for a few months, and eventually they deemed me sane enough to send home all hyped up on meds. I still see a psychiatrist once a week, this is why I'm writing to you as of now. I suppose I should get going though, my parents are making dinner and are going to force me to eat it with them, yay. Time to be subjected to more emotional abuse.
-Matt
Dear Friend,
Dinner last night wasn't too bad, it was quiet which was nice, probably because my other brother has gone away to college, and so there's really nothing for my parents to talk about with me about other than school, which isn't my favorite thing to talk about. I was alone at lunch again today, I'm used to it by now, I saw L look over at me a few times, but other than that nothing really exciting happened. Well, we did get a new kid, he's in my grade and we're in all the same classes. His name is Mello, the office made me show him around since we're in the same classes, he sits next to me in them all as well. We didn't talk much, he seemed a little scary to me so I only showed him the classes and left him to do whatever he wanted. He looks kind of like a girl, his blonde hair even goes down to his shoulders, but he wears an outfit made entirely out of leather, and he has this burn mark on most of his face. I probably looked like one of those weird nerds to him, but that's okay. He only asked for my name and my grade and then we didn't talk after that. I hope I can get to know Mello a little more, maybe he and I could actually be friends, I've never had real friends before. I think Misa tries to be my friend, but she's just too loud and obnoxious for me, Mello met her today at lunch. He just kind of glared at her, I could tell he didn't like her very much. I don't think he likes Near or Light either. I don't think he likes anyone really. It's kind of hard to tell, he seems to have this perpetual glare, even the teachers are afraid to talk to him. Well, I still have some AP Chem homework to do, so it's better if I leave this for now.
-Matt
Dear Friend,
It's been a few days since I wrote in here, I figured I should wait so you don't have to listen to me drone on and on everyday. I managed to talk to Mello a few times this week, I learned that he loves chocolate (he's always eating a chocolate bar) and that he wears a rosary, and well, he's rather violent. He beat up a few kids the other day, I don't know why though. He also stated how much he hates Near, he mentioned something about axes and Near's head. It was a bit scary to be honest. He tried to take my goggles off too, I stabbed him with my pencil though, he didn't try again after that.
Mello stopped reading in the middle of the third letter. "Hey Matt, what are these?" He held up the papers for his goggled friend to see. The redhead looked up form his game to see.
"Those are just some letters the doc made me write while I was in school, it was right around the time I met you, I have more." Matt stated, quickly returning his attention to his game. Mello sifted through the pages, they were all hand written in the sloppy half cursive, half printing that Matt has. The blond smiled to himself as he continued to read through the letters.
"You talked about me a lot in these." Matt looked up, his cheeks a bit red. "Well, yea, you were my first real friend since basically forever." Matt replied, tugging at the sleeves of his shirt. "I think there are some letters dedicated just to you, it may seem a bit creepy but it's true." The redhead put his game down and moved to sit on the floor next to Mello. The two were now roommates in College, Mello was studying to be a detective and a lawyer, while Matt went in to Art and Game Design. The two were currently sitting on the floor of their shared dorm, they agreed to share due to their slight anti-social and psychopathic tendencies, it was more for Mello actually. Mello had some anger management issues, it was never really bad when he was around Matt, the redhead was quiet and observant so he knew what subjects were okay to talk about and which weren't. A comfortable silence had fallen between the two, Mello continued to read through a few of the letter as Matt continued beating some boss in DragonAge.
"This one is from when we actually first started hanging out together, you wrote in such detail, from what I looked like to everything we actually did that day." Mello looked toward his friend, "Why did you pay attention to every little thing?" The blonde asked as he saw Matt's cheeks flush. "I...I didn't really have anyone else to pay attention to, or to care about, or really anything at all when we first met, you're different and interesting. You remember everything right? That was just after I had come back from the mental hospital for the second time, news had spread all through school. You stood up for me and well...It made me feel like I mattered to someone. I began to pay attention to every little detail, everything about you. You were my new addiction, like self destruction had been." Matt ended quietly.
"Everyone has their ups and downs Matt, yours just seemed to be more frequent than others, I've been down there too, after I moved here I vowed never to fall again. I heard the rumors and the horrible things people were saying about you and I couldn't take it, so I did something about it." Mello stated matter-o-factly. This made the redhead smile a little, and he wrapped an arm around the blondes shoulders. "Man, where would I be without you?"
"Probably snorting crack and smoking weed in the girl's bathroom" Mello had returned to looking through the pages and letters, "Did you write these all four years of high school?"
"Yea, the doc wanted me to continue writing for who knows why but I still did it. It was rather soothing actually." Matt abandoned his game and picked up a few letters. "Hey, this one was when we got into that car crash and our parents fought over who caused it, and mine said it was my fault, and your parents said it was yours. That was a fun day, although having crutches for a few weeks wasn't as fun as I thought it would be." He laughed as he read through the letter, showing it to Mello. The blonde tore his eyes away from the letter in his hand and looked at the one Matt was holding, he had that big goofy grin on his face, it was the one he always got when he beat a new video game, Mello could even see that his eyes were crinkled through his orange goggles. The blonde gave his own small smile in return. Laughing as he read.
"I swear all of these are about me, or something we did together. I must be a fucking angel or some shit." Mello laughed as he put the papers down. He collapsed on the carpet. "I can't believe we've known each other for 5 years already."
"I can't either, and here my parents thought you were a bad influence on me." Matt laughed as he rolled onto his stomach. "If anyone was a bad influence it was definitely Light, or Misa. Misa was so screwed up." Mello laughed. "Remember the time that Light and Misa got caught in the principal's office having sex? That was a great announcement, I can't believe she actually held the button down for the speakers I knew she wasn't bright but holy shit that was dumb." Matt was hyperventilating by now, not being able to catch his breath between his laughter.
"Oh! Remember when L got yelled at in the hall for hauling around a shopping cart full of candy and cake? That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen, the nurse looked so worried about him. I remember she kept trying to them from him and he just continued walking, that was a great day." Mello's smile gradually grew wider as he talked, he had always idolized L, sure Matt was a little jealous, but L wasn't Mello's best friend, he was, so that had to count for something. It was nice to see the blonde smile though, he rarely smiled. Matt supposed it was true for the both of them, they never really smiled sincerely, only when they were around each other. It was just one of those things shared between the two.
"I'm kinda hungry..." Matt trailed off as his stomach growled. "You're always hungry, your stomach is basically a black hole." The blonde deadpanned. Matt laughed, "You have no idea how true that is."
"I've known you since high school dipshit I think I do know." Mello repsonded, punching Matt lightly. The redhead had a small smile on his face. Mello studied his face out of the corner of his eye, Matt had always been a bit pale, with bright red hair, and even though most didn't know he had vibrant green eyes hidden behind the orange goggles, his smile was so goofy too, when he really smiled it showed all of his teeth, even the slightly crooked ones far in the back of his mouth. Mello loved that smile, he loved making Matt smile and laugh, it always felt rewarding.
Matt was still smiling at Mello, he had always been slightly tanner than Matt, which made him a bit jealous. He still had shoulder length blonde hair, and he still wears leather, he was a bit taller than Matt, which the redhead also envied. The burn mark was from Mello's childhood, Matt doesn't mention it because he never wanted Mello to have to relieve the memories, he heard the story once, and that was all he needed. The smile that Mello had, it was beautiful, his teeth were white and straight as could be, it was like having an angel look at you and smile. Matt laughed internally at the thought, Mello would be one violent angel.
The rest of the night was spent reading through more of Matt's letters, and laughing about memories, it was a nice way to end their last night before exams.