Lys Summers
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Written for, and beta-ed by Amet - how I love this girl :)
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He's got that look in his eyes again. Staring off into space, that penetrating violet gaze that sees so far into me now clouded by his thoughts. I worry sometimes, you know. With walls as thick as his I can only scratch the surface of his mind - with effort I could go deeper, but not without drawing his attention. So I lie here in silence; shooting him concerned looks from half-lidded eyes, trying to keep up the pretence of sleep.
Tsuzuki is a comforting warmth in the chilly bedroom, his strong arms are hooked around my waist, while I'm sprawled across him with my head resting on his chest. From my vantage point I can clearly see the faraway look that's haunting his eyes, head turned to gaze out the window bright with early morning sun. I can hear his heart beating steadily against my cheek and I take a minute just to bask in this feeling, this lazy contentment.
I can't tell what is going on in Tsuzuki's mind right now, but it's not like I'm sensing anything out of the ordinary. Sometimes Tsuzuki just seems to be drowning in pain - his guilt, his loss. It hurts me as much as it does him, but thankfully those moments are now very few and far-between. It wasn't always that way. After Kyoto… god, it was almost too much to bear. It was strange - to know that under that smiling mask was someone who hurt so much. In a way it brought me even closer to Tsuzuki, our mutual pain. He makes it go away, makes me hurt less inside, and I know that I do the same for him. I can see it in the way he smiles honestly now, it's no longer just a front. The way he laughs quietly, his eyes shining just for me. It hasn't been easy, but now that we've had time I know that it was worth it, every tear and every lingering touch. There was no great epiphany, no flash of light. It just… well, it just is.
Relationships don't just start when two people utter clichéd lines and start trying to ram their tongues down each other's throats. Maybe I sound a little crude, but honestly, sometimes words only cheapen things. It's the little actions, the subtle looks and gestures that set the tone. What I'm trying to say is that Tsuzuki and I, we didn't just dump our feelings on each other and share a magical kiss to guarantee our 'Happily Ever (and I do mean ever) After.' It took time to open up and put our pasts behind us. Our relationship started to grow the night he saved me in Nagasaki, and it hasn't stopped changing to this day.
On the surface maybe a lot hasn't changed. I still call Tsuzuki the idiot that he so often can be, and he still whines about my cruelty. He still procrastinates and I give him hell. If people were expecting some magical change when we got together I won't hesitate to call them stupid, because it's the truth. Why should people change when they're in a relationship? If you change, then aren't you just messing around with all the reasons you got together anyways? If Tsuzuki started bringing around flowers and spouting poetry he wouldn't be himself, he'd be… well, he'd be a lot like Muraki, and that's just something I don't even want to think about.
I can't repress a faint shudder that creeps up no thanks to the direction my thoughts have taken, and all of a sudden the arms around my waist tighten. Glancing up, I'm a bit startled to realize that Tsuzuki is now quite alert, and has turned his pensive gaze on me. Trying not to flush under the close scrutiny, I pull my mouth into a frown and narrow my eyes. "So, you finally decided to acknowledge my presence, then?"
He only smiles. "I could say the same for you."
Biting my lip to keep myself from stammering something that would break my façade of calm, I try to ignore the feelings now drifting in from Tsuzuki. "Well, I didn't want to disturb you. Apparently you didn't feel the same."
Again, he just fixed that silly grin on me, and the look in his eyes made me squirm. "I guess I don't. But you look so cute with your forehead all wrinkled when you're thinking hard…"
"Idiot!" I snap, wondering not for the first time just where he gets his nerve. "I was thinking about you thinking."
"Well, what if I was thinking about you?"
A few seconds, some muttered curses, and a set of twisted sheets later, I'm looking up into Tsuzuki's face just inches from my own, his idiotic smile beaming down at me. My damned cheeks are bright red, I'm sure.
There's a lot that hasn't changed.
And as he leans down to kiss me, and the feelings came flooding in, I smile into his parted lips.
On the other hand, some things have. And I don't mind at all.
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