Authors Note: WARNING: CONTAINS DRUG USE. I know it's hard to believe, but I have never had a drink of alcohol. Also hard to believe, other than legal drugs, taken as prescribed, I've never done drugs either. SO what follows is based only on research and my experience with people who have taken drugs. Sadly, I've known plenty. Based on of the 10 IPod challenges I did to The Shins song Red Rabbits. This fic fueled on a huge bag of candy orange slices and a Costco size can of macadamia nuts. Oh, not betaed, but thanks to Eve215 for reading it over for me and egging me on.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist, from which I stole Jane, Lisbon and Red John. I don't own Red Rabbits, which was the inspiration for this originally. I don't own The Guardian, from which I got the final inspiration for this, and also the blue mystic. Honestly, any Simon Baker fan out there that gets Sleuth should be watching it. Sure it's depressing but it's still good.

Blue Mystic

The good pills were hard to come by. He'd told Lisbon once that he only got them from doctors, but he had lied. He also got them from a kid on the corner downtown. Doctors ask too many questions. They want to know why you want the pills they tell you they are concerned that you take too much. It's hard to get the good pills from doctors. That's why he frequented the boy on the corner. He didn't worry about getting caught; he was only living for revenge anyway. The worst that would happen is a little jail time, and besides, Lisbon could get him off if he asked.

Sometimes he got more than just sleeping pills. Tonight the kid had sold him something new. A few little tiny pills that were blue and, according to the boy, the best trip he'd ever had. He called it Blue Mystic. He didn't know if he should believe him or not, but, he bought four of the little pills, and a bag full of his regular sleeping pills. How the doctor thought that a month's supply was only 30 pills was beyond him.

He had waited to get back to his house to take the pills. He didn't like to take something new in an unfamiliar place. He also didn't by his drugs from dealers he didn't know. He had met people before Red John destroyed his life that had done that, bought things from people they didn't know. It was a good way to end up in jail, or the hospital. But either way, he wanted to be off the road, just in case.

He was now lying on the floor on his bed room, staring at the smile on the wall. The only thing the boy had told him was to drink plenty of water, and to "Enjoy the ride man." The room was spinning around his head and he rolled over onto his stomach his head spinning in a pleasant way.

He felt like Alice, falling down the rabbit hole, only, that wasn't a white rabbit he saw hopping along his room, it was red, red and smiling at him. He had to chase it; it was going to lead him to Red John! He knew it! He just had to catch it.

Stumbling up, he followed after the rabbit, calling for him to come back. He had to catch it. Wait! He knew what he could do, he could call Lisbon. She would help him catch the rabbit; she would help him get Red John. He ran back to his room and grabbed his cell phone. He waited for her to answer the phone and brushed off her protests of the late hour. She had to come help him catch the Red Rabbit.

"Jane, do you know what time it is?" Lisbon said when he had finally managed to get her to wake up enough to realize who was on the phone.

"You have to help me catch the Red Rabbit." Jane said looking at the rabbit as it stood huddled in the corner. Was it imagination or was the rabbit getting taller.

"A rabbit Jane? Call animal control or an exterminator." Lisbon sounded annoyed, obviously she didn't understand.

"No, he's going to lead me to Red John, but I can't catch him" Jane lunged after the rabbit but he hopped off. Jane chased after him again trying to corner him so he couldn't get away.

"What? Are you drunk?" She sounded pissed now and Jane could hear the sounds of her getting out of bed.

"No, I don't like alcohol; it gives me a head ache and makes you throw up." The Red Rabbit was now considerably taller, and, was he wearing clothes? He must be the cousin of the White Rabbit.

"Drugs! You've been doing drugs!" He heard her car start and smiled as he lunged for the rabbit again who, this time, hopped off upright, on his back two legs.

"What, you know that. You even sent me to a doctor once yourself to get some." He followed the rabbit down the stairs.

"Sleeping pills Jane, not illegal hallucinogens." He could tell she was speeding, just by the sound of her wheels on the slightly wet pavement. When had it started raining?

"I'm pretty sure it's legal in the Netherlands." The Rabbit was hiding by the fireplace. He had to keep him from hopping up the flew, isn't that how the White Rabbit got away from Alice at some point? He couldn't remember if it was closed or not, but judging from the draft, it wasn't.

"We don't live in the Netherlands Jane. We live in America, in California to be exact. And in the state of California they don't like law enforcement professionals who do illegal drugs." She sounded scared, but why? It was just a rabbit.

"It's just a rabbit Lisbon. I just need to catch the rabbit so I can find Red John. The Red Rabbit is going to lead me to Red John, I just can't get it. I think he's going to go up the chimney."

He heard Lisbon sigh. "How is a rabbit going to get up a chimney?"

"He's going to jump." Jane responded, how else would a rabbit get out of the chimney? He didn't have any thumbs.

"Just stay in your house Jane. Don't follow the rabbit if he does get out of the chimney." Was she humoring him? She didn't believe him.

"Well then hurry, because if he does, I'm going to need your help to get the ladder." He lunged at the rabbit again, and it hopped closer to the fireplace.

"Just stay in the house Jane. Do NOT go outside." He heard her car crunching on gravel, she must be here. He listened and heard the sound of her car in the drive way. He heard her cut the engine and open the door. He was hearing it in stereo, it was amazing, it added to the overall pleasant feelings he had.

"You're here!" He called into the phone, causing the Red Rabbit to jump, this time, further away from the fireplace which caused Jane to relax a little bit as he ran to the door and opened it just a crack to let Lisbon in.

Only, it wasn't Lisbon. It was his wife. He stood there in shock. His wife! She wasn't dead. He pulled her inside, shutting and locking the door to keep her from escaping, to heck with the rabbit, he didn't need to find Red John if his wife wasn't dead. He held her tight in his arms, not wanting to let her go, he couldn't bear to lose her again.

"Oh Sarah, Sarah, I thought I lost you." He was holding her, tight against his chest, his chin resting on the top of her head.

"Jane…"

"No, no sweetie, honey, you don't call me that, you call me Patrick. I'm your Pattie, don't you remember?"

"Patrick…"

"I thought you were dead, I really did. I saw your body; there was so much blood, everywhere, you and Abby. Oh God! Abby. Is she with you? Is she alive too? There was just so much blood. And that monster, he…He painted your toes red." Jane stopped pulling back slightly and looking down at her feet. She was wearing flip flops, in the rain; that was his silly girl, always doing things like that. And her toe nails were red. "NO! I can't lose you again!"

Not really paying attention now to her voice as she tried to talk to him he crushed her to his chest again, not caring that she was now complaining that she couldn't breathe because he was holding her too tight.

"I can't lose you, not again. I love you. I…I've been trying to avenge your death, but it's been hard. I can't, I can't find the monster that killed you. I even joined the CBI as a consultant to get more information on him. But there's this woman, she's, well, a lot like you. Only, she doesn't smile as much. And she wants to find Red John too, but she won't let me kill him, like I want too. I want to make him suffer like I have all these years. But she tries to make me a better person, like I was before you died. I just, I just don't know what to think anymore."

"Patrick…"

"She was supposed to come over tonight and help me catch the Red Rabbit, but, then you came, and now, the Red Rabbit doesn't matter. I don't need to catch him anymore, you're here." He was overcome by the overwhelming desire to kiss her; he had to feel her against him again. He pulled her back slightly, just enough so that he could lift her head and press his lips to hers.

He was puzzled by her resistance at first, she was trying to get away and wasn't allowing him to deepen the kiss, but she gave out eventually and allowed her lips to move against his and his tongue to enter her mouth. It was heaven, bliss, but oddly different. It wasn't like he remembered, Sarah was firm and forceful, and her lips were bigger. Now she was soft and hungry and her lips were smaller, as was her mouth and she was shorter, and, Jane opened his eyes and pulled back, from the kiss that had left him breathing hard and wanting more, and light headed and the room was spinning.

It wasn't Sarah standing in front of him with that shocked expression on her face; it was Lisbon, who was standing there, shocked at the way he had acted. What had happened to Sarah? She had been here. His head was spinning; he whirled around, looking for her.

"Sarah!" He called out. He grasped Lisbon by the shoulders staring her in the face panicked. "Where's Sarah? She was just here! I saw her, touched her, kissed her!" Jane dropped his hands, turning again. He saw the rabbit heading up the stairs. The Red Rabbit! If he could lead him to Red John, he had to know where Sarah was.

"Jane! Stop, you're going to hurt yourself!" Lisbon called after him, chasing him, but he was faster for once, and took off after the Red Rabbit as he ran up the stairs. He had to catch him. The world was spinning faster now, he felt the world slipping out from under him, he was falling, down, down, down, down the rabbit hole. When had the rabbit gone down a rabbit hole? But there he was, running ahead of him, he would lead him to Red John, he had too.

There was a crash, he had stopped falling, and there was the Red Rabbit, smiling at him as he had been when he saw him the first time. Only, there was a shadow behind him now, a dark figure who started to laugh at him, he was holding a knife, it was Red John. He knew it, but he was going to kill the rabbit, and then Jane would never find Sarah.

"NO! Don't kill it, don't do it. I have to find Sarah!" But even as he was screaming at the dark figure behind the rabbit he knew it was no use, the knife fell and the blood was everywhere, he started to cry. "NO, no, no, no. He was the only one." Jane jumped up to attack Red John but he had vanished and with him the rabbit. He was sobbing, holding the rabbits little over coat, the only thing left.

And then, there were arms around him, and a smell he recognized, not of Sarah, but of Lisbon, darling sweet Lisbon, she must have followed him down the rabbit hole. She sat on the floor next to where Jane had collapsed after Red John had got away. She held him as he sobbed, cradling his head and rocking him gently back and forth.

Jane didn't know how long they sat there like that, but he felt himself slipping, his mind growing dark as he allowed himself to succumb to the sleep that had been waiting just around the corner the whole night. Red John may be gone, and Sarah maybe lost down the rabbit hole, but Lisbon was here. And as long as Lisbon was here, they would find them both.