South Park © Matt & Trey.

All in Clyde's POV! I feel like I neglect him so he gets a story finally. I've also been getting pretty into the pairing of Clyde/Craig lately.
Anyway, this fic is pretty tame in comparison to most of my stories. Nothing majorly traumatic. There will be 3 chapters. Enjoy~

June.

Kenny dumped Craig. Again.

The story makes its way through the halls of the high school at rapid speed. Craig isn't here, of course. He's probably at home nursing new wounds. I decide to forego my last class and make my way to his place to make sure he's all right. When I knock on the door, Laura lets me in with a piteous smile. She knows exactly what happened. "Craig is in his room," she says. "Maybe you can get him to come downstairs, because I sure can't."

I nod my thanks and remove my boots and coat before running upstairs. I let myself in and it's dim. Craig's room is very boring and very typical, as one might expect. There are very few signs of life. There's a guinea pig cage on his dresser. Sitting next to it is some deodorant and a stuffed bear his mother gave him when he was little. Against the wall in the center of the room is a bed and on one side is a tall lamp while on the other side there is a nightstand with a digital clock. Craig is lying in bed buried beneath the blue duvet with his back facing me.

I take a step forward and before I even get a word out I hear, "Go away."

"Dude, it's just me," I tell him.

He rolls over and says, "Oh." He sits up and the comforter pools at his waist. He's not wearing a shirt. I can't help but wonder if he's also not wearing pants, but I shake that thought away.

I sit on the edge of his bed and ask, "So, how are you feeling?"

"I've been lying here despondently," he states monotonously. "How do you think I'm feeling?"

"Shitty?" I guess.

It always goes like this. Kenny dumps Craig horribly and then Craig tries and fails to hold it in. I nurse him through his break ups as best as I can and, when Kenny allows it, Craig comes crawling back to him. It's so degrading I can't even bear to watch it. They're more melodramatic than Stan and Wendy. I keep hoping Kenny will just dump Craig for good because I know, in the long run, it'd be better. They're not right for one another. Kenny is sympathetic and worldly, but too often he can be the opposite of those things. Craig needs someone who knows him and can be kind always – not just when it suits him.

"He dumped me," Craig murmurs. "For real this time."

"How do you know it's really over?" I ask him, knowing how often they're on and off.

"Because he's seeing someone else," Craig reveals hoarsely. His voice is weak, but he isn't crying. Not yet. "Of all the times we broke up… he never did that before. Sometimes he'd fuck other people… but he never actually entered a new relationship."

I can't help but frown at that, surprised the idiot found someone else so fast. Then again, maybe Kenny has been cheating all along – not that I'd ever express that sentiment. Instead, all I do is pry with, "Who?"

Craig grinds his teeth together. "Rebecca," he mutters.

Now that surprises me. Rebecca – Red – and Craig have always been close. I guess they won't be hanging out anymore.

"Boyfriend stealing bitch," Craig adds as an afterthought.

I don't know why Craig is like this. I don't know why he spent years sitting back and taking all the shit Kenny handed to him. I'd never take back someone who dumped me and went around fucking other people. I'd feel so humiliated. So low. So fucking degraded.

I knew this day would eventually come years before it even happened. Part of me is relieved, but I know how selfish this makes me. After years of on and off dating, Kenny and Craig are done. After years of the hypersexual psychopath tormenting Craig emotionally, it's all over. In Craig's words, for real this time.

"I'm sorry, dude," I offer. I try to sound as sincere as I can. "If it's any consolation, you deserve better. He was an asshole to you all the time."

He lets out a sigh. "I don't care that I deserve better, though I doubt that's true. I want him."

I wonder if he always will. I wonder if Kenny will get tired of Red and let Craig come back again. I fucking hope not. I don't want to watch Craig crawl back to Kenny again, especially not after this. "So," I start. "How did it happen?"

Craig wrinkles his nose. "He dumped me after school in front of his fucking friends. Cartman laughed and then Kenny said, 'Craig, I'm not trying to be a dick but the only way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Try it.' And he said it like he was giving me some really great advice."

"Are you going to take it?" I ask.

"No!" he snaps at me. "Do I really seem like that kind of person?"

"No," I say, "but people do this kind of shit when they're heartbroken."

"Not me," he mutters.

I guess that doesn't surprise me. Craig is closed off when it comes to sex and most other things. Bebe once walked into his room while he was masturbating. He ignored her for the rest of the month. He's rigid about his body and even more rigid about letting other people close to it. Kenny was the first person he slept with. He probably hoped Kenny would also be the last person he slept with. It takes a lot for Craig to open up to someone. Kenny was persistent. He thought of it as a game, even I could see that. I warned Craig to avoid him. Bebe and Token and Tweek did, too. Kenny McCormick is bad news. But Craig didn't listen and he was sucked into an endless cycle of psychological torment. Craig loves too hard. It takes a lot out of him.

"Well, at least high school will be over soon and you won't have to see him after that," I offer.

Almost everyone is leaving. Token and his girlfriend, Nichole, are both headed to Harvard with scholarships. Token is studying neuroscience and Nichole is studying sociology. Bebe is heading to Boulder along with Wendy, Kyle and Stan. The fat fuck is probably going with them.

"Kenny isn't going to university," Craig mumbles. "Neither am I."

"Yeah, but… Neither is Tweek and… neither am I," I remind him. "So, even if Kenny is around… I'll be around, too."

Craig works at the local pet mart. It suits him. He likes animals. He gets to wear whatever he wants under the apron. I think he enjoys his work, unlike me. I work at Wal-Mart and I have to deal with assholes all day. I have to wear beige khakis and the required ugly-ass vest. It's not glamorous, but at least it's money. Tweek works for his parents. All day every day he's making coffee. He works a lot and he works hard, but I think he welcomes it. If he's not keeping busy, he's stressing out. Because of that, we don't get to see him as much as we used to when we were kids.

Craig forces a small smile. "Yeah, I know. You're always around, no matter how bitchy I get. I'm high maintenance."

"No, you're not," I offer, but I'm lying out of my ass. He's the most high maintenance friend I've ever had.

"Liar," he murmurs, reading me easily. He shifts away, pulling the blankets back slightly. I lie down next to him and he closes his eyes. "Don't get too close," he warns.

"I won't," I promise, staring at him. He probably won't want to be touched by anyone for a while.

I feel bad. There are times it's really hard to push away the dirty thoughts I get about him. It'll start off innocent. I'll imagine kissing him, pulling him close. I'll imagine him moaning into my mouth. I'll imagine his taste. Then it gets less innocent. I'll imagine what he'd look like under me. I'll imagine what he'd sound like saying my name while I give him a proper fuck. Like I said, dirty thoughts.

I can't count the amount of nights I've hung out with Craig after seeing Kenny leave. The entire time, Craig would totally reek of sex and have a wild case of bed hair – hair that literally shouted, "I just got fucked." Craig keeps his hair brushed and if it's messy he either just woke up or just got pounded.

Craig can have multiple orgasms. Obviously this isn't something I know first-hand. It's something Kenny used to brag about. "Yeah, I got him off like four times." I always hated hearing about that shit in the locker rooms.

I like girls, but I also like Craig. I can't even begin to count how many dirty dreams I've had about him. He's the only guy I've ever taken an interest in. I don't know why. It's always been this but no matter what it's something I'll keep to myself. Only Bebe knows. Sometimes she gives me these suggestive winks when she sees me and Craig together, but she'd never spill my secret. Me and Bebe went steady for a while until mutually agreeing it was time to part ways. Now she's seeing Kyle and I have to listen to her talk about his "sweet ass" all the damn time. She says she fucks it well with her strap on and it makes me wish I had an ass to fuck. I've been celibate for the past year, though it's hardly been my choice.

I continue to stare at Craig. His eyes are closed, but he isn't asleep. He looks tense. There's a crease in his brow, like he's concentrating on something. Perhaps he's trying to will away his own thoughts – though I'm sure his are of a very different in nature than mine are.

He's so fucking pretty. Maybe that's why I like him. But at the same time, I know it's not a shallow attraction. If it was, I would care a lot less for his well-being.

He's an inch shorter than me and definitely less broad. He's really fair-skinned and he's slim, but not scrawny. His eyes are an icy blue and there's a freckle below his left eye. He has dimples when he smiles, though it doesn't happen often. He also has pretty crooked teeth, but I think it adds character. His hair is black and wavy. He looks nothing at all like his parents because he's adopted. Apparently his birth parents croaked. Luckily it isn't something he worries about.

After a few minutes, Craig opens his eyes and looks at me. "I can feel you staring at me, Clyde."

"Sorry," I say with a sheepish smile.

"What are you thinking about?" he pries.

"You," I admit. "I want you to be happy."

"Hm," he grunts. I know he hates it when I get sentimental and emotional, but I feel like I need to express it every so often.

He sits up and turns around, placing his feet on the floor. I stare at his back, travelling down his spine and staring at the dimples above his butt. His shorts are riding low and I can see his ass crack. No complaints. When he stands up, he hikes his shorts back up and mumbles, "I need to piss."

Craig's got class and charm, yup.

"All right," I say. I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling.

Sometimes I think I'm in love with Craig. It's a scary thought. It's also a fucking depressing thought because they're words I doubt I'll ever be able to say out loud. Craig is a cynic. He says love just gets thrown in your face. I guess he's right. I learned that when my mom died and my dad started ignoring me. Craig has learned it every time Kenny dumped him.

But I'm going to try not to be as pessimistic as Craig is. Sure, love can hurt you, but I think it can help you, too. It's something everyone needs, as much as we might like to deny it.

When Craig returns he hovers in the doorway. He's expressionless. I eye him up and down, trying to read him but I never can. He can read me, though. He does it so easily at times.

I sit up and pat the bed next to me. He hesitates, but after a minute he moves forward. "Why does this always happen to me?" he asks shakily, getting back into bed.

"I dunno, dude," I murmur. "I wish I had all the answers, but I don't."

"I think he hated sleeping with me," Craig murmurs out of the blue.

"Why the hell do yah think that?" I ask, lying down and facing him.

"I'm not a sexual being," he starts, staring blankly at the ceiling, "but Kenny is. I like very mundane vanilla sex. He was more into… kinks and stuff. Sometimes I'd do the things he was into, but I never really liked it. I'd just do it for him. He never pressured, but I felt like I owed it to him. Maybe that's why we'd break up so much… Maybe he felt like he needed something more exciting. Now I feel like… maybe if I was more… I dunno, maybe if I was sexier he would've stuck around. Maybe if I shaved and did other things I knew he would've preferred… he wouldn't have left."

Craig doesn't like to shave. He shaves his face because he says he doesn't like the scruffy feeling, but he can't be fucked to shave anything else. It's not something I've ever seen personally, he just brought it up in passing. I think it's a fuck you to everyone who made fun of his mom – one of them being Kenny. "I think it drives him mad that I won't shave my pubes," Craig once said with a snort. I just chuckled while trying not to imagine him naked.

"You shouldn't feel that way, dude," I tell him. "You don't owe anyone anything ever. Do what you want. Don't ever do things you're not comfortable with, okay?"

"Okay," he says with a miserable sigh.

"Besides," I chuckle, "you're plenty sexy, even with body hair."

"You hitting on me?" he asks lightly.

"Yeah, duh," I respond. He smiles a small smile, reaching forward and nudging my shoulder. He always thinks I'm joking, but I never am. "Look," I continue on a more serious note. "If humans were meant to be hairless, don't you think we would simply be that way? Like you say, it's natural and there's nothin' wrong it."

"I know," he murmurs, sighing. "Fuck, I sound pathetic. I'm just… really embarrassed and really angry and really fucking upset. Why'd he have to do it in front of everyone like that?"

"Because he's an ass?" I offer.

Craig sniffles and sighs once more. Any minute now he'll start to cry. He's been holding it in since I got here, perhaps even before that. "Fuck," he hisses, sniffling again."

"Let it out, dude," I say. "Otherwise, you'll just end up feeling worse."

"I don't want to cry over him," he confesses wetly. He brings a hand over his face, breathing into his palm.

I reach forward and gently grab his wrist, moving it away from his face and keeping eye contact. "It's okay," I tell him. "Do what you have to do to make yourself feel better. It's not about Kenny. It's about you."

He turns his face and presses it into the pillow as I hold his limp hand. I let go of him and he lets it fall onto the mattress. It's quiet and, a split second later, he finally starts to cry. He emits these long, whiny sobs.

I sigh silently, hesitating before starting to move my fingers through his hair. It's soft, feathery but thick. He only starts crying harder and I have no idea why. I guess he doesn't want to be touched. So, I draw away and whisper, "You'll be okay, Craig. Whether or not you see it now, it's true."

Naturally, he doesn't respond. So, we just lie here together. He cries and I listen to it. I wish I could get him to stop because he's making me want to cry, too. I hate when he cries, but I would never tell him to stop. I know how shitty that feels from the amount of times it's been said to me.

"Sh, don't cry."

"No need to be so upset."

"Stop being so sensitive."

I hate hearing that kind of shit. It always comes from the mouths of people who don't really care about you. If you care about someone… If you really care about someone, you'll let them cry and you'll listen to them and you won't tell them to stop.

Soon enough, he begins to quiet. He finally shifts, sitting up. He looks messy, but still nice. "Fuck," he mumbles in a gravelly tone, wiping his wet cheeks. His face is flushed, his nose is red and his eyes are bloodshot. He sniffles some more, bringing his hand up and unceremoniously wiping his snot on the back of his hand.

"How do you feel?" I ask, sitting up and making eye contact.

"Shitty," he says, "but maybe a little less shitty than before."

July.

It's summer break. That means it's been a month and Kenny still hasn't let Craig crawl back to him. By now, he's no longer with Red. They broke up before graduation, which happened near the end of last month. Craig and Red never rekindled their friendship. Craig holds a mean grudge and they probably won't ever get back what she and Kenny fucked up.

So, that's it. High school is done. It feels weird to think about. Everyone is mostly gone, but they'll all be back at some point. No one who goes ever truly stays gone. I swear, that's the curse of this shit-hole of a town.

Kenny got a job at the convenient store near the pet shop Craig works at. I want to go in there and yell at him. It's like he's trying to keep Craig at arm's length just to rub it in his face that they're no longer together. How is Craig supposed to move on if that asshole McCormick won't fuck off?

That's what is so fucking sad about this. Craig is still not over him. Craig is still crying about how it ended. I feel like it's all he does lately. He just cries and talks shit about Kenny in an attempt to compensate for the feelings that won't go away.

Now is no different. We're sitting in his room and he just finished another cry-session. "You're the only person that stays," he murmurs. "Everyone else fucks off and ditches me. You're the only person in the fucking world who hasn't let me down."

I've been doing all I can for him. Bebe keeps telling me I'm doing too much, but what does she know about it? About me? About Craig? Not as much as I know, that's for sure.

I offer him a small smile. "You're my best friend, dude," I say.

He forces a smile in return, wiping his cheeks off. Fuck, he's cute. I want to hug him, but he hasn't really let me near him since Kenny stepped all over his feelings. I wouldn't dare push. His smile soon falters and he looks melancholy, if a little bit sombre. He stares down at his hands before staring up at me again.

"What is it?" I ask.

He doesn't respond. Instead, he moves forward and touches his lips to mine. It's quick and chaste and soon he draws again.

"What was that for?" I ask weakly, thoroughly taken aback.

"Friendship kiss," he says before wrapping his arms around me. "Don't leave," he murmurs and the demand makes me feel a little claustrophobic, like it's a sort of ultimatum. Nonetheless, I can't push him away.

"I won't," I promise him hoarsely and he tightens his grip.

Fuck, Craig drives me crazy. I don't think he even means to… but then again, maybe he does. Token and Nichole always used to accuse Craig of being manipulative. In comparison, they'd accuse me of never being able to see through it. They'd accuse me of always being the first to bow at his feet and feed his every whim. I never used to see it, but I guess they were kind of right.

After a minute, I put an arm around his back, rubbing circles. I like when he lets me touch him like this. It doesn't happen often. Even when we were kids, he wasn't one for touching. He'd let me give him a pat on the shoulder and that was about it. I know for a fact he's never kissed another person apart from Kenny. I can't help but wonder why he kissed me. I know it doesn't run as deep as I'd like it to. He doesn't feel the same way. He just likes me near. I like him near, too… but my feelings go in a whole other direction.

I can't tell him about it. Not now, not ever. I already know how it would unfold. I'd tell him and he wouldn't feel the same way… Then everything would change. I don't want things to change. I want things to stay the same as they are now. I want him to always be my best friend. I don't want to scare him away with lovey shit. Love is something that scares him. It probably always will. He's scared of love and when he finally opens himself up to it, he's scared of people leaving. He's always scared of something. He's never unafraid. He's never sincerely content.

At least he's letting me get close to him again. I'll take that as a good sign.

After another few minutes, the door swings open and Craig immediately pushes me away with a harsh shove of his hands. I turn and see his mother hovering in the doorway, a small yet cautious smile on her face. "Hi, boys," she greets. "Sorry to interrupt, but I'm making dinner. Clyde, will you be staying?"

"Sure," I grin.

She nods and leaves without another word. I think Laura likes me best out of all of Craig's friends, even Token – the golden boy. She thanked me repeatedly for being the one to coax Craig out of his room when Kenny finally ended things.

"Clyde?" I hear Craig.

"Mm?" I ask, turning back around to face him.

A pause.

"Never mind," he says in a murmur. "It's nothing."

"Are you sure?" I pry.

He moves farther away from me, nodding. "Stay here tonight."

"Sure," I accept easily, "but why?"

He frowns. "Why the hell not?" he responds cattily. "You may as well. Besides, do I have to explain my motives for wanting to spend time with my friend?"

"No," I mutter. "Sorry."

August.

I got a car. Finally. I got my license when I was sixteen, but I never bothered trying to save up for a car until recently. Unlike me, Craig doesn't even have his license. He has little interest in it. He says it's pointless since everything in South Park is nearby.

Summer is almost over. I've been going to the gym a lot in between work, which usually happens to be a bit late. If Craig is working, he'll meet me when I'm finished and I'll drive us both back to his place. The pet shop closes around when I'm usually at the gym.

I'm pretty proud of how much I've bulked up. I've always been in good shape, but now I think I'm in the best shape of my life. After hitting the showers, I throw on a change of clean sweatpants and a t-shirt before putting on my jacket. I stare at myself in the mirror before leaving. Brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin. I don't sound especially extraordinary, but I look pretty good. I've never really been insecure about my appearance and I was always a pretty popular and well-liked kid in school. Me and Token were on the football team, so we had to stay in shape. The fate of the games depended on it.

I dig my keys out of my pocket as I leave the building and in the parking lot, I spot Craig. I hold up a hand as I approach him.

"Good work out?" he asks me.

"Yeah," I say before flexing.

Craig feels my arms. "Ooh, what big muscles you have," he simpers in a voice as sickly sweet as rotting fruit.

I chuckle and nod for him to follow me to my car. "You should start coming with me," I tell him.

He wrinkles his nose at the mere suggestion of it. "I prefer to do my exercise alone. I don't like the thought of people seeing me all sweaty."

"You work out?" I ask. I've never seen him do it. I've never heard him talk about it, either. In fact, in gym class he would either skip or say he felt sick.

"Not extensively," he says, "but enough to stay fit. Enough to ensure I don't gain weight or start panting after walking up a flight of stairs."

"Fair 'nuff," I say. "What do you do?" He just shrugs, like it's a secret he doesn't want to talk about. "C'mon," I urge.

"Yoga," he says. "I do yoga."

"Wow," I say. "So that's how you maintain that tight little bod? Very cool. You must be pretty flexible, huh?"

He elbows me in the side, stifling a laugh and calling me, "Dumbass."

I just snicker. We get into my car and I fiddle with the radio before pulling out of the parking lot. "Where to?" I ask.

Craig yawns and shrugs, staring out the window. "Don't care."

"Your place? My place? Somewhere else?"

"Don't care," he repeats himself.

I let out a sigh and we drive straight to my house. Inside, I make myself a protein shake while Craig watches. He hasn't given me any more "friendship" kisses since the first time. I didn't really expect him to. His lips felt nice against mine. I won't soon forget it. It just made me want him even more, which kind of sucks.

"So, how're you?" I ask.

"Fine," he answers, dull as ever.

"I see Kenny at the gym sometimes," I decide to admit. "He runs."

"I know," Craig murmurs. "He has a lot of energy. He always needs to be moving and doing something. When he's not, he gets restless and antsy."

"You're the opposite of that," I point out.

He laughs mirthlessly. "Yeah, I know. It's weird we lasted as long as we did."

"Do you still love him?" I wonder.

Craig looks contemplative for a moment. "I don't know," he admits. "I want to say I don't, but we were together for so fucking long. I still see him around sometimes, but he never talks to me… It's probably a good thing."

"Hm," I muse.

I remember when Craig first told me he was seeing someone. That's also when I found out he was gay. I felt a mix of emotions that day. By then, my weird crush on him was already at full strength. I was jealous of Kenny and angry at Craig for not telling me sooner. We were fourteen, but Kenny and Craig were dancing around each other for much longer than that. I shouldn't have been surprised that they started to date. "I'm not a virgin anymore," he said the following month. Fuck, I was so jealous all I saw was red. I hated Kenny so much. I didn't expect Craig to spread his legs that soon… but Kenny is charming. He's a smooth talker and knew exactly what to say to make Craig fall to his knees, ready to suck dick.

"What are you thinking?" Craig asks me after a few minutes of silence.

Perverse things about you.

I just smile and shake my head. "Nothing in particular."

When I finish my shake, we go upstairs into my room. My room is a lot less plain than Craig's. It's also a lot messier. I have a desk in the far left corner and my bed is in the far right. I have red drapes and red sheets. All my clothes are kept in my closet and there's a TV facing my bed. There is a calendar on my wall and a bunch of posters of my favorite football players.

We decide to watch Netflix. I put on a stupid movie and we chill in my bed. The entire time, he's watching the screen and I'm watching him.

September.

Summer is ending and soon enough the snow will be back.

I don't work today. I'm on my way to pick up Craig from the pet store when I see something unsettling. Usually he's standing outside waiting for me, but today is different. Today, Kenny is standing with him and they look like they're in the middle of a pretty heated argument. Craig looks hazy, like he's gonna start bawling any second and Kenny just looks pissed off. I pull up in front of them and roll down the window. "Get in, Craig," I demand sternly.

He gives me a wide-eyed look, like a deer caught in the headlights. After a split second, he moves away from Kenny and gets in the passenger seat of my car.

"What the fuck was that?" I ask as we drive away.

"Nothing," Craig murmurs.

"Has he been harassing you like this a lot?" I pry further.

"No," Craig insists, but I have a feeling he's not telling the truth.

"Craig –" I try to reason.

"No," he cuts me off. His voice is high-pitched and wet at the same time. "I can't talk about it – about him, so stop asking!"

"Fine," I whisper.

None of this is normal. He should be able to cope and move on. It's been months since they broke up. Craig shouldn't still be upset about it.

The rest of the ride is silent. He doesn't even bother looking at me. Even when I pull into his driveway, he won't spare me a glance. He gets out of the car, slams the door and stomps inside. I don't hesitate to follow. As we're taking off our shoes and coats, Craig's sister appears from the kitchen.

"Craig?" she asks.

"Shut up," he snaps at her before running upstairs.

"What the fuck was that?" Ruby turns to me, raising an eyebrow and demanding answers.

"He saw his ex today," I say to her.

She winces and nods, understanding. "He should avoid Kenny. As much as I love Karen, her brother is an ass. Kenny and Craig are both manipulative… but aside from that Craig is also easily manipulated. They're toxic for each other."

"I know," I whisper before following Craig upstairs and into his room.

He's sitting in the center of his bed with a hand over his face. Here come the water works.

"Hey," I murmur.

He raises his head, wiping his eyes. "Why am I like this?" he asks weakly.

"Like what?" I ask, sounding hoarse.

He sniffles and sighs. "He won't leave me alone and it's making everything harder. I'm trying to forget him but he won't let me. He doesn't even want me anymore, so I don't get why he won't stop."

"He likes games," I say bitterly. "That's what he sees you as and that's why he's always playing you. You're like… his favorite toy."

"Do I make it easy?" Craig wonders angrily.

"I don't know," I admit, closing the door and sitting down next to him. I stare at him and he softens. I wouldn't call it gentle, but more subdued. I want to tell him he doesn't make it easy. I want to tell him that Kenny is the kind of guy who latches onto people and doesn't let them go… but maybe that's Craig. Maybe Craig is the one who has a hard time letting go.

"Want to watch a movie?" I offer out of the blue.

"Don't wanna go downstairs," he murmurs.

"We can watch something on your laptop," I say.

"It's dead," he explains.

"Well, get the charger and plug it in," I say, standing up and reaching for the drawer of his nightstand.

"Don't –" he tries, but it's too late. The drawer is open and I see what's inside. A dildo, plain and pink and shaped like a dick. I'd pay a thousand bucks to see him use it.

But of course, I don't say that. Instead, I turn around and give Craig a sheepish smile. "Oops."

He just turns red. I don't know if he's angry or just embarrassed… Probably both. "Clyde!" he snaps, shoving me out of the way and closing the drawer.

"C'mon, no need to be embarrassed," I tell him. "Everyone jacks off."

He just sneers. "I don't fucking care. It's embarrassing."

"No, it's not," I insist. "It's healthy."

He huffs, flopping back onto his bed. "I have a lot of shame," he says offhandedly. "I don't know why."

"You're introverted and modest," I say. "That's fine. You're allowed to keep things to yourself."

"I feel like it would be easier if I was attracted to people more like myself," he murmurs, "but I never am. Maybe that means I don't think highly of myself. I'm always reaching for things that are so much different."

I frown at that. "Do you like yourself?" I ask, staring at him where he lies.

"I don't know," he admits quietly. "Sometimes I feel pretty neutral… and other times I get so fucking frustrated with myself. I wish I was different."

"You shouldn't wish that…" I try to reason. I'm bad at this kind of stuff. I wish I knew what to tell him, but I rarely do.

He smiles faintly. "It's fine," he decides. "I'm fine."

Ha. What a load of shit.

October.

Around Halloween, I drag Craig to a party in Boulder. He is stubborn, but he eventually relents. I want him to dress up, but he refuses. Oh, well. I go as Superman.

"You came!" Bebe exclaims when she spots us in the crowd. She's dressed up as Wonder Woman.

"This guy didn't want to," I say, jabbing a thumb at Craig, "but I convinced him."

"Good," she says with a chuckle. "Cute costume, by the way."

"You, too," I wink at her and Craig rolls his eyes at the both of us.

Bebe waves for us to follow her and she starts mixing us drinks in the kitchen of the share house. "Look," she starts in a more serious tone. "Since Kyle, Stan and Eric also go here… Kenny might be around."

I wince, glancing at Craig. He remains expressionless, reaching forward and taking the drink Bebe hands him. He takes a slow sip at first before downing it.

"Woah, there!" Bebe exclaims with a laugh.

"Make it stronger," Craig demands.

Bebe glances at me somewhat nervously. "Er," she pauses.

"Don't fucking do that," Craig seethes. "Don't fucking look at Clyde like you're asking his fucking permission. That's fucking stupid. Clyde isn't my fucking mother."

She looks taken aback by his anger. She simply nods and does what he asks her to do.

"Craig, don't be a dick," I warn him.

"Suck my ass," he says lazily.

"I'd love to," I respond crudely.

With his second drink in hand, Craig turns around and ditches me and Bebe. I let out a long sigh and say, "He'll be a treat to deal with tonight."

"Why is he acting like a brat?" she asks. "Is he still upset about his breakup with Kenny? That was months ago…"

"Yeah," I mumble. "I don't know what's going on. Kenny won't seem to leave him alone."

Bebe rolls his eyes. "Yeah, Kenny is good like that. I wouldn't say he's a bad person… but he can be a real jackass. He grew up watching his parents treat each other like shit and he probably thinks it's normal."

Lovely.

I hang around Bebe for most of the night, making sure I don't get drunk since I still have to drive back to South Park.

As the night progresses, Craig is nowhere in sight. I try calling him a few times, but he doesn't answer and it starts to worry me.

When I'm about to blow a gasket, I see Stan Marsh approaching me. "What?" I snap.

"Chill, dude," he says, holding up his hands. "I just thought I'd let you know your friend is in the basement freaking the fuck out."

"Where?" I demand.

He nods, gesturing for me to follow him as he leads me to the basement door. "Kenny is down there with him. He's like… I dunno…"

I shove past Stan and make my way into the basement. When I see Craig, he's sitting on the sofa, hunched over with his face pressed into his knees. Kenny is above him talking, but I can't hear what he's saying. Kyle is nearby and so are a group of other random kids. They're all watching like vultures, acting as if Craig is a fucking spectacle.

"Move," I say, pushing Kenny out of my way. I kneel in front of Craig and say, "Hey… It's me. Want to leave?" I put a hand on his head and he lifts his head. Thank Christ he isn't crying.

He stands up and almost immediately stumbles, making me wonder how much he had to drink after ditching me. I offer him my arm to steady himself and I help him up the stairs. We bid Bebe a goodbye and I promise I'll text her soon.

"I hope Craig feels better," she says sadly. If he were remotely aware, he'd probably scold her for being piteous but the words go right over his head.

"Me, too," I murmur.

When we're making out way outside, I hear –

"Hey!"

With a sigh, I turn around and see Kenny approaching. "Dude, not now," I tell him.

"What the fuck is up with Craig?" he asks me.

"M'fiiiine," Craig slurs, pushing me away. His voice is high pitched and whiny. Clearly he's drunk as fuck.

"Liar," Kenny says, reaching a hand forward only to have Craig slap it away. That, however, doesn't sway Kenny. He does it again and when Craig tries to smack him away this time Kenny grabs his wrists.

"Stop…!" Craig moans, staring at the ground.

"Dude, just leave him alone," I try to urge Kenny to fuck off, but he doesn't listen. He continues staring at Craig, refusing to let him go.

"Craig!" Kenny shouts his name, shaking him and trying to get him to respond. Craig starts trembling visibly as Kenny's voice grows louder. I can tell it isn't a good sign. He's going to sink into himself and completely shut down if Kenny keeps it up. "Why are you so fucking afraid of me all of the sudden?" Kenny demands in a growl.

Craig takes in a sharp breath and when I think he's going to raise his head and start screaming… he starts crying instead. It's loud and messy and he falls limp in Kenny's hold, sinking to the pavement. Kenny lets go of him and simply stares down, at a loss.

Craig sobs openly and I can tell the drive home is going to be torturously long and painful.

"Kenny, go back inside," I murmur.

"Uh," he pauses. "Want me to fetch Bebe?"

"No, it's okay," I say.

"All right," he mumbles before turning away.

When he's gone, I kneel with Craig and put an arm around him, letting him lean into me. "Christ, dude, you're a mess," I say.

"I know that," he sobs.

"What did he do to you?" I ask, worried something bad might've happened when I was with Bebe.

"Nothing…" Craig whines at me. "He didn't do anything! He's being nice… He was being nice and it made me depressed… because it made me miss him even more."

I let out a soft sigh. "I think you both need closure. Maybe this is why he's lingering and you're dwelling."

I drag him to his feet and then practically carry him to my car, putting him in the back seat and letting him lie down. I hope he doesn't puke… but I can live with it if he does.

Before we head out, I put some chill tunes on.

I said it once and I'll say it again: Craig is high maintenance. I feel bad for him. I don't know why he is the way he is. He doesn't know, either. I guess it could be a number of different reasons or maybe there isn't a reason at all. According to Laura and Thomas, Craig was always pretty independent and closed off. I guess he feels like trusting people never got him anywhere. I blame Stan's crew for that. They used to have lots of fun manipulating Craig and stealing his money when we were kids. They're a bunch of assholes. They haven't changed much. They're still getting into trouble. I'm glad Craig doesn't associate with them.

Nearly two hours later, I'm pulling into my driveway. I park and say Craig's name, but he doesn't answer. He's asleep. I pick him up and try not to wake him, but no luck. He moans my name and tells me to stop. I ignore him.

I bring him inside and upstairs. It doesn't matter if he causes a scene, my dad won't care. I could bring a hooker home and he still wouldn't bat an eye.

I'm about to dump him into my bed when he wakes up and mumbles, "I feel sick…"

So, we turn into the bathroom and he slumps onto the floor and promptly vomits on himself. "Aw, fuck, dude…" I say, wincing. "How did you manage to miss the toilet? It's literally right in front of you…"

"Shut up," he groans, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

I reach for his sweater and say, "Raise your arms." He does so and I pull it up over his head. I toss it into the laundry hamper and say, "I'll wash it for you tomorrow." Pause. "Want me to get you some water?"

"No," he slurs. "I wanna shower. I feel gross…"

"All right…" I say. I grab him a towel from the linen closet and then close the door as I leave. A split second later, I hear the taps turn on. I go downstairs and get him a glass of water anyway, taking it to my room and putting it on the nightstand. I change into pajamas and then grab Craig a change of clothes. They'll be too big for him, but whatever.

After fifteen minutes, I go back into the hallway and open the bathroom door just a crack. I can see Craig's slender body moving from behind the transparent shower curtain. "Dude," I call. "I'm leaving you clothes."

He turns to me and calls back, "Go away, I'm naked!"

Modest as ever. I set the clothes on the counter and go back into my room. I grab my phone and decide to finally shoot Bebe a text –

ME: Hey, sorry we couldn't hang out more tonight.

She responds a mere minute later.

BEBE: That's okay! Craig's well-being is most important. Is he okay?

ME: He's in the shower right now. He cried and passed out for the ride home. He puked on himself when he woke up though.

BEBE: Sounds like he had a rough night. Kenny feels bad.

ME: Good…

BEBE: Haha! What did he do?

ME: According to Craig, he was just being nice.

BEBE: Ah. Now Craig probably feels even more conflicted.

ME: Yeah, I think so.

BEBE: Take care of him, okay?

ME: That's the plan.

BEBE: All right, I'll leave you to it. Goodnight!

ME: Night.

After a while, Craig finally enters my room. He's dressed in my pajamas I like seeing him in my clothes, even though he's swimming in them. He looks ridiculously cute.

"Sorry," he mutters, sounding like he's sobered up a bit. Probably thanks to all the vomiting he did. His arms are crossed. He looks stiff and rigid and uncomfortable.

"It's fine," I promise him.

"No," he counters, insisting otherwise. "I was really gross all night."

"Well, you didn't gross me out," I tell him, patting the space next to me. "Just turn off the light and get in bed. There's a class of water on the nightstand you should sip on for a few minutes."

"Hm," he grunts. A second later, the lights flick off and I feel the bed indent as he gets in.