My Little Shame
Another story written for university. It's in the format of a film treatment, a sort of script designed to spell out the meaning behind every scene.
A teenage boy, surely no older than 15, is sitting up in his bed in his pitch black bedroom; a sign of hiding. The blinds are drawn. The only good light is coming from something sitting on his lap. Something that is being purposely hidden behind his raised knees under his duvet. A paper towel can be seen on the nightstand. He is wearing a pair of earphones that are hooked into the thing on his lap. Whatever it is, he's watching it rather intently. This is JAYSON WOOTON.
Wait a minute. Dark room. Hidden screen. Knees raised under the covers. Paper towel. Teenage boy.
... He's wanking, isn't he?
Suddenly, footsteps outside the door. Jayson tenses up; he hears it, too. He quickly fiddles with whatever is in his lap. He does not want anyone seeing what he is doing.
He puts on a smile as the door opens & his middle-aged father, FRED WOOTON, walks in. He hesitates, clearly uneasy at what he just walked into. He walks up to the bed & asks Jayson if he is alright, since he has been in his bed for a while. Jayson responds that he is fine & that he is just browsing YouTube & what-not.
Fred takes a look at the thing on Jayson's lap. It is a laptop and, indeed, a paused YouTube video is on-screen. He concedes, but is not convinced. But, what else can he do? He tells Jayson that he is off to bed. The two exchange "I love you"s before Fred leaves.
With the coast clear, Jayson drops his smile, breaths a sigh of relief & focuses on the laptop again.
P.O.V.: He re-opens a browser window that he had minimised & it shows... My Little Pony? ... Huh. That is what he was hiding? He must be embarrassed by it. Not unlike if he actually was masturbating.
Jayson takes the paper towel from his nightstand & uses it to wipe fingerprints off of the screen. So that is what that was for.
Looks like he's enjoying that episode.
A 'thunk' outside the door. Jayson tenses again & immediately shuts the laptop, taking no chances. A meow is heard. It's just the cat. Jayson breathes another sigh of relief, then he looks down & is annoyed to realise he has to start the laptop up again. His paranoia just caused him bother.
CUT TO:
Some time in the afternoon, Jayson is walking through the corridors of his house. He looks nervous. Very nervous. He is holding a notepad & pen, open on a page with several sentences written on it, some crossed out. It is some kind of goal list. At the bottom are the un-crossed words "Tell Mum & Dad about liking My Little Pony". He must not like having to hide his like for the show. He is fidgeting with his hands, rubbing his fingers to reassure himself. His eyes are shifting back & forth; he is analysing something in his head. He smacks his forehead. He berates himself, saying that he does not need to hide his like of My Little Pony from his parents. Or rather, he is trying to force himself to believe that.
Jayson walks into the living room. His mother is sitting on the couch watching the television. His father is not there. He asks his mother where his father is and she says he is in the toilet. Looking agitated, he looks back into the corridor and glares at the door to the toilet. He sighs and plops down on the couch. He must want to tell his dad at the same time.
He sits down & starts watching the television. Some kind of opinion piece on Fox News is on. The presenter starts spouting ignorant nonsense about fans of My Little Pony being obsessed to the point of avoiding work, while his co-host comments in a disbelieving, dissaproving tone at the meer mention of adult men liking the cartoon.
Jayson is taking this all in. He looks almost terrified. That is what people think of fans of My Little Pony? Fans like him? He looks over to his mother. He cannot tell her now, what if she & dad thinks the same? Jayson gets up & hurriedly walks out of the room, passing his father on the way, avoiding his gaze. Fred looks on after him, worried for his beloved son. Jayson is clearly upset about something. More than just ordinary shame for masturbating. What is wrong? Jayson's paranoia is affecting his parents.
CUT TO:
On a bus, some time in the afternoon, Jayson is just sitting, bored & listening to music on his iPhone, via earphones. Suddenly, he perks up. He starts to sway slightly & gently tap his foot to an unheard beat. Whatever he is listening to lightens his spirits.
Suddenly, he goes stiff. His eyes widen & he glances over his shoulder. He sees someone is sitting right behind him & he all but panics. What if they can hear what he's listening to? He slaps his hands over his ears to block the sound. No, it still sounds loud enough. He reaches into his pocket & claws at his phone. He brings it out & quickly huddles over it, shielding the exposed side with his free hand. He presses the home button twice, showing an album cover featuring the main characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic & music controls at the top. The controls show that the song he is listening to is called "Winter Wrap-Up". He hits the pause button & the album art is replaced by his phone's wallpaper: another character from the show, a wall-eyed, gray pegasus. What if they see that? He immediately hits the lock button & the screen goes blank.
Jayson looks around. The person behind him is just reading; it does not look like he would have noticed, anyway. Everything is normal. No one heard his music. He feels bittersweet relief; no one heard, but he had to stop listening to the song. To keep it from happening again, he takes out his earphones & sits in silence. His paranoia is keeping him from enjoying himself.
CUT TO:
Some time in the late morning, Jayson is walking alongside a friend, a boy around his age, through a claustrophobic corridor, reflecting how he is boxed in by his paranoia. They both have bags on their backs. It must be high school. Jayson has his notepad & pen & is writing down what appears to be a reminder to do homework that night; he must be a diligent student, despite his troubles.
Jayson's friend, TOM, gets his attention & points ahead of them. Jayson looks to see another boy walking in the opposite direction ahead of them. He is wearing a My Little Pony cap. This is ANDREW. He is another fan of the cartoon.
Jayson's attention is peaked. Someone else likes the show? Maybe he can finally stop hiding his own like of it, at least with one person.
However, Tom quickly crushes those hopes when he starts talking about how people like this other teenage boy should not be watching a little girl's cartoon.
Jayson hesitates. He watches Andrew as he is suddenly stopped by a group of gruffer-looking boys. Bullies.
That clinches it. As they start to squeeze past Andrew & the bullies, Jayson saves (what he thinks is) face by flat-out lying & agreeing with Tom.
Andrew turns his head, apparently having heard Jayson. Jayson picks up his pace to avoid Andrew's gaze, ashamed. After walking for a few moments, Jayson takes one last sorrowful glance at Andrew, now being surrounded by the bullies, before turning away & not looking back. His paranoia has just made him do the wrong thing.
CUT TO:
The two eventually come to the car park outside the school. Jayson spots his father standing by the family car & hurries his pace, his head kept down in shame. He must feel like dirt for what he just said about Andrew, not to mention lying to his friend. He just wants to go home. He avoids his father's gaze & just ducks into the car.
CUT TO:
Fred slumps into the car. He adjusts the rear-view mirror to look at Jayson, who is sitting with his head down, earphones in & looking at his iPhone. He does not want to talk. Fred knows this. He looks at his son, very worried that something bad has happened. Does it have to do with his behaviour, lately? He puts the mirror back in place & starts the car. They leave. Jayson's paranoia is making his father worry even more.
CUT TO:
Jayson is walking out of class & into the claustrophobic corridor; still boxed in by his paranoia. He has his notepad & pen & is crossing out something about handing in homework. Apparently school has taken his mind off of things, because he seems nonchalant. His phone rings. He reaches into his pocket, pulls it out, presses the answer button & puts it to his ear.
Behind him, Andrew walks out of the classroom, still wearing his cap with pride, something Jayson could learn from. He starts to walk around Jayson, but then he sees the wall-eyed, gray My Little Pony character on Jayson's phone's wallpaper as he hangs up. Busted.
Andrew comments on this hypocrisy.
Jayson spins around, realises what is happening & desperately hides the phone. Oh God, he is in trouble, & he knows it. He racks his brain for an excuse, but he cannot find one. He gives up. He admits it & apologises for his behaviour, before.
Andrew asks if Jayson is hiding his fandom from his friends. Jayson is surprised; shouldn't Andrew be tearing him a new one for lying? He looks up & nods, a little bit speechless.
A window can be seen next to them, looking out at the sky; a proverbial window of opportunity from Jayson's concerns. Andrew tells him that he did the same thing, at first, & that he stopped some time after finding out more about "Bronies".
Jayson has just one question: "'Bronies?'"
Andrew explain that Bronies are men around his age that are fans of My Little Pony.
Jayson looks intrigued.
CUT TO:
Jayson is sitting in bed, in his slightly lit bedroom; a sign of transition from hiding in the dark. The blinds are drawn, but twilight is peeping through. An unopened tin of Pringles & a two-litre bottle of Coca Cola are sitting on his nightstand, alongside his notepad & pen. His legs are still raised under his duvet, hiding his laptop. His headphones are hanging around his neck, the other end plugged in.
P.O.V.: On the screen is an internet browser with several tabs open, with titles that include Party With Pinkie, Doctor Whooves & Assistant, The Vinyl Scratch Tapes & Brony Gangnam Style. The tab he is currently looking at is titled Ballad of the Brony.
Jayson reaches over & picks up his notepad & pen. It is open on a page titled "Brony Stuff". He must have gotten it all from Andrew. It lists several titles, including the ones open on the laptop. He starts crossing out some of them. It is dark by the time he is done. He taps the name Ballad of the Brony; the starting point.
Jayson puts down the notepad & pen. He puts in his earphones. He reaches over & grabs the Pringles, popping open the lid. With an "Allons-y" he presses the space bar. The video starts. FADE OUT:
FADE IN: In the wee hours of the next morning, a different video is ending. Sunlight is peeping through the blinds. Jayson's legs are flat under his duvet, no longer hiding his laptop; a sign of change. The Pringles tin & the Coca Cola bottle are empty.
A tear is running down Jayson's face. He is too taken aback to wipe it away. He just experienced some great things. Things that may change his outlook on his whole situation.
CUT TO:
The next school day, Jayson is sitting outside in the free space, reflecting how he is somewhat alleviated from his paranoia. He is ranting excitedly to Andrew about how great the stuff he just watched was & how amazed he is that it all came from the My Little Pony fan community. People just like him. Why should he be ashamed of that?
Andrew asks Jayson if he is feeling better about his problems now that, as part of a fan community, he has something else to be proud about, something to better empower him to get over his paranoia. Jayson asks if, "...it be too much to say that I feel "20% cooler"? Andrew responds with: "Yes. Yes it would." Jayson apologises.
Andrew asks if he is going to talk to his parents. Jayson is hesitant, citing how Bronies have been treated by the ignorant. Andrew responds to this with the simple common sense that his own loving parents are going to be more understanding than the idiots you get on YouTube, Fox News & at high school. Jayson concedes & says he will try that night. He is taking steps to help himself.
CUT TO:
Jayson is in the living room sitting adjacent from his parents, who are watching T.V.. He looks nervous; he can't seem to sit still. He has his laptop with him, earphones in & watching a video called "Pony Discussions - Regarding Closet Bronies". The video is about to end. On the screen is a pony character like one of those from My Little Pony. From Jayson's earphones come the words: "I hope this helps & resolves your issues. Thank you all for watching, & I'll catch you all later." This must be some kind of self-help video. He is preparing himself to admit his like for My Little Pony. He must be having more trouble than he thought he would.
Jayson looks away from the screen. He pulls out his notepad, open on the goal list, with "Tell Mum & Dad about liking My Little Pony" still at the bottom. Only now it is underlined, circled and has clearly been rubbed out and re-written; testament to how long & difficult this whole thing has been. He is thinking. The video helped, but he is still so unsure. Nothing has changed the possibility that his parents still might not understand his reasons for liking My Little Pony & react badly. He bites his lip, thinking hard.
No. He cannot risk it.
He gives up.
He looks down at the screen, depressed. He needs something to take his mind of it all, cheer him up. He looks online & finds the My Little Pony episode "Lesson Zero". He begins watching it.
DISSOLVE:
A few minutes later, he is intrigued as he watches the character Twilight Sparkle panicking about being "tardy", while the character Spike unsuccessfully tries to talk some reason into her, saying that she does not need to worry. Jayson can relate to that anxiety.
DISSOLVE:
A few minutes after that, Jayson is worried as he watches Twilight, disheveled & desperate, look around for a solution. This level of worry seems familiar.
DISSOLVE:
A few minutes after that, Jayson is disturbed as he watches Twilight, even more disheveled & completely mad, try to force a solution & completely losing control of the situation. ... This is what will happen to Jayson if he goes on like he is, isn't it?
DISSOLVE TO:
A couple minutes after that, Jayson is depressed as he watches what he thinks is Twilight about to be scalded for being tardy & the problems she caused. He is thinking that his & Twilight's anxiety WAS justified, after all.
DISSOLVE TO:
And a few minutes after that, he is glued to the screen. The video is nearly over. The characters are gathered together & start speaking about what they have learned in that episode. But one thing in particular spells it all out for Jayson: "...you shouldn't let your worries turn a small problem..." "Into an enormously-huge, entire-town-in-total-chaos, princess-has-to-come-and-save-the-day problem!" ... That is exactly what Jayson has been doing, and he knows it.
The rest of the episode does not matter. Jayson's mind is racing a mile a minute. He just watched someone work themselves into a seriously bad state because they had been worrying about something that didn't need to be worried about.
He thinks to himself. He realises that he has been doing exactly that. Like Andrew said, it is common sense that his loving parents ought to understand when he tells them.
Jayson looks at his parents, who are oblivious to all of this. His father sees him looking & looks back. He smiles. Jayson hesitates, then smiles back, genuinely, looking straight into his father's eyes. This brings Fred to attention as Jayson has avoided looking him in the eye for weeks. Jayson's worries begin to slowly fade & he is somehow much more relaxed about the whole situation.
Jayson smiles even wider, which makes his father smile; happy to see his little boy more cheerful after how he has been lately.
Jayson takes out his notepad & pen & adds to the "Tell Mum & Dad about liking My Little Pony" at the bottom of the goal list, "when you're good & ready". He puts the notepad & pen away, turns back to the screen & relaxes back into the chair.
DISSOLVE TO:
Jayson is sitting in bed, on a lazy day off, in his well-lit bedroom - indicative that he is no longer hiding - with his laptop. The blinds are open, letting the sunshine in. His legs are flat out above his duvet, no longer hiding the laptop. He is not wearing earphones & very cheery music is blaring from the laptop. He is no longer hiding his like for My Little Pony.
His door opens. He casually pauses the music. Fred steps through & tells him the music is too loud. Jayson apologises & says he will turn it down.
Fred hesitates, a look of curiosity on his face. He asks what Jayson was listening to. Jayson hesitates & looks away, nervous.
Fred is concerned; did he just cross some kind of line? Jayson is acting strange again. Does it have something to do with what has been bothering him? Having stepped into the situation, he takes the chance to ask just that.
Jayson looks up in surprise; he noticed? Well, of course he did. Jayson looks to the screen for a second, seeing the main characters of My Little Pony; he feels strengthened.
He tells his beloved father that he is listening to My Little Pony. Fred, bewildered, asks him why he is watching it. Jayson briefly explains about Bronies & that this, the new version of the program, is actually very good.
Fred thinks for a moment.
Jayson is worried at his hesitation. Is he about to scald him? Was he right to worry that he would misunderstand?
Fred sits next to Jayson on the bed, a serious look on his face. It is time to talk. Fred asks how long he has been watching it. Jayson tells him a couple of months. When Fred asks him why he is only finding him watching it now, Jayson tells him that he has been hiding it. It hits Fred: that is why Jayson has been acting strange lately. Fred asks him for confirmation, which Jayson gives before apologising for his behaviour. Fred finally understands, & he is okay with it. He can tell this was hard for Jayson, so he treads carefully & asks him, "So what's this new version?"
Jayson breaths a sigh of relief before smiling. His father seems alright with it. He really was making mountains out of mole hills.
His fears alleviated, Jayson begins to tell his beloved father about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
And there you go.
What did you think?
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic developed for television by Lauren Faust
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic & all related names, characters & images owned by Hasbro Studios