I don't own anything.
This takes place before Nick and Amanda got together the first time, whenever that was.
Sometimes Nick lost faith in humanity. The job wasn't the best place to meet good people and it didn't have the best effect on him too, the anger, the disappointment. How could he go on with his life after a jury found a rapist not guilty because he could afford a good lawyer? Justice wasn't served and he felt like crap for not being able to do anything about it.
His personal life got turned upside down because he couldn't separate work and home and that led to him losing his wife and daughter. He didn't recognize himself sometimes.
The sound of the alarm clock filled the room, the beep-beep-beep, beep-beep-beep. Nick's movements were automatic, he sat down and turned it off, quickly getting out of the bed. After a visit to the bathroom, a quick shower, brushing his teeth and a quick breakfast Nick got dressed for work. He ironed his suit and left the house.
Even the drive to work was automatic, he knew the way so well he could probably do it blindfolded, Nick chuckled, thinking that wasn't a good idea. He parked the car and walked into the station.
"Morning" Amanda greeted him, she was making herself coffee and didn't even look up.
"Hey" he said, seeing she poured it into a big cup "are you going to leave any for other people?"
"Didn't think you like coffee Amaro" she finally looked at him "you're into those energy drinks that are way worse…" she smiled "I'm sure they are illegal in some countries"
"Funny" he walked over to Benson's office and seeing she was on the phone he smiled at her and returned to his desk.
"She's still talking to him?" Amanda asked.
"Him?" he figured she was talking about Benson but had no idea who she was talking to.
"The chief" Amanda replied "he is unhappy about something, I didn't get much, but something is definitely wrong"
"I don't think there's another possibility in this place" they grinned at each other and Nick stood up when he saw Benson with a displeased look on her face.
"We have a runaway" she let them know "a victim, Jason Peters"
"Peters?" they started working on the case less than a week ago, it was a tough one, as the victim was raped by his personal trainer and the fact he knew the assailant and was a male, made him uncooperative.
"The chief really wants the trial to go well, but with him disappearing it's not going to look good, the defense still don't know about this so you two go and look for him, no, find him"
"OK, do we know where he was last seen?" Nick asked.
"We have no idea, start at his place, his friends, you know the drill" her phone was buzzing again and she had to answer, but looked back at him "I'm gonna put a trace on his phone, in case he turns it on"
"Let's go" Nick said and Amanda followed him to his car.
"I have a feeling he's not at his apartment" Amanda said when she sat down.
"We still need to check it first" Nick drove away, he was there just a few days ago, trying to convince him to testify, he knew he didn't want to, maybe he pushed him too far?
The super unlocked the door but Peters wasn't there and they couldn't find any clues.
"When was the last time you saw him?" Amanda asked.
"This morning" the man answered "he took out his trash"
The detectives rushed outside to go through the trash and Amanda handed him a pair of gloves.
"Tell me this isn't why you joined the force" she smiled and climbed into the can "living the dream"
"You only say that because we took my car" he joined her.
"The good news is" Amanda ignored his comment "I saw he had orange bags in his kitchen and I only see one here, so…" she grabbed it and started taking things out "gross leftovers…an apple…papers" she handed them to Nick so he'd check them out "more leftovers, looks really old"
"These are just old receipts, useless" he bought a microwave a month ago, not gonna help them find him.
"Here's something else, it's wet, I can't read it" she handed him another page, this one wasn't a receipt.
"We'll take it back, maybe the lab can help us"
"Oh…a condom" she looked at Nick "should we take that to the lab too? Doesn't look very old"
"I don't know, it's gonna take a while until we get the DNA results back, so it's not gonna help us find him, we'll go talk to his friends"
"And if we put it in the file the defense will use it against him as if he can't sleep with anyone anymore" Amanda let the condom drop back into the trash bag and turned to Nick "there's nothing else here"
"Let's head back to the lab" Nick climbed out and helped Amanda "we need to find out where this page is from and go talk to his friends"
"And we don't even smell bad, lucky us"
After a quick stop at the lab Nick and Amanda, this time taking her car, drove to each of Jason Peters' friends they knew about. No one seemed to know where he was or if he was seeing anyone.
"Let's take a break" Amanda said after they left another one of his friends, he, like the others, had no idea where he was.
"You want to eat?" Nick was hungry and they could use a few minutes of rest.
"Yeah, I'm dying for a hotdog" she spotted a food truck selling them "come on, I'll buy you one"
"I have a feeling that even when we find him, he's not going to go through with this, he's gonna drop the charges" Nick said when they sat down on a bench, Amanda handed him his portion and he thanked her.
"You're probably right" she took a small bite.
"Our job sucks" he smiled.
Amanda chuckled and grinned "maybe you should apply for one at Disneyworld"
"I'll think about it"
"If you end up working there I want to get free tickets, I am the one who gave you the idea"
"Deal" he got a text saying there were no news on the phone or on his credit card.
"We should check with the lab again, make sure they know it's urgent" she said.
"I'll call them when we're done" he placed the phone back in the pocket. He wanted to say they'd find him, but he knew they might not and he hated the thought. Nick was here because he wanted to help people, change their lives. But he felt like the only life changes was his, and not in a good way.
"Let's head back" Amanda stood up and Nick followed her.
"So the lab got nothing?" Nick looked at the page they found, they had a copy of it, there was a logo on it, but it was wet so they couldn't figure it out.
"Not yet" Benson informed "but they are still looking into it, the quality is bad…"
"It was in the trash" Amanda said.
"I know" Benson looked at her "you tried your best, we'll have to continue tomorrow, but I'll let you know if there's anything else, have a good night"
"Yeah, you too" Nick was ready to go home, he spent most of the day running around looking for this man, he could use some rest.
"I could use a drink, wanna join me?" Amanda offered.
A drink sounded good to Nick, maybe better than resting, so he nodded and said he'd meet her there.
Nick wasn't the biggest fan of the bar Amanda chose, he knew she liked it because it was close to her place and because it was cheap, but for him it seemed like it was full with dodgy people and they all knew they were cops.
"Hey" Amanda already had a drink in front of her and Nick sat down on the stool closest to hers "I ordered you a beer" she handed it to him.
"Thanks" he took a long sip and smiled at her. Amanda's hair was down and he thought it looked nice, a little messy, but he liked that.
"I know you don't like this place" she said quietly, not wanting others to hear.
"Yeah, well" he leaned closer to her "don't you get the feeling we're gonna one day arrest one of them?"
Amanda chuckled "I didn't think one of us would ever be arrested, so…" she shrugged.
"Yeah, ok" Nick took another sip, he didn't need the reminder and looked away.
"Sorry, didn't mean to upset you, it was just a joke" she said.
"Not a funny one" he smirked.
"Ok, I know it wasn't the best day, but the whole point of this" she gestured at the drinks "is to leave it behind"
"Maybe it's not that easy for me" he raised his beer "maybe a drink is not how I solve problems"
"What are you saying?" her eyes squinted.
"I didn't mean anything…" he realized how she must have taken it, as if he implied alcohol was her way to unwind.
"What did you mean then?" she looked at him.
"I didn't mean anything" he felt guilty for upsetting her, he was getting so good at hurting people. Think before you speak, that was something he couldn't teach himself, maybe he was stupid? If after so many years of being alive he couldn't do the simple task of thinking?
"Well it sounded like you meant something Nick, and you're sitting here drinking too, so maybe…"
"Damn it Rollins" he raised his voice which got them a little audience "I said I didn't mean anything, why can't you let it go?" he stood up and looked at a man who stared "what are you looking at?" he asked him.
"Calm down" Amanda tried.
"Don't tell me what to do" he said.
"If you need to calm down I'm gonna tell you to calm down" she stood in front of him and looked straight into his eyes.
He should have said sorry and take his own advice, let it go. Why was he angry? He said something she took the wrong way, so why was he looking at her with so much anger when what he should have done was tell her he really didn't mean anything by it. He had a lot of respect to the fact she tried hard to stay away from gambling.
Nick felt like something was taking over him, like it was a different personality, the one who solved problems with fists.
"Nick" her voice softened but he couldn't hear.
"Just forget it" he took out money from his wallet and threw it on the counter before walking out into the street.
Amanda walked after him "what's going on?" she shouted and Nick turned around and waited for her to come closer.
"I don't know what you want" he said "it's been a crappy day, I'm not in the mood, I shouldn't have come here and have this crappy drink with you. I just want to go to sleep, is that ok with you?"
"I don't get you" she shrugged "but I don't think I want to. Do whatever the fuck you want Amaro and good luck with that" she turned away and walked the other way.
Nick got into his car and started at the wheel, he felt the anger boiling in him, like his entire body was possessed. Maybe a demon took over him and he needed an exorcism?
Nick hit the wheel and the sound of the horn almost scared him.
He drove back to his place and took a shower before getting into bed. He closed his eyes when he covered himself with the blanket. He decided to apologize first thing, he shouldn't have screamed at Amanda. She was a good person and a good friend, even if she wouldn't call him a friend right now. He promised himself to apologize to her the following day. Yeah, it's gonna be a better day tomorrow, he took a deep breath and his last thought was how nice her hair looked like.
The sound of the alarm clock filled the room, the beep-beep-beep, beep-beep-beep. Nick's movements were automatic, he sat down and turned it off, quickly getting out of the bed. After a visit to the bathroom, a quick shower, brushing his teeth and a quick breakfast Nick got dressed for work. He ironed his suit and left the house.
Even the drive to work was automatic, he knew the way so well he could probably do it blindfolded, Nick chuckled, thinking that wasn't a good idea. He parked the car and walked into the station.
"Morning" Amanda greeted him, she was making herself coffee and didn't even look up.
Nick thought she didn't look at him because she was upset, he had to apologize so things could go back to normal.
He was about to say something when he noticed she was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, why was that? Did she not sleep at her place? Not that it was his business, but he didn't like it.
"Listen" Nick said quietly, she was pouring her coffee into a big cup and Nick had a bizarre Déjà vu feeling, he shook it off and continued talking "I'm sorry"
"Sorry?" she seemed confused.
"For yesterday at the…" Nick wasn't sure why she was giving him this look, maybe she got back there, had a few more drinks, left with a guy and…Nick felt a sting of jealousy and was about to elaborate when Benson walked out of her office.
"We have a runaway" she let them know "a victim, Jason Peters"
"Yeah, we know" Nick said and thy both gave him a puzzled look.
"You know?" she looked at Rollins.
"I know now that you said it" she looked at Nick, clearly not sure how he knew.
"I don't know who called you" Benson turned her attention to Nick "but what matters it that you find him, so…"
"But…" Nick wasn't sure what was going on. She told them he disappeared yesterday and they couldn't find him.
"But what?"
Nick wasn't sure he should answer, how would he explain this?
"But nothing" he shook his head "let me just check something on my computer…"
Nick quickly found the calendar and checked today's date. But it must have been wrong, how could today be the same date as yesterday?
Sorry - but right now I'm not going to continue writing this fic, maybe someday...