I was wondering why it is so hard for me,
to admit my need to my Lord?
All I have to do is get on my knees in prayer,
pour my sins before His feet,
and let Him cleanse me.
But the closer I come before His feet,
the harder it is for me to confess.
My heart becomes even colder,
indifferent, and distant.
Why? Why? Why?
Why am I so weak?
Why do I seek temporary pleasure?
Why do I hide from the Lord?
Why,
when my heart is so broken?
Why,
when I know that only His
comfort takes away my pain?
Sometimes I am at the edge of giving up,
to give up what is so dear in my life.
To give up my faith in Christ,
to become completed in this world.
But that itself does not satisfy my soul.
I've tried to hide,
never wanting to resurface,
never wanting to recommit.
But every time I am so close to losing my hope,
He draws me back.
But how many times can I test His patience with me?
Is this the final time that He will lead me back to Him?
This scares me to no end,
I am afraid!
I have accepted Christ
and there is no turning back
Because I have felt His goodness,
His Spirit moving His people;
moving me.
After experiencing the wholeness of my soul,
How can I long for anything else?
Oh, but temptation is never-ending and
draws me to the pits of hell,
a living, breathing hell, in my life.
I cannot go on much longer like this.
My soul cries out against me for forsaking my God.
Oh Lord help me.
I want to live a life
renewed,
reformed,
rejuvenated,
reborn.