I hope you enjoy my first actual chapter-fanfic!
Disclaimer: I do not own Victoria's Secret, Kid Rock, or Coyote Ugly ;) Nor do I own any of the Final Fantasy 8 characters, they belong to Square.
"Squall, get the hell up to my office right now," Cid stated over the intercom of Balamb Garden.
A few people nearby snickered at the fact Squall was getting his ass whooped.
Squall reluctantly made his way to the elevator and walked through the fancy doors into Cid's office.
"Squall, your new mission as a SeeD: Steal a thong from Edea the sorceress. This might be a difficult operation because she recently moved out because I merely came out and just asked her for it. She didn't take it to well. So, whaddya say?" Cid asked.
Squall stared at him dumbly and decided to take his shirt off.
"I was hot," he stated.
"I'm with ya Squall!" Cid took his shirt off.
"Erm… Well no, I won't do that mission."
"Wh-why not?!" Cid was revealing his perve side. "Fine I'll just get Irvine to do it."
Squall quickly rushed out of the room and hurried into the elevator to head downstairs.
He then met up with his usual friends, Zell, Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, and Seifer (He's part of the group now, so sue me), who were all standing outside of the infirmary.
"Hey!" Selphie said giddily.
"Hey. Cid just asked me to-"
"To go on a new mission?!" Selphie interrupted.
"…Yeah. He told-"
"He told you to assassinate the president of Mars?!" she interrupted again.
"No, Selphie."
"Then spit it out already Leonheart!" Seifer cut in.
"Yeah!" They all yelled simultaneously.
"PLEASE! Just shut up already!"
"You wanna mess?" Zell held up his fists.
"Apparently I can't talk to you right now. I'm gonna go find Rinoa so she can maybe back me up." He tried to not yell
"Sheesh, what's up his ass?" Selphie crossed her arms over her chest.
He headed for Rinoa's dorm and opened her door without knocking.
"Rin-"
"What are you doing here?!" She screamed
SLAM.
Open
"…Well I needed you to just come help me discuss something with the party!" Squall this time slammed the door in HER face.
SLAM
OPEN
"WELL IM BUSY!" She screamed back at him.
SLAM
OPEN
"WHATEVER!"
SLAM
This time, when Rinoa opened the door, her face was as red as an apple, and she screamed so loud everybody could hear her.
"THEN GET OOOUUUTTT!!!"
SLAM
"Someone's got PMS." Squall dove out into the hall scared to death.
He lay on his stomach shaking, when he looked up and saw Cid.
"Squall, I was serious when I told you to make Irvine go, now why haven't you told him yet?" Cid looked down and at Squall.
"It's a long story." Squall winced then slowly got up and hurriedly walked away.
"Well, I guess I'll just go do the mission myself!!!" he yelled over to Squall.
Squall headed for the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee or something.
When he got there, he saw all his friends huddling at a nearby table whispering to each other.
"…Squall! What a pleasant surprise!" Quistis said, loudly letting the others be aware he was standing right there.
"Let's cut the amiability. Squall, we've decided to send you on a dare." Seifer cut in.
"What? No…What are we, twelve?" Squall objected
"You might look like you are, but no, we aren't. No twelve year old would be able to do this." Seifer looked around smiling sadistically.
"Whatever…what is it…what's the dare…?" Squall asked reluctantly.
"You need to get some more girls. And once you do, introduce them to us. So, we have decided to send you on a mission to get a single thong from every girl, 16 and up, in Balamb Garden"
"WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL WITH THONGS!" he yelled so loudly, a few people chuckled and he turned bright red. "You gotta be kidding me. Really, why is everybody obsessed with them?" he added calmly.
"We like 'em," Irvine replied smiling a pervish grin.
"Yeah, especially the Victoria's Secret frilly ones," Zell added.
"You need a thong? Well, I can help out!" Out of nowhere Xu walked through the cafeteria. She slipped off her panties and threw them to Squall.
Squall moved his arms to ring her neck, but she quickly slipped away.
She walked out of the cafeteria happily.
Squall sat down and banged his head against a table.
"Well, seeing Squall seems to be a thong magnet, you gotta get one from Rinoa too," Irvine added and started cracking up.
Squall gave him an evil look. Irvine held up his hands defensively loosing his smile.
When he saw all of his friends were nodding their heads in agreement, his face turned deeply red. He knew he wouldn't win the dare if he didn't get a thong from Rinoa.
"No. No! I'm not doing this. What's going to happen if I don't? Huh?"
"Well, we have our ideas," Zell said snickering and looking around at the friends. They all nodded their heads.
Squall squeezed his hands together in rage. Selphie started to feel bad. Squall could never pull this off…unless…Selphie quickly snuck out of the cafeteria.
"OKAY EVERYBODY!" Squall looked over to see Selphie on top of a table jumping up and down with a little karaoke machine and a little microphone.
She must have sneaked out a second ago when Squall wasn't watching.
"All gals, 16 and over… we want your thongs!" Selphie got the attention of the whole cafeteria. "WE WANT TO SEE YOUR THONGS!!!" She screamed again.
A few girls stared at her in disbelieve but others listened attentively.
"COME ON! Don't be shy! Here, as a volunteer…I'll take mine off…and hand it over to Squall!" She slipped hers off and swung it over her head then kicked it over to Squall who caught it in disbelief.
She jumped off the table and punched play on her Karaoke machine. It blasted "Cowboy" by Kid Rock.
"Well I'm packing up my game and I'm a head out west
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts
Find a nest in the hills chill like Flint
Buy an old drop top find a spot to pimp
And I'm a Kid Rock it up and down your block
With a bottle of scotch and watch lots of crotch
Buy yacht with a flag sayin' chillin' the most
Then rock that bitch up and down the coast
Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars
Get thrown in the mix and tossed out of bars
Sip the Tijuana...I wanna roam
Find the old town chillin' fools then come back home
Start an escort service, for all the right reasons
And set up shop at the top of four seasons
Kid Rock and I'm the Real McCoy and I'm headin' out west sucker..."
"Because I wanna be a COWBOY BABY!" The whole Garden screamed.
Selphie picked out two other girls who seemed to be really getting into this and dragged them up onto the table with her.
They slipped off there thongs and threw them over to Squall.
His eyes were now popped wide open, and he was practically in shock as he realized he was starting to get covered in thongs.
Selphie jumped off the table and got a huge bucket of water from the kitchen, then poured it all over herself and the girls next to her, completely getting drenched.
She shook her hips, waved her body and shook her wet hair around like a bar-dancer at a nightclub. Her clothes clung tightly to her chest.
Quistis started laughing at the fact that it looked like Selphie had seen Coyote Ugly way to many times.
Squall, who was still getting covered in thongs, wanted to pommel Selphie's ass.
She looked at him and gave him a sexy yet innocent smile.
Irvine passed out on the floor because all these girls were too much for him to take.
Selphie had almost every person in Balamb Garden crowded in the cafeteria screaming and dancing. It was like a nightclub.
Selphie was having so much fun she forgot this would give her some sort of reputation.
"All girls! We need more THONGS!" she screamed again holding two thongs up in her hands.
Thongs were flying everywhere. People were throwing them every which way, some people were swinging them around their heads, and some guys were just holding them in absolute shock.
Squall had them surrounding his feet, tons on his head, on his shoulders, on his back, and some sticking to his ass, every part of him was covered, and he stood there in silence, too fumed to move.
He turned his head to Zell and Seifer and they knew Squall had won the bet. Seifer laughed torturously but gave him a well-done smile. He walked over to Squall.
"You still haven't gotten Rinoa's," Seifer whispered and laughed again viciously
Cid was desperately trying to break the party up, him and a million other Garden staff.
But thousands of students and only a limited staff couldn't even compare. He decided to give up, go back to his office, hide under his desk and suck on his thumb.
End of chapter one
AN:/ I myself am re-reading this story as I'm re-writing it. I wrote this almost two years ago, and to this day, I don't know what sort of things were running through my head