Disclaimer: Obvious parodies aside, I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks.

"All right, boys, each of you can buy one video game," said Dave. "And remember, only E or E-10-rated games."

"What about eC-rated games?" asked Theodore.

"Theo, why would you want to play an Early Childhood game?" asked Alvin.

"Well, yes, you can have one of those if you so insist," said Dave, "but no T or M-rated games."

The boys went searching around the video game section of Fricasee's Electronics. Theodore immediately picked up the cute, colorful box for a game titled "Sammy Squirrel's Bad Fur Day".

"I want this one!"

Simon looked at it. "Um, Theo, sorry to burst your bubble, but this game's rated M."

"Don't be silly. They wouldn't make an M-rated game about cute squirrels – oh." Theodore saddened when he noticed the M on the box. "How could they rate it M?"

Simon read the back of the box. "It's rated M for swearing, intense violence, sex, nudity, drug and alcohol use, graphic visuals of – ahem – human bodily functions and waste products, and offensive racial slurs – not to mention slurs against our own species."

"Well, that's silly! What kind of mature person would want to play a game about cute squirrels? I was really looking forward to the next Sammy Squirrel game!"

Alvin said, "An M-rated Sammy Squirrel game? They must've gone nuts! Still, I'd play it if it's really that dirty…"

Dave said, "ALVIN, if you want a video game, choose another one."

Theodore looked at some fun E-rated games. "This looks cool!" He picked up a copy of Jungle Racers.

Simon pondered over what game he wanted. I don't get what's so great about violence and sex and other inappropriate content. M for Mature seems quite contrary to the nature of those who enjoy such content that is the selling point of those games.

Simon had his eye on Power Chess 2. He already had the original, but the sequel was supposed to have better graphics and a 3-D chess mode.

"Dave, how about this?" Alvin held up a game called FusionX, his thumb covering the rating. But Dave could tell just from the cover art that the game was too violent for eleven-year-olds.

"Nice try, Alvin. Let me see the rating." Dave moved Alvin's thumb to see that it was an M-rating.

"Alvin, I already told you, no M-rated games! Now, if you don't pick a nice E title, then you're leaving without a video game of your own."

"But-"

"No but's, Alvin. You will simply have to wait until you're seventeen to play FusionX."

FusionX? Simon recalled reading a review about it in a gaming magazine. From what he heard, it was a fantastic RPG/action game with rave reviews that contained real scientific content, mind-bendingly complex puzzles and codes to crack, and an intense level of strategy. He had figured it was rated T for Teen, and he thought Dave might let it slide since he was only two years from 13 anyway, but if it was rated M, he would simply have to forget it.

Maybe Dave will… Nah.

Alvin decided to settle for an E-10 rated game called Gorilla Adventures 64 (yes, this story happens during N64 era, for those of you too young to remember – and I don't own that, either).

"All right, Simon, have you made your decision yet?"

But it's not fair! I'm mature beyond my years. It's a matter of principle – I should be treated in a way that is appropriate to my mental age level, regardless of chronological advancement. I already have the original Power Chess anyway; how much better could the sequel possibly be?

"Simon?"

"Uh, I'll take Power Chess 2."

"Good choice."

Simon went home and watched as his brothers played their games with each other. He couldn't settle down and play his own; he was too busy thinking about FusionX, his mind tinged with regret for not having the guts to ask for it.

All right, Simon, he told himself, you cannot afford to be anxious over that stupid video game all the time. The quickest and most relieving way to get it out of your system is to discuss it with Dave. That way, even if he says no, at least you're satisified that you never had a chance to play it anyway.

"Um, Dave?"

"Yes, Simon?" Dave was reading the news."

Simon turned around to make sure his brothers were too absorbed in Jungle Racers to eavesdrop. "How mature do you think I am?"

Coming from Alvin, Dave would have known immediately what he was up to; coming from Simon, the hidden agenda, if it existed, was unfathomable.

"Well, there's no easy way to answer that. Intellectually, yes, I think you're very mature for your age – in fact, more mature than most adults – period! "

"Well, that goes without saying, but do you feel that I am emotionally mature?"

"Compared to your brothers, very much so. Is there a reason why you are asking me this?"

"Well, you see… perhaps I am wrong, but I believe I might be mature enough for a certain video game whose rating lies beyond my chronological age."

"Oh, so you wanted to buy a T-rated game? Well, if you would have asked, I might have considered making an exception for you – but you would have to keep it a secret from your brothers, especially Alvin."

"I'm not talking about a T-rated game. The game that I have had my eye on has an, ahem, M-rating."

"Hmm, I don't know that you're ready for the adult themes of Mature-rated games-"

"But this game is not heavy on adult content! It's just heavy on violence. But it's not just mindless violence like the games Alvin wants to play. It's a very intelligent game about science and encryption. And unlike my immature brothers, I am mature enough to process the violence without becoming violent myself!"

"But it was only two or three years ago that you were scared to death of that Hideous Harold movie you and your brothers snuck off to."

"Dave,that was, like you said, two or three years ago! A lot of mental development can happen during that time frame!"

"Well… how about I rent it, and play it for myself, and I shall decide if it's appropriate for you."

"It's a deal!" Simon shook his father's hand.

A week later, Simon caught Dave downstairs playing the game he had rented. Simon kept out of his way, and Dave caught up with him later with a horrified look on his face.

"That game is so loud and graphic – a nuclear bomb blows up every time you lose… and all the explosions give me nausea… people being killed in such gruesome ways… ugh! It's too scary for me! The answer is no, Simon. I'm sorry."

Simon sunk his head. He knew that Dave was by nature squeamish about violence, but it was no use arguing with him.

The phone rang. Simon picked up.

"Hello, Seville residence, the immature one speaking," he said dully.

"Hey, Simon!" It was Jeanette's voice. "Hey, you sound bummed. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Dave just doesn't think I am mature enough for FusionX, that's all."

"Well, that's why I called! We got new video games today, including FusionX!"

"Really?" Simon turned around to make sure Dave wasn't still in earshot. "Miss Miller actually allows you to buy those games?"

"Yeah, she's pretty clueless about that kind of thing."

"Okay, my brothers and I will be there right away!" Simon hung up.

"Dave, I'm going to Miss Miller's."

"Okay, then. Have fun."

"Alvin, Theodore, do you want to go to Miss Miller's with me?" asked Simon.

"Love to. Can't. Must – find the – last banana…" Alvin's thumbs were twitching from playing Gorilla Adventures for so long.

"When's it gonna be my turn?" asked Theodore.

"Never! This is a one-player game!"

"Well, that's no fun! I'm going to Miss Miller's!"

Simon leaned in to whisper to Alvin. "Did I mention that Miss Miller allows the Chipettes to play mature-rated games?"

Alvin dropped the controller. "See you later, Dave! I'm off to visit the girls at Miss Miller's!"

"Good. Some time out of the house will do you some good. You've been on that thing all week!" Dave picked up the remote and turned on a soap opera that he had been falling behind on.

When they got there, Eleanor was playing Sammy Squirrel's Bad Fur Day.

"Wow, you got the Sammy Squirrel game!" shouted Theodore. "Can I play?"

"No, I don't think you'll like this game. It's probably too nasty for you. Why don't we go bake something in the kitchen and let the others play!"

Jeanette, for once, beat Brittany to the controls. She put the FusionX cartridge (that's right, I said cartridge) in and handed the controller to Simon.

To Simon, the game was rapture. He had never played such a stimulating video game. The graphics were a little strong at first, but he was eventually desensitized to them.

Or so he thought. After a little over an hour of gameplay, Simon began to feel nauseous. He had remembered reading warnings in video game instruction booklets about the dangers of excessive gameplay, but he had never experienced this headache before; he had, at times, played video games for hours on end without feeling the slightest bit nauseous. But then, he had never played a video game with such spectacularly rendered graphics before.

He couldn't stop playing.

"Hurry up, Simon!" Alvin screamed. "It was me and Brittany's turn half an hour ago! We want to play Boxing Brawl!"

Brittany yanked the cartridge out.

Oh, well, it's all for the better, Simon thought. He reclined over the couch, with Alvin and Brittany bouncing on either side of him, pounding each other's blood-and-sweat-stained avatar on the TV screen.

"Hurray!" Brittany beat Alvin, for the fifth time in a row. "Take that!"

"I demand a rematch!" yelled Alvin. "C'mon, best six out of eleven?"

"Alvin, just admit it – I am boxing queen!"

"Maybe on the video game set, but I bet you're not in real life!"

"Dream on! I can cream you any day of the week!"

"You'll be eating those words once I hit puberty!"

"And when's that going to happen?"

"You're just too chicken to fight and risk your title, aren't you?"

You're on!" Brittany ran at Alvin and slugged him.

Alvin punched her back.

"You wouldn't hit a girl!"

"Not after puberty! But right now, I would!"

Simon moved off the couch as Alvin and Brittany became more violent. Because they weren't wearing boxing gloves, they got bruised pretty badly, and neither of them was clearly a better boxer than the other.

"You know, Jeanette?"

"Yes Simon?"

"Do you see what video game violence has done to these children?"

"Yes, I do."

"I can now see that those developmental psychologists who see a link between video games and violence are right. I think that we ought to hold off on mature video games for the time being."

"But Simon, just because they beat each other up in real life doesn't mean that we will."

"But we are still developing, Jeanette. If we become too accustomed to the violence, then who knows how it will affect us in the long run! Maybe we won't-" Simon moved out of the way as Alvin cut between them, followed by Brittany-"Maybe we won't turn violent, but is it any better to be tolerant of violence?"

"I suppose you're right. Maybe we should give FusionX a rest. It hurts my eyes anyway."

"Yes, FusionX can wait. In the meantime, would you like to come to my house to play Power Chess 2?"

"Would I!" Simon and Jeanette left Alvin and Brittany to knock each other out onto the floor, and to, after regaining consciousness, argue who knocked out who first.