So I had this idea in my head for a while and finally decided to put it down on paper. It is canon but I did mess with the timeline a bit (nothing major but I don't want to say too much until the end). It is set at the end of HBP before Harry goes horcrux hunting. Anyway, hope you enjoy it!
If I owned Harry would I really be posting here??
Hermione's Detention
"POTTER! WEASLEY!"
If Harry had had time to properly reflect on their current situation, he would have undoubtedly called the look of horrified amusement on Ginny's rather flushed face cute, but unfortunately he was not currently afforded that luxury.
"You had to throw just one more, didn't you?" he called over his shoulder at the sprinting redhead as they wove their way through labyrinthine corridors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
"How was I supposed to know that Snape was coming around the corner? It's not like I can see through walls!" she retorted as Harry led the way, sprinting up the steps that led to the Gryffindor common room.
Gasping for breath, they managed to mumble the password to the Fat Lady before they stumbled through the portrait hole and collapsed in one of the many overstuffed chairs that dotted the room.
"You have to admit though," Ginny added between breaths, "the look on Snape's face was priceless."
At the thought, Harry's face lit up, remembering the sickly green slime of the stink bomb that Ginny had thrown slowly oozing down Snape's greasy black hair, pooling slightly in the folds of his robe before gradually spilling down his front.
He had been sure that they had managed to duck behind the banister of the railing before the potions master had seen them, but apparently they had had no such luck. Either Snape was getting smarter or Harry was getting slower. Regardless, he knew they would be paying for their mischief come Monday when Snape handed them both a week's worth of detentions.
"So," Harry began, poking Ginny playfully in the ribs, "what punishment do you think Snape will devise for us next week?"
"Hmmm…" Ginny said thoughtfully, a smirk teasing the corners of her mouth, "who knows, hopefully it'll be something more creative then cleaning out his cauldrons again."
But before Harry could respond, a familiar voice him off, "What did you two do this time?"
"Oh nothing, mum," Ginny smirked, enjoying the look of annoyance that flashed briefly across Hermione's face, "we just decided to pay Snape a little after hours visit."
"Well actually," Harry cut in, picking up on his girlfriend's train of thought, "Ginny here decided that we needed to throw one last stink bomb…"
"You didn't," Hermione cut in, looking horrified.
Smiling proudly, Ginny leaned over and gave Harry a peck on the cheek before smiling triumphantly, "I did, and you should've seen the look on his face."
Hermione looked about to vent her frustrations once again, when Ron bounded down the steps behind her, beaming from ear to ear.
"That sounds bloody brilliant!" he exclaimed, "that old git deserved every bit of it!"
"Ron!" Hermione protested.
"Oh come off it, Hermione," Ron scowled, his mood instantly darkening, "you know how much Snape hates us—especially Harry. He deserves to get covered in stinking goo every once in a while. Besides, messing with Snape is fun. You should try it for a change."
Hermione didn't say anything, opting to glare condescendingly down at Ron and the now silent, but still grinning, couple.
"Oh come on," Harry countered, "have you ever even thrown a stink bomb before?"
"Of course not!" Hermione exclaimed, clearly affronted by such a suggestion, "why would I ever do something like that?"
"Because it's fun," Ron deadpanned.
"Oh yeah?" she said, whirling to face Ron, "I do lots of fun stuff!"
"Like what?" he smirked, "re-reading Hogwarts, A History for the fifth time?"
"Well no," she sputtered, clearly wanting to tell Ron that reading and learning were actually fun if he ever took the time to open his textbooks.
"Then," Ginny grinned from her place beside Harry, "prove it."
"What!?" she almost shrieked.
"Prove it," Ginny finished simply. "Come with us tomorrow night. Fred and George just sent me some of the latest products they've been developing at the shop. We could try them out on Filch and Snape…"
"Of all the…." She stuttered, "not on your…" she paused again, seeing the looks of eager anticipation on Harry and Ginny's faces and the manic gleam in Ron's eyes. "Oh fine!" she conceded, throwing her hands in the air, before whirling to face Ginny, "but if my perfect record gets smudged, there will be hell to pay!"
And with that, she stormed out of the common room and up to the girl's dormitory, leaving Harry, Ginny, and Ron looking slightly shocked but rather pleased with themselves.
"Ok, so let's review our plan," Ron whispered, "Hermione, when you see Mrs. Norris…"
"I'm not hexing Filch's cat just for your amusement Ron!" Hermione protested.
"But it won't be simply for us," Ron pouted, "it'll be for you too. Just think of all those times she's tried to get us in trouble."
"No Ron," she snorted, "I think it's only you she bothers…probably because you're always sneaking out after hours when you're not supposed to."
"Awww, but 'Mione, we need you. You're the smartest witch in the school," Ron whined, giving her what he thought was his most disappointed, yet endearing face.
He held his look for a full five seconds, pointedly ignoring Harry and Ginny who were pretending to throw up behind him. Finally, just as he was beginning to think his Weasley charm had somehow failed him, Hermione's face softened,
"Fine," she scowled, "but, so help me Ronald Weasley, if I get in trou—"
Her last sentence was cut off when Ron flung his arms delightedly around her neck in a brief hug before turning and happily bouncing over to the portrait hole, completely failing to notice Hermione's quiet smile and rather flushed face.
About fifteen minutes later, Hermione was already regretting her decision to help the pranksters as she hid outside the doorway of the girls' toilet on the first floor, watching the rapidly spreading puddle of water slowly seep out and into the hallway.
"Remind me again why we're flooding the bathroom," she asked no one in particular.
"Because," Ginny responded coolly, "Filch is bound to come and investigate, and when he does," she mimed clapping her hands together, "he's going to be in for the surprise of his life."
"Yeah, if he doesn't faint and die from shock first," Harry muttered under his breath.
Ron scowled at Harry before turning back to see that their puddle had now spread across the entire hallway and was beginning to creep toward the stairwell that led down into the dungeons. They waited in silence for another fifteen minutes, and just when they were all beginning to worry that Filch wasn't keeping to his stringent schedule of patrolling the halls after hours, a pair of small, yellow eyes began bobbing toward them in the darkness.
Harry could almost see both Ginny and Ron tense in anticipation and Hermione begin to play with her wand anxiously as the cat approached.
Slowly but surely, Mrs. Norris was drawn inexorably from the shadows, intrigued by the steadily creeping water. She seemed to sense that someone was nearby but couldn't make out the four perpetrators from her position across the hall.
Finally, arching her back and fur standing on end, the cat began to pick her way across the puddle, seeming intent on reaching the other side as quickly as possible.
"Hermione," Ron whispered, "do it now!"
After a moment's hesitation, and a pleading look from Ron, Hermione pointed her wand at Mrs. Norris,
"Immobulus," she muttered and watched as a brief flash of light erupted from one end of her wand and struck the unsuspecting cat. Mrs. Norris seemed to tense up and teeter uncertainly before tipping unceremoniously onto her side in the middle of the puddle.
Ron, Harry, and Ginny all burst into a fit of giggling while Hermione looked fairly repulsed by what she'd just done.
"I'm leaving," she muttered, quickly turning away in an attempt to flee the scene before her friends could say anything.
Ron's hand shot out, grabbing her wrist firmly, "just wait," he smiled, "the best is yet to come."
And sure enough, Hermione could hear Filch's labored breathing and halting steps coming closer and closer.
As he rounded the corner, they heard him stop abruptly and a strangled cry escaped his lips as he surveyed the scene in front of him. He immediately knelt beside Mrs. Norris and began gently poking and prodding her with his fingers.
After a few moment's inspection, his face darkened as he spotted the water seeping from under the bathroom door. His eyes gleaming, he drew himself up as if preparing for battle and Harry could have sworn he heard him say, "I'll avenge you Mrs. Norris!" as he splashed through the puddle and burst through the door.
Almost immediately a loud wailing came from inside as Filch had obviously disturbed Moaning Myrtle, the bathroom's resident ghost. A shouting match ensued, punctuated by Filch's angry cries and Myrtle's confused and affronted sobs—it seemed Filch had managed to imply that Myrtle had killed Mrs. Norris because she was lonely and wanted another companion.
And, just when Hermione was beginning to think that this whole pranking business wasn't exactly all that it was cracked up to be, the voices suddenly stopped and the distinctive sound of rushing water could be heard.
"Ron…," she trailed off uncertainly.
"So you remember those things we stuffed down the toilets to clog them?" he asked.
"Well," Ginny cut in, grinning impishly, "they were from Fred and George's shop and about half of them were full of dung bombs…"
"And the other half?" Hermione asked worriedly.
"Stink sap," Ginny finished happily. "And so, when the pressure in the pipes builds up…"
"They explode," Harry finished, flashing Ginny a smile before turning to look at Hermione.
Hermione looked flabbergasted, "And you approve of this?" she gasped, "I mean I can understand why the two Weasleys find it funny, but you too?"
Harry shrugged, trying to quell the slightly guilty feeling that was threatening to bubble up inside of him, "I guess Ginny is rubbing off on me."
Hermione looked about to protest when the rumbling finally reached its crescendo and the previously closed door of Myrtle's bathroom burst open, a torrent of sticky, stinking liquid bursting into the hallway, dragging a clearly startled Filch and a still-Immobulused Mrs. Norris along with it.
"So that's where Fred and George got their idea for the portable swamp," Ron muttered. "I always wondered how they came up with that."
"Ron," Ginny hissed, "focus. Hermione, the spell!"
And with a mumbled incantation and another brief flash of light, the entire watery, stinking mess turned into a glistening sheet of ice with Mrs. Norris, her feet sticking straight up in the air, frozen in the middle.
The ice didn't hold a clearly beaten Filch for long as he easily broke the thin layer that had formed around his jacket, his eyes unsteadily roving the corridors for the miscreants.
Placing one hand shakily on the slippery surface, he attempted to lever himself up and out of the now frozen "swamp." But all it took was one tremulous step before his leg slipped and he fell unceremoniously to the ground, sliding slowly toward Mrs. Norris' incapacitated form.
Cursing the unseen troublemakers with such vigor that Ron reached over and tried—unsuccessfully—to cover Ginny's ears, Filch attempted once more to right himself, this time failing all the more spectacularly as he crashed to the ground again.
Stifling the gales of laughter that threatened to overtake them, the four retreated down the hallway, quickly ducking into the first empty classroom they could find.
Once they were safely inside and Hermione had cast a quick muffliato on the doorway, they finally released their pent up energy and adrenaline in a highly amusing reenactment of Filch's unfortunate accident.
"So you see," Ron almost shouted as he stood, gesturing animatedly, "before we even went out tonight, Harry and I snuck out and placed the dung bombs and stink sap in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom…"
"But how did you get by Moaning Myrtle?" Ginny interrupted.
"Oh, that was easy," Ron laughed, "I just threw one of the dung bombs at her and she went off, screeching something horrid. Frankly, I was just happy she buggered off before she could see what we were really up to….Anyway," Ron began again, failing to notice that Hermione was still smiling and had not said a word about his treatment of Moaning Myrtle, "after we set the bombs, we came back up to the common room and got you two…"
And so, they each took turns telling a certain part of the story, Hermione blushing slightly when Ron praised her freezing charm, and Ginny giving a rather spirited reenactment of Filch stumbling and falling multiple times on the ice.
"So," Hermione said, wiping a few tears from her eyes after they all had finished, "what are we going to do to Snape?"
Almost immediately the room descended into stunned silence and three pairs of eyes fixed her with disbelieving stares.
Finally Harry cracked a smile, "Did I hear that right?" he teased. "Did Hermione Granger just suggest pranking a teacher?"
"Well wasn't that our goal in the first place?" Hermione countered a bit defensively, her face growing hot.
"Of course," Ginny sniffed, "we just weren't sure if you were up to it—Filch was merely the test."
"And…?" Hermione trailed off, raising an eyebrow questioningly.
"You passed with flying colors," Ron grinned, pulling out Harry's Marauder's Map. "Now, let's see what our beloved potions professor is up to at this hour of the evening…."
"Is everything ready?" Harry hissed as Ron skidded around the corner and into the empty classroom that had become their base of operations.
Ron gave Harry a withering look, "Of course it is; I just hope the twins' new invention works."
"They said they tested it, didn't they?" Hermione whispered.
Ginny rolled her eyes, "Fred and George's definition of testing often leaves a lot to be desired, but I'm pretty confident this one will work just fine. After all, I did the bat-bogey hex myself."
Harry smiled Ginny's comment, remembering back to a conversation the two of them had had a few weeks earlier where Ginny had animatedly described how she was helping the twins design a spider web that could be strung between door posts or light fixtures. Apparently the web was enchanted so that when someone walked into it, they were affected by the bat-bogey hex, while the perpetrator could simply watch from the sidelines, safe from any scrutiny.
"Won't he just be able to remove the hex with his wand?" Hermione asked, looking a bit worried now that the plan had actually been put into action.
"Nope," Ginny smiled, "that's the genius behind the twin's invention. The only way to remove it is by re-casting the hex on yourself—it reverses the effects and turns you back to normal."
"I suppose that is pretty smart…" Hermione conceded.
"Anyway," Ron interrupted, "do you have your cloak Harry?"
"Of course," he responded, pulling the familiar, slightly worn invisibility cloak out from under his robes.
"Good, because we're all going to have to huddle close together—the cloak is barely big enough to cover the three of us and now we've got Ginny," Ron sighed.
"And?!" she scowled.
Before Ron could come up with an adequate retort, Harry leaned over and placed a gentle kiss at the base of Ginny's ear and whispered quietly, "and I'm so very glad that I do."
Ron rolled his eyes as he watched a slight blush enter his sister's cheeks—there was only so much he could take before he felt like he wanted to wretch.
"As I was saying," he cleared his throat loudly, ignoring the look of irritation that flashed across his sister's face, "we're going to have to be extra careful. Because of the darkness, we shouldn't have to worry about Snape seeing our shoes, but if he somehow spots us, we're not going to be able to maneuver well under this cloak."
"So basically our only hope if Snape hears us is to run?" Hermione asked, twirling her long curls nervously.
"Yep," Ron nodded, "run like hell. Now," he said, suddenly standing up, "let's go get into position. Snape is bound to patrol this corridor soon."
And so, under the shroud of the invisibility cloak, the four miscreants hustled from the deserted classroom and up to the second floor hallway where Ron had strung the web.
Sure enough, about five minutes later, Harry was able to spot a soft light bobbing slowly toward them in the darkness, eerie shadows seeming to dance madly on the old stone walls. As the light approached, Harry was able to make out the long, hooked nose and oily black hair of Professor Snape as he held his wand aloft, a soft glow emanating from its tip.
Briefly, the light caught the thin strands of fiber that Ron had stretched across the hall and Harry's breath caught in his throat as Snape seemed to pause mid-stride.
Finally he started walking again, apparently convinced that nothing was amiss. He took a few more steps, his shoes clicking softly against the stone floors.
As he approached the webbing, Harry felt Hermione tense up beside him, hissing quietly.
"Come on…" Ron whispered.
And suddenly, from the quiet stillness only brought about by the dead of night, there came a strangled cry and a muttered curse that, had they all not been there to witness, they would never have believed had come from Snape's own mouth.
Apparently, he had caught Fred and George's web smack in the middle of his face and, despite his best efforts to wipe it off, it was stuck tight. Almost instantly, Ginny's hex cut in, transforming the potion master's lined and sallow face into a writhing mass of small black bats.
Immediately, Snape's wand was in his hand as he tried to find the counter-spell to the bat-bogey hex. Unfortunately for him, the swirling mass of bats on his face obscured his voice and consequently he almost blasted his face off with a few curses before he had sense enough to stop.
Meanwhile, Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione were doing a very poor job concealing their laughter; the sound of Snape's cursing the only thing keeping them from being discovered. Their desire to remain anonymous clashed with the obvious delight of seeing their enemy in such extreme discomfort, and so they allowed him to get much closer to their hiding spot than they would have liked.
Finally sensing the danger, the group tried to retreat, but they had only taken a few steps when Ron stumbled over Hermione's feet, throwing the invisibility cloak off and leaving the four of them in a rather conspicuous heap on the floor.
For a second, nobody moved. Even Snape had stopped, seeming to realize that something was amiss.
Finally, Ginny brought them all to their senses.
"Run!" she yelled.
And with that, the four of them tore down the long, winding hallways in an effort to escape what they assumed would be an enraged professor. Fueled by adrenaline—and a touch of fear—the four miscreants scrambled up stairwell after stairwell, prompting indignant shouts and groggy protests from the many portraits that hung on the walls.
Ron, Ginny, and Harry, due to their Quidditch training, were very quick and had stamina brought about by long hours of training on the pitch. Hermione, while not out of shape, had trouble keeping up, and after climbing to fifth floor, she began to drop farther and farther behind the other three. She tried calling out, but to no avail, they were already out of sight.
Finally reaching the common room, Harry and Ginny dropped onto one of the couches, breathing heavily, while Ron managed to stumble exhausted into one of Gryffindor Tower's many plush armchairs.
When their breathing slowly began to return to normal, they each glanced up, meeting each other's eyes as they silently replayed the night's events in their heads. Almost on cue, they all burst out laughing once more.
After some time, they quieted, and Ron, seeming to notice that they were missing someone, looked up with a start.
"Where's Hermione?" He asked.
"She was right behind Ginny," Harry frowned, "she couldn't have gotten lost."
"What if Snape caught her?" Ginny chimed in, looking slightly horrified.
"No, he couldn't have!" Ron exclaimed, trying to sound more confident then he felt, "after all, it didn't look like he was going to figure out how to rid himself of those bats anytime soon. I'm sure she just stopped to use the loo or something like that."
"Stopped to use the loo!?" came a very familiar voice from the portrait hole behind the three. "Is that what you think I did!? Of all the…Ronald Weasley come back here! I'm not through with you yet!"
Sighing, Ron had the presence of mind to look a bit sheepish as he returned to the common room, wishing he had managed to escape up the dormitory stairwell before Hermione had finished her rant.
"So what did happen?" Ginny asked cautiously, trying to diffuse the growing tension in the room.
"Well," Hermione began, still scowling at Ron, "since I don't happen to be a Quidditch player like you three, and since I don't happen to have the pranking experience of you Weasleys; I got left behind."
"But all we did was run," Ron protested, "it's not like there was anything to figure out…"
"Have you ever thought about how fast you run?" Hermione growled, her hands defiantly crossed over her chest. "What makes you think I could keep up? It's not like I have had to run away from my six other siblings for my entire life."
"Well, you're here now, aren't you?" Ron snorted.
"Yes, I am, but no thanks to you," Hermione snapped. "I just happened to run into a very unhappy Professor Snape when I reached the sixth floor."
"You what!?" Ron shouted.
"Yes, apparently he managed to figure a way out of your bat-bogey hex," Hermione finished, glaring at Ginny.
Before the red-haired witch could come up with an adequate retort, Harry cut in,
"Well what did you tell him? He didn't just let you go, did he?"
"Of course not!" Hermione cried, "I've got detention all next week cleaning cauldrons in his classroom!"
"That's it?" Ron asked, sounding a bit surprised, "I figured he'd have given any of us detention for the rest of our lives if he'd caught us out after hours—even if he didn't know we actually pulled that last stunt."
"And I would be if it hadn't been for some quick thinking on my part!" Hermione snapped. "Now, if you'll all excuse me, I think you've done enough this evening—ruining my perfect record after all these years!"
And with that, Hermione stalked across the room, intending to go straight to bed. But she had barely taken a step up the stairwell when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"What?" she snapped, wheeling around to see Ron standing behind her.
"But what did you tell him?" he implored, "we need to know so that we can use it next time!"
Inexplicably, Hermione suddenly became more interested in staring at her trainers than meeting Ron's eyes.
"Hermione?" Ron pressed, not seeing Ginny walk up behind the pair.
"He didn't believe me when I told him I was simply going to the library to find another book, so I made something up…" she trailed off.
"You lied to him!" Ron exclaimed incredulously., "What did you tell him?"
Still staring at the ground, Hermione mumbled,
"I told him I wassnoggingmyboyfriend."
"You what!?"
Hermione looked up at him, her eyes searching for an escape,
"I told him I was snogging my boyfriend," she mumbled, a blush suddenly gracing her cheeks.
"Snogging your…." Ron mumbled, turning the words over slowly in his head, "but you don't have a boyfriend," he frowned worriedly, "do you!? I mean, you couldn't…who would want to date you?"
"Oh Ronald Weasley!" Hermione exclaimed, her eyes flashing dangerously as she leaned forward, her nose inches from his, "you are the densest, stupidest, most insensitive prat to ever walk this Earth! Sometimes I'm not even sure why I put up with you!"
"You know what!?" Ron retaliated, words leaving his mouth in a rush, as his face grew increasingly red, "Sometimes I wish you wouldn't act like you know everything! I wish you would just get your nose out of your books and look at what's in front of you! I don't…"
Sighing, Ginny rolled her eyes. When would they ever learn? Throwing a wink at Harry, she did the one thing she had been waiting to do all night; she reached out and simply gave her two friend's heads a friendly push in the right direction…
Yes that was rather silly but I still hope you liked it. Thanks for reading and please review and let me know what you think!