AN: Hi, party people, and welcome to my perverted mind! (Well, at least according to my friends its preverted. It's a complete mystery to me.) As you can see, this is my first one shot, so I hope that everyone likes it. And by the way, make sure to review! Oh! And also, I got this idea mainly from a one shot about a unicorn, I know, big difference, but same concept. I didn't want anyone trying to sue me or something. Sorry, for rambling, I tend to do that, and read! I'm sure you'll enjoy ;)

I looked at the huge mass in front of me, not even able to barely comprehend its size; how was it going to fit?

"It's so big, Edward!" I exclaimed, looking at it again, not able to take my eyes off of it.

"I know," he said with a smirk, "you ready, baby?" he asked me, getting into position. I nodded, bracing myself for the intrusion.

He pushed with all his might, but it didn't seem like it was built for this sort of thing.

"Why isn't it getting anywhere!" I cried in distress, "maybe my walls aren't wet enough…" I added as an afterthought.

"Nonsense, it's dripping like a full turned faucet!" he said with a scoff, but grunting with exertion. "Okay, new plan, you pull, and I'll push."

I nodded in agreement, and miracle of all miracles, it finally fit. I cried in elation when it finally fit, entering without problem.

"Ready to ride, Bella?" Edward said in my ear in a suggestive tone, pulling me up so I was on top of it. I nodded eagerly, enjoying doing anything with Edward right now like this.

So, that's what we did. We rode and rode for what felt like hours, with Edward grunting in my ear from the effort when he had to keep us on when we went over a really high peak.

We did all sorts of things; sometimes it was me on top, sometimes Edward, but most of the time I kept my back to Edward with his hands around my waist.

Finally, we got off completely, both of us completely blissed out, with sweat sheening our skin, and fell back onto our pillows after the long day.

"Wow," I saw Edward mouth, with him still trying to even out his breathing.

"You, know, before we bought it, we probably should have thought that it wouldn't fit through the door, because now, I'm going to have to buy more vegetable oil and butter." I pouted; that stuff was extremely expensive, and now I'll just have to use those non-stick pans we got once since they were on sale, although I never even took them out of the box. "Not to mention the mess we made with with it around the door!"

"Well, Bella, what did you expect when trying to get an elephant of the room?" he said, looking over at me amusedly.

"I just thought we could ignore it." I shrugged nonchalantly, not really caring. "If it works for married couples, I just assumed it would work for the real thing."

And that, my friends, is the story of how to get an elephant of room, but you may as well just ignore and make it part of the furniture, unless you like being flirted with by the bag boy in Publix when buying more butter.

So, what did you think? You all must have seen that coming, because the title and all, but I still hope you like it. Please send reviews! ESPECIALLY criticism. I like honest opinions, but nice ones are good too. Thanks for reading! :)