This is my first attempt at a 'Skins' fic. I chose Cook and Effy because they're Cook and Effy and it really is always going to be them. They will be endgame in the movie. They have to be.
Be constructive, not harsh. I have absolutely no idea how to write Cook or Effy, really, so I just decided to wing it. I wrote this about a month ago, but I forgot to post it. So, here it is.
It's been two years; two years since he lost his best friend, and two years since he lost her.
He's different now. He's not 'Cook' anymore... well, he's still 'Cook' because he fights a lot, but not as much, so he's 'James', too, because James thinks things through and recognizes when he's wrong and knows when to walk away. 'Cook' knows what the right thing is, he just doesn't care; he never has, probably never will, which is why he's trying so hard to not be 'Cook' anymore. He's trying for him, even though he's gone, and for her, even though he never owned her heart the way that she used to own his, and thing is, she still does, and 'Cook' hates that because he's not supposed to need anybody because everyone leaves and nothing good ever stays with him. Not him, not her. Nobody.
James knows that's not true, though. JJ cares. JJ has always cared, and he hasn't always deserved someone who cares that much. He doesn't think he's ever deserved someone who cares that much, but, for whatever reason, JJ does, and James tries not to question it, because he's thankful for it and he doesn't have much to be thankful for, so he knows when to leave well enough alone.
James Cook wants to be James all of the time, but he's spent too much of his life being 'Cook', and not enough of it being 'Jimmy' or 'James', and he isn't sure he knows how to be anyone other than 'Cook.'
But then he thinks that maybe he can be both. Only, he isn't sure he knows how because he doesn't think he can do it without her or without him, and he thinks maybe JJ can help, but JJ's just one person and he has a life now and Cook spent too much of his life leaning on JJ and hurting JJ and screwing JJ up and he owes him so much, so the least he can do is let him be.
He won't lean on JJ. He won't lean on anyone, because he's still Cook and he doesn't know how to be anyone else without her.
She's so lonely. She thinks maybe she's always been lonely, but not like this.
She keeps telling herself that it's been two years. Two years should make everything better, make all the emotional scars disappear, but it doesn't. It hasn't. It never will.
She knows what she needs, what she wants. She knows who could make it all better, and it's not the guy she's been fucking, and it's not her mom, and it's not even her brother. The one thing that will make her better, or could possibly make her better, is the one thing she can never have because she's not good for him and he's not good for her.
They never were good for each other, so she told herself to love him, and she did love him, but she always loved his best friend more, but she never admitted it, because they were, and probably still are, all wrong for each other.
He made sense. He was stable. Or at least, he was supposed to be, but he's gone now, and he's been gone, and he's never coming back and she knows that now. She's known that for two years, and she doesn't know when she accepted it, but she did, and she's glad because she was afraid she was going to spend the rest of her life feeling guilty because she knows she never loved him enough and he lost his life because of her.
He doesn't know why he's here, why he came back. He left for a reason. There were too many memories. Some good, most painful.
He thinks maybe he came back to find her, but he knows it's ridiculous because she's long gone by now, and even if she isn't long gone by now, she won't want to see him because he'll probably remind her of everything she wants to forget, and he doesn't think he can take it if he hurts her again because she's been hurt enough and she deserves so much better than that because she's better than that. She's better than him, and she's better than he was even though he loved her with everything he had. She's just better, and he can't let himself screw that up. Won't let himself screw that up.
That's why, the second he spots her standing in the middle of the empty street, he starts to turn because he knows running is the smart thing to do, but then she calls his name and at first, he thinks he's hearing things, but she calls it again and he knows he's not, and so, he turns and looks at her and starts to wonder why he even thinks about running away because she's there, and she's alive, and she hasn't been there for two years and he misses her and he still loves her and he doesn't know how to run away like he did before because that isn't what he wants. It never was.
When she sees him, she thinks maybe she's seeing things, seeing something that she wants so desperately to see, but then she looks again and realizes that he's there, and he hasn't been there for two years and she thinks maybe the best thing is to let him be, but then she realizes that's not what she wants because all she's wanted since he's left is for him to be there, and now he is.
She calls his name because she doesn't want him to leave, and when he turns to do just that, she swears her heart breaks like it did all those years ago and she's through with telling people that nobody breaks her heart because he broke it when he was murdered because of her and he breaks it every time he goes and she just doesn't want him to go anymore.
But then he's turning around and walking towards her and she doesn't know if it's real or not, but she wants it to be and she thinks maybe it is because she knows when she's dreaming and this doesn't feel like a dream. Not her dreams, anyway, because her dreams are nightmares and seeing him again isn't a nightmare.
He walks, and he keeps walking until he's close to her, and once he's close, he stops and just stares.
He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't get tongue tied, but she looks good, really good, and he'd never been in love before he met her, either, so he thinks if anyone can make him tongue tied, it's her.
He looks good. Really good. Still fit, she notices. More so than before, actually, and she just wants to reach out and touch him and never stop, but she can't move, so she just does what he's doing and stands and stares.
One of them needs to break the silence. She knows it's not going to be her, and she's not surprised when it's him.
"Hey, Princess," is the first thing he says, and she smiles because he's the only one who's ever called her that and he hasn't for two years because he hasn't been around, and it suddenly hits her that she's wasting time by just standing there, so she closes the gap between them and finds herself never wanting to let him go ever again.
He's not used to this kind of affection from girls, but she's not just some girl. She's Effy, his princess, his peachy, his 'Eff', the girl he loves, and he's not ashamed to admit that he'd be content to just stay like this forever, because if he's holding her forever, she'll never leave.
He has to let her go eventually, though, and he knows that, so he tries, but she just holds him tighter and he doesn't mind because like he said, he could hold her forever.
"I've missed you," he hears her whisper so softly that he's not even sure he hears her right, but she whispers it again and he knows he has. "You're my friend. You always were."
Her words sting. He doesn't think she knows it, but they do. They sting just like they did when she spoke almost the same thing two years ago, and he thinks maybe that's what makes him realize it's now or never. He has to tell her how he feels because if he doesn't, it's going to eat away at him for the rest of his life and neither James nor Cook can handle that.
So, he pulls away from her and he stares into her eyes so intensely that he doesn't think she can look away even if she wants to.
She wants to look away from him when he stares into her eyes, but they know she can't, and she wouldn't even if she could.
She thinks she knows where this is headed, what he's about to say, and she's not sure she wants to hear it, though the rational part of her knows that's not true. She wants to hear it. She's wanted to hear it for two years now, and she knows he couldn't have told her the first year, but what about the second year? He could have came after her and he never did, and she knows why he didn't, she does, but that doesn't mean it hurt any less; that doesn't mean she didn't spend most of her time crying over the boy she thought she'd never see again.
"I fucking love you, Princess. I wanted to tell you two years ago, but I couldn't because I had to go to prison for a year and I wasn't going to escape and fuck that up because then I really never would have saw you again, and I wanted to tell you when I got out, but I couldn't because I felt so guilty because Freds loved you," he doesn't miss the way she cringes, nor does he miss the way he does, too, because that's the first time he's spoken Freddie's name in two years and he still misses him because Freds was his boy and he's gone, and he feels a little guilty for telling her that he loves her because of how much Freds loved her, but he loved her so much that Cook knows all his best friend would want is for the girl he loved to be happy. He just hopes that if she lets him, he can make her happy. "But he loved you so much that I know he wouldn't be angry if you maybe, possibly felt the same way."
She starts crying after he's done speaking and he doesn't know what to do other than hug her, but she doesn't let him and he thinks maybe he fucked it up again by not keeping his mouth shut about how he feels. And he knows if she tells him to 'piss off' like she did two years ago, it's likely to kill him, so he really hopes she doesn't because he doesn't want to live without her anymore.
She starts crying because everything he said is too much and she doesn't know how to deal with it, but she hasn't felt this alive since he was killed and he left, and she knows that means something because love makes people feel alive and she knows she loves him, but she's afraid to tell him because that insecure girl that destroys everything she touches, and everything she loves that loves her back, is still inside of her. But, there's also that girl that isn't afraid anymore. The girl that's stronger because she's had two years to fix herself, and though she'll never be completely fixed, she thinks maybe she's ready to give love a shot again because she knows if she doesn't, she'll lose him forever for real this time, and she knows she won't survive that.
So, she kisses him. She kisses him with everything she has, and he responds instantly because he never hesitates, and she thinks this is better than all those times before because this is real and this is good and they're fighting for something together for the first time since they've met and that's each other.
When she kisses him, he doesn't hesitate, because that's not his thing, and when she pulls away to say that she fucking loves him, too, he just kisses her again because that's what he does and, for some reason, this amazing girl loves him and doesn't want to change him (too much) and he doesn't want to change her, either, and that's good.
They may be all wrong for each other, but he's Cook and she's Effy, and they're always going to be Cook and Effy, and he thinks maybe that's not such a bad thing.
It's you and me, babe. It's always going to be you and me. It's always you and me.
She thinks he was right that day. They're Cook and Effy, and it's always going to be them.