A Butterfly's Fluttering Wings
"Welcome to the Coffee Bean's open mic night!" The owner of the small coffee store in New York said over the microphone on the stage where the house band usually played.
I was nervous, my palms were shaking and I clutched my notebook in my hand. I had never done anything like this before, but here I was now, ready to show my heart to the world in one measly poem, written on one sheet of paper with coffee stains covering it. I needed to do this, to see if it would maybe help, to see if baring my heart for him to see would somehow change his mind.
"Tonight we have some people singing, and we have some people reading some poetry. So without further ado, let's get started, first up we have someone singing." The man said and a small girl with a big guitar walked up on stage, sat on the stool and started to play.
I was starting to shake more and more as more of the performers went. Before I knew it, I was next. I tried to get the sweat off my hands by rubbing them on my jeans, but it didn't work very well.
"Are you ready for this Cait?" My best friend Mitchie asked me. She had left her boyfriend sitting at the table with my ex, his new love, and their cousin.
"No. This poem is like barring my soul." I replied shakily and nervously as I clutched to the paper even tighter.
"Cait, you will be fine, every time you dance you bare your soul, just act like he isn't in the room, and you'll be fine." Mitchie said reassuringly as she looked into my eyes. Her eyes had so much understanding and reassurance that I had to trust her.
"Next up, reciting an original poem, we have Miss Caitlyn Gellar." The announcer said.
"Good luck Cait." Mitchie said as she gave me a small hug, a reassuring smile, and pushed up onto the stage.
Once on the stage I looked around at everyone sitting there. Mitchie had gone back and was sitting next to Shane, his arm wrapped around her's protectively, he had told me earlier that he was planning on final proposing tonight. On the other side of Shane was Jason. He had his usual goofy smile on his face, and the usual was more comforting than usually tonight. Next to Jason was her. Dana, the girl who had replaced me in Nate's eyes. Nate used to give me the looks that he gave Dana everyday, I missed that and I was so envious of her. My eyes finally went to Nate, and I saw him looking up at me, waiting for me to start. Without any further ado, I began, I could only think, I might as well get this over with.
"I watched alone,
As all the plans we had for us,
Burned to ash and turned to dust.
It was my fault,
I know that,
Don't try to convince me otherwise,
Because I won't listen.
I let you get to know the real me,
And then I took her away,
When we got too close.
I stopped letting you in,
Stopped letting you comfort me,
Stopped letting you be there fore me.
I just stopped you,
and you let me,
Because you didn't realize anything was wrong,
or different.
I miss those long chats,
During Christmas time,
Where we talked about everything under the sun,
Even though I had no service,
And your phone was dying,
We let nothing stop us...
Remember those days?
We planned treks on camels,
Across hot deserts;
Never dying,
As to not leave the other heartbroken;
Going shopping together,
Where you'd put up with my crazy shopping tactics.
But none of those things,
And the many more that we planned,
Ever happened.
Because I got scared,
And confused,
Now you're back,
And I'm more confused than ever.
I thought I didn't like you anymore,
But when I saw you over the summer,
I swear to God my heart beat sparked,
But it was too late,
As it is now,
For me to fix my mistake.
It tends to happen quite a bit to me,
I could have my usual blind hope,
But it is useless now.
You're busy falling in love,
With you're beautiful new girlfriend,
and I'm left,
questioning my decisions.
And wondering if,
I made the right choice,
or the biggest mistake of my life so far."
The whole time I had said the poem I had looked directly into Nate's eyes, if he had any mistake of who this poem was about, he needed to get some things in his brain checked. Everyone was applauding me as I headed off the stage, I had caught Nate's eye before I had, his face was pure of shock. In looking at Nate for that brave moment, I had saw Dana, she was laughing at me. I knew that she was laughing at me because she was looking straight at me, and she made sure to catch my eye before she started to laugh.
Once I had seen that, I ran to the bathroom. I knew that Mitchie would come after me. I could feel tears coming down my cheeks. I had barred my heart and soul for the world to see, and someone had waited until I looked at them and laughed. If it would've been anyone else but her I might have been okay, but it wasn't. It was her that had laughed.
Minutes later, or maybe seconds, it felt like minutes, Mitchie walked in. Without asking any questions she pulled me into a huge hug and just let me cry.
"It'll all be okay Caity. You'll see." She said as I looked up at her after crying for a good deal of time. She wiped away my mascara that was streaming down my cheeks. "Come on Cait, you'll happy to go back there." She added as she made my make-up look presentable.
I didn't want to leave this bathroom for the rest of my life, but I left anyway and went and sat down at the table next to Jason. Dana and Nate were both gone, which made me feel better. The hug that Shane gave me, and the reassuring hand squeeze from Jason made me feel better as well. If this was any other day, I would've asked where Dana and Nate had gone, but right now I didn't give a crap.
"Now we have a late sign up, Mr. Nate Gray." The owner said.
At the sound of that my body tensed up. I tried to get up and leave, but one look from Mitchie giving me a 'don't you dare move' stare stopped me right in my tracks. I tried to look down at the cup of coffee that Mitchie had gotten me, but once he stared to talk I couldn't look down at it, I had to look at him.
"Hey, this is a poem that I just came up with, and it will probably end up being a Connect 3 song sometime soon. It's about this girl, that I let leave, and how she makes me feel. Well here it is." Nate said. He then paused for a moment and started to recite his poem, verbatim.
"Heartbeats,
Like an old fashioned love song,
Turn to drum beats,
Like in a newfangled rock song.
Bring erratic beats,
Like a butterfly's fluttering wings.
Heartbeats are supposed to stay the same,
But around you,
My heart refuses.
My heart wants,
Those heartbeats,
like an old fashioned love song,
Those drum beats,
of a newfangled rock song,
Those erratic beats,
like a butterfly's fluttering wings.
Melodies,
Changing to symphonies,
With beautiful harmonies,
Lead by the heartbeats,
of an old fashioned love song,
Turning into,
the drum beats,
of a newfangled rock song,
Becoming,
those erratic beats,
of a butterfly's fluttering wings.
That's how my heart feels,
When I'm around you.
It just can't sit still,
It can't make an even beat,
It has to be erratic,
Unpredictable,
and Unexpected.
I can't control it,
It can't control itself,
The beats,
just want peace,
but instead they do something else...
Going from slow to fast,
Changing into the base line,
Of an old fashioned love song,
They start to sound like,
the drum beats,
that make up a newfangled rock song,
Changing,
into the erratic beats,
that sound like,
a butterfly's fluttering wings.
All because of you,
You make my heartbeats,
turn strange,
and now,
slightly poetic.
I wish you didn't."
When Nate finished everyone applauded, I had looked at him the whole time, and he had only looked at me. There was no way that it could be. He was with Dana, he was in love with her, this spring of the moment poem could not be about me, there was no way.
Nate slowly made his way off the stage and back to the table. He sat down right next to me and acted like nothing had changed. But I had a feeling something had.
"So she's not coming back?" Shane asked he cousin curiously.
"No, she's never coming back." Nate replied, he looked at me and smiled.
"What?" I asked confused.
Nate looked at me, he looked in my eyes his brown eyes, melting my hazel eyes, it was times like these that I regretted my mistake of being afraid even more.
"Dana, she's not coming back. I just broke up with her." Nate began with a soft smile. "No one laughs at my best friend's poem." He finished and went back to his coffee.
I smiled back at him softly before returning to the conversation at hand, something about birds I think, Jason had started it. But I wasn't paying attention to that. I was paying attention the smiles on my face and on Nate's, and the feeling that I got when his hand lightly crazed mine before holding it under the table. Something had changed back to how it once was, and I was so happy that my heartbeat changed to that of a butterfly's fluttering wings.