"Hey partner, whatcha doin'?" she said as she strolled though his door.
"Hey, whoa, hey. Ever heard of knocking Fern? I could have been in a compromising position, ya know." he said as he quickly he stuffed the papers back into his dresser drawer.
"I didn't see a tie on the door knob, door knob." She tossed back, obviously proud of her little jab.
"A tie...when have you ever seen me wear a tie?"
He was starting to regret his suggestion to share an adjoining room with her in Prague. As usual he had just been trying to push her buttons, but she'd completely missed the goofy smile and mischievous look in his eyes. She'd agreed without a second thought, which he found unusual for her. She'd seemed out of sorts for a while now, inattentive was the best word he could come up with. Sometimes he has to repeat her name before she hears him calling to her. Or when they're at their desks, he'll sneak a look at her. At first glance, it looks like she's doing paperwork, but he realizes she's just staring off into space. If it had been anyone else, he probably wouldn't have noticed, but she's Agent Kensi Blye, always alert. In the past she would have thrown something at him without even looking up.
He tries to remember when he'd noticed these slight changes. Maybe it was just the stress of not knowing where Hetty was or maybe she's still a little gun shy from the kidnapping. During the case with Ray, he'd felt some distance growing between them, but by the end things seemed like they'd gone back to normal. He knew something was definitely bothering her and he hoped eventually she'd give herself a little reprieve and talk to him. But for now he knows it's best not to play a game of 20 questions.
Realizing his momentary reflection was causing a quizzical look on his partners face, he quickly recovered asking, "How's Callen doing?"
"Sam said he's just been quiet since the beach. Sam invited us to dinner, but I told him we would give them some time alone. So...speaking of dinner, you wanna go grab a bite to eat?"
"With you? Hmm, let me think about it." Looking up, scratching his chin, he pretended to have to really consider her offer. "I guess you could keep me company, but we should go somewhere public so you don't try to take advantage of me."
She swats at him and he barely dodges her strike by taking a step back. "We've had this conversation a million times and the outcome ends up with you crying. Do you really want to relive it all over again?"
"For you princess, I would do anything." he says bowing before her as if she was royalty. "How's about we just order in room service and watch some Czech TV. I bet their Wheel of Fortune is a bitch."
He cannot remember one time in his entire life that he's eaten such fantastic comfort food. It went perfectly with the cool rainy weather, the light buzz from the local rum and his lovely partner who's been giggling nonstop for the last 3 minutes. He keeps trying to get the joke, but every time she tries to catch her breath, she looks at his puzzled face and starts laughing all over again.
"I am going to step out to the little boy's room with the hope you will have regained your sanity by the time I return." His face is serious, one eyebrow raised, as he makes the I'm-watching-you signal and turns on his heel. He can't help but crack a smile as he hears her start laughing even harder.
Walking back into the room drying his hands on his jeans, he expects her to ask him if he knew the towels in the bathrooms were for grownups. Instead, he realizes the mood has changed and not for the better. She is on the other side of the room with her back turned to him; he can see the tension in her stance.
"Kens?" He asks with a tentative voice, taking a step towards her.
Without turning towards him she asks, "Did this ever mean anything to you?" As the words leave her mouth, he thinks her shoulders sink a little.
"What are you talking about? Did, what, ever mean anything to me?"
"Our partnership", she said almost spitting out the words. Finally she faces him and he sees his papers in her hands. The papers Hetty had handed him just before she slipped away. The papers that have been keeping him awake every night since. "This is an offer to become an NCIS agent. How long have you had it and why haven't you accepted it yet? Don't you want to be part of the team?"
He'd never heard her sound like this. Her words were rushing out so fast and the pitch was higher. He thought she sounded almost panicked. "Kensi, it, isn't like that."
"Then what is it like, Deeks? Just waiting until something better comes along? Is this just another cover for you? Playing house with NCIS?" She swiped at a stray tear and stormed out of the room. The adjourning door crashes into the frame behind her, dead bolt being trust into place.
"What the hell just happened?" He thought out loud.
He knew he needed to talk to her, but he couldn't even explain to himself why he hadn't jumped at the chance to become an agent. When he told Hetty he was flattered that she'd offered him a position at NCIS, what he'd really meant was honored. Overwhelmingly honored, and maybe terrified. It was an immense commitment, but after hearing himself say being a cop was who he was, he realized how foreign it sounded coming from his lips. Like he'd just made it up in an instant to dodge the gravity of what he held in his hands. For the last few months he'd felt like part of a team, he'd felt necessary. His entire life had been spent either alone or in the company of people he'd rather not even know existed. He'd always blown it off as part of the job, a job he was very very good at. Now the one thing he never knew he'd been searching for seemed to be as simple as a signature.
He took a few deep breaths to try and calm himself and went into the washroom to splash some cold water on his face. Moments later he heard her outside door slam closed. He quickly dried his face and grabbed for his jacket. Running out into the hotel hallway she'd already disappeared from view. He ran to the stairs knowing she wouldn't wait for the elevator. Reaching the lobby, he went to the small front desk. Struggling to catch his breath, he asked the woman. "Did you see what direction the tall brunette went?" When she shrugged her shoulders he assumed she couldn't understand him. He left her there staring at him like he was a crazed lunatic. He could feel his anxiety growing as he stepped out into the cold rain. It took him by surprise and his breath was cut short. "Where the hell are you Kensi?" he whispered to no one but himself. He knew there would be no answer. He also knew that standing around waiting for one wasn't going to change that.
He headed east which would take him farther into the city's downtown. He tried calling her cell but it only rang twice before going to voicemail. He knew she must be really pissed off if she was purposely ignoring his calls. Due to the rain there were very few people on the road. He stopped in at a little shop with its door open hoping maybe they'd seen her walk by, but again he was met with looks of confusion. He made a mental note to learn to speak Czech, scratch that, buy an English to Czech dictionary.
As he walked through the rain searching for her, his mind started to wander. He thought about the times they've spent together, on the job and off. At first it was the simple stuff, like working out or driving to a crime scene together. The light teasing between them as partners made the really hard cases a little easier to swallow. As the memories grew deeper and more intense his footsteps hastened. Flashes of her being ripped away from him by the Russians. Seeing her about to be shot by a man right before his very eyes. The look he couldn't quite read when she pulled him - pulled Max - out of the boatshed.
He stopped dead in the road realizing that things hadn't gone back to normal. She'd just fine tuned her "fine"; being exactly who he expected her to be. Making the old Kensi Blye her cover. Still joking and teasing, but now he realized how hollow and forced it had been. Something had been missing between them and he was an idiot for not seeing it sooner. He hadn't called Sam earlier because he thought he could handle this. Sam needed time with Callen to support him in whatever he was going through, but he no longer had a choice. He needed to find her.
"Hey Deeks, what's up?" Sam said as he answered the phone.
"Listen Sam, I don't have a lot of time to explain, but I can't reach Kensi. Has she called you?"
Sounding slightly amused he asked, "What did you do this time?"
"Nothing, well not nothing, but I'll explain later. Where would she go if she didn't want to be found? A bar, a church, a rodeo?"
He could hear muffled voices and then, "A roof."
"A what?"
"A roof. Callen said that whenever Kensi gets upset, she didn't go out, she went up."
"Of course", he said out loud. The woman at the front desk hadn't just didn't know what the heck he was talking about. "Thanks Sam, I'll catch up with you guys later." He hung up without saying good bye and half sprinted back in the direction of the hotel.
He was now completely soaked to the bone and his heart was racing. When he reached the hotel, he took the stairs two at a time. Bursting through the roof top door it was so dark and with the rain, he couldn't see anything.
"Kensi", he yelled. And then again louder this time, "Kensi, where are you? Please, if you're up here, I need to talk to you"
"Go away Deeks. I want to be alone."
He couldn't tell what direction her voice was coming from. Finally, he saw her about 50 feet away sitting on the high part of the roof with her knees pulled up to her chest. She too was drenched by the rain and from where he was standing he thought she was shaking. For the first time he saw how vulnerable she could be. She looked so fragile and so alone. He hated that something he'd done had caused this.
Hesitantly, he walked over to her and crouched in front of her putting his hands lightly on her shoulders. Feeling how cold her skin was he said "Kensi, please, let's go inside. I can explain."
"I get it; you don't have to explain anything. You never intended for this to be permanent. You always knew you were going to go back to the LAPD."
"That wasn't why I haven't accepted Hetty's offer." Without thinking he blurt out, "It's because of you."
Shocked, she looked up at him as though she'd just been kicked in the gut. "Working with you all this time Deeks and I never thought you could be cruel."
"It's just...I" stammering, he couldn't find the right words. He felt like such an ass. "It isn't "because" of you, more like in spite of you."
"What the hell are you talking about? I assumed it had to do with seeing Nicole again, that maybe you were missing your old life. But I guess I was wrong." She started to stand up, but he kept hold of her.
"Kensi, look at me." When she didn't budge, he gently put his hand under her chin and lifted it so he could at least see her eyes. "You saw how much I screwed up her life, I didn't want to do the same to you. When she kissed me in the boatshed it brought back so many memories. In that moment, I hated everything about my life. The lies, the fear, the loneliness. It wasn't a game. I had true feelings for her, but in the end I had to push them down for the job. I had to turn my back on her and it was one of the worst things I've ever had to do. I was afraid if I took the offer from Hetty..." He stopped short because he realized what his next words were going to be.
"Deeks, don't." She said it so quietly that he almost didn't hear her.
"Kensi, when you asked me if I was going to tell Nicole the truth and I said I didn't think she wanted to know. Do you remember what you asked me?"
"Doesn't she deserve it." She was no longer looking away from him and the look in her eyes was agonizing. But then it turned from hurt to something more.
"You deserve to know why."
"Deeks, stop."
This time he couldn't keep her from breaking away from him. From his squatted position, he fell backward as she scrambled out of his reach. By the time he righted himself she was at the stairwell and the door was closing behind her. He yelled her name, but knew she wouldn't have stopped even if she'd heard him through the wind and rain.
He was to the stairwell in what felt like one stride and he kept moving just as fast down the stairs. He could see her only one flight ahead of him and he was determined to close the gap between them. Misjudging the last step before the landing, he came down hard on his knee, crying out. The pain was excruciating, but he tried to get up anyway. Nope, not going to happen. He barely caught the railing before going down again. He knew he could never make it back to the room before she was gone again.
"Deeks, don't move. Where are you hurt?" Her voice full of concern as she knelt beside him.
"Kensi, you came back?" He honestly couldn't believe it.
"Shut up Deeks and stop moving."
"Did you know that a twisted knee could feel as bad as being shot?"
"Funny. Quit milking it and put your arm up over my shoulder. Try not to put any weight on your leg, okay?"
He followed her instruction, but as soon as they were standing he turned into her space, blocking her from the stairs. Caught off guard, she looked up at him. With one arm wrapped around her shoulders, he wrapped his other arm around her waist and pulled her to him. Before she could react, he kissed her. Even though they were both still chilled from the rain, her lips were warm and soft. At first he thought she would push him away, but instead she slowly pulled herself into the kiss. It wasn't a passionate kiss, just a sweet, delicate kiss. Exactly how he would have wanted a first kiss with her to be.
As much as it pained him to end it, he needed to tell her everything. Pulling back slightly so he could still feel her cheek against his, he didn't yet have the courage to look into her beautiful exotic eyes.
He spoke slowly choosing his words carefully. "I often find myself thinking about what I want in a partner. Strength when faced with the worst life could hand out. Intelligence, both rational and irrational. Kindness and empathy for each and every victim. The ability to still laugh at the end of the day. And someone who knows where the closest Twinkie factory is in the event of an apocalypse." He knew he might pay for that last statement later, but he couldn't help himself. His inner conscious tells him to stop a stalling and get to the hard part before he chickens out.
"When you were taken from me and almost blown to smithereens in front of my eyes, I felt something. Then when you were almost blown to smithereens again and almost murdered by a psychopath, I felt something.
I knew what I was feeling was more than just fear for my partner. I tried to find excuses about the way I felt for you. That it was just our dynamic to help each other keep the distance we needed from this job. Then I realized that the things I wanted in a partner were the same things I wanted in the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. You Agent Kensi Blye, are that woman."
After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled back and looked into her eyes. She had perfected the ability to concealing her emotions and he feared he'd said all the wrong things. He silently pleaded for her to say something, anything.
She broke eye contact and he felt his heart tighten in anticipation of bad news. Unconsciously she started twisting at the fabric of her shirt. Finally she spoke; it was barely above a whisper. "When I think of what I want in a partner, I think of a courageous man who only thinks of the safety for those he protects. Someone who can read between the lines and connect them to the dots on the page. Who can sit quietly playing with a child, inadvertently offering them a moment of freedom from their hurt. And a man who's smile I cannot imagine a life without. She looks up at him again and says. "You Agent Marty Deeks, are that man."
She leans in and kisses him again. It is as soft and sweet as the first kiss, but there is no apprehension or hesitation. At the end of the kiss he no longer fears this will be the last.
Their smiles are shy but knowing and they are silent for a moment letting everything sink in.
"Hey, Kensi?" He asks, forehead leaning against hers.
"Yes Deeks, I mean Marty?"
"Wow, first name basis, this is getting pretty serious. When we get married can I reuse all of that?"
"Don't get ahead of yourself." She says with a bit of a smile.
"But, we've been on like a million dates."
"What? Wait a minute, donuts and coffee don't count. And after that Twinkie crack I should make you walk down the stairs by yourself."
"Come on Kiki, you know you love me, admit it."
Her smile grew softer and she said "I do".
He simply said, "I do too." Then after a short pause he winks and says "I think I hear wedding bells."
"Are you sure you didn't just hit your big head when you fell?"
"Well Sam and G are always saying we bicker like an old married couple.
"And now you get to tell them why." She copies his wink and starts heading down the stairs without him.
"Hey, stop where are you going? I think it's great about the Twinkie factories, it was a compliment, really!"
"I've decided you are way too heavy for me to carry down all these stairs. I'll go get the guys to help you. They look at me like a little sister, so you'll have lots to talk about." She gave him a big smile and started skipping down the stairs.
He yelled over the railing, "How's about we wait a little while to tell them about our "thing"."
She looked up at him from the story below and said, "You owe me coffee and a donut for the next week, no jokes. And they don't count towards dates."
"Deal."
As he listened to her descend the stairs his face broke out into a huge smile. He knew he looked like a complete fool, but he didn't care. Agent Kensi Blye had kissed him tonight. And he was pretty sure she would marry him, when he asked.