(rewritten. as of 12-1-10)

AN: Hello everyone this is my first fanfic ever and I am so proud of myself for finally writing one. I just started writing and it came to me- it was WAY more fun than homework.

Thanx for reading.

-TETRISDOG

DISCLAIMER: if I was JK ROWLING do you think I'd be sitting around writing fan fiction when I could be rolling around in the piles of money I earned from writing Harry Potter?

Summary: Hermione is in St. Mungo's mental ward, after surgery.

Where am I?

All I see is the bed that swallows me. Only me in this dark room- what happened? Who else is in here? A light hangs above me, but it lets off no light. It mocks me for being here. Only one window in this whole room, and it is covered in bars. Thick iron bars that leave stripes across the floor. The shadows and small small amount of moonlight is the only clue to where I am and what time it is. My only light see see where I am. And it is broken with bars locking me inside. Where is everyone?, all I remember is black. Nothing, how did I get here? the panic builds up inside me, I am trapped, I have to get out of here. So I try to stand up, but am abruptly pulled back to the bed like a magnet on metal. A person has placed a charm on this room, I can't leave, or even get up.Where is a light switch? Is there even one? Small spaces make me sick- I hyperventilate, and I lie here curled up in a ball.

A voice in the back of my mind tells me I have to be more logical. Have I read anything like this before in books back in the Hogwarts's library? No- nothing. I am trapped like an animal, helpless and stuck inside this room. I glanced at my arm and i notice it is only skin and bone.. Nothing of how I used to look is left; I am a skeleton, skin and bones. Nothing of what I used to be. I seem to be barley alive, if only Mrs. Weasley could see me now. I reach up to my head expecting my frizzy, poofy, long hair to realize it has been hacked away to a short cut. Do I even look like myself anymore? I probably don't even look like a person though I am a person still- it is a miracle I am alive. But I am alone.

The fear is taking over me, and it surrounds me, and I am drowning in it. I hate small dark places. It started when I was five and got trapped in an elevator- alone, I was on my way to visit my father and- well I only remember parts because the experience was so traumatic. That's what the doctor said anyways. It then progressed when I was in a room with a giant plant surrounding me squeezing- that happened my first year at Hogwarts. After that it moved on till I wasn't only just afraid of dark spaces, or small spaces I was afraid of being alone. And ironically I was alone right now.

I know when people think "Hermione Granger" they think of how I helped Harry win the war and that with out me it wouldn't have worked out. They think i was he brains behind it all- not to be full of myself but- i probably was. They think about how brave I am, helping win the war. I think what about those who have died. Many of them were braver than me, they dashed out to fight- I didn't. I tried to help kill Voldemort but in the end it was Harry not me, not Ron, not Snape, not even Dumbledore could kill him, but Harry could and he did.

Why can't I leave? My tears run down the sides of my face. I choke back the sobs that are threatening to erupt from my body. I am alone. Maybe my life doesn't matter any more. So I let my sadness and grief take over my body. I shake and I scream out "WHY- WHY, WHY, WHY?" I don't even know who I am anymore or even what I hope to get after I get out of here. I put my head in between my knees to drive out all of my bad thoughts, but there are too many. One that is constantly repeating it's self is I am alone, I am alone a mantra repeating in my head, a chant that is slowly going to drive me insane.

How will I get out of this place when I am stuck here on this bed . I am in a blank room with the walls painted white, a white sheet on a white bed. On white floors. Everything is white. It shines in the dark. And I lie here on this white bed, in this white room by myself. I take a few deep breaths to try to calm myself.

Where am I? And how can I get out of here? Then suddenly I think of something my friend shouted at me, when I was so stupid

"HAVE YOU GONE MAD, ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?"

My wand! That's it- my key to leaving here. I search my pockets and look around the room….

"Wand, oh wand were did you go?"I concentrate. Accio wand I think. I wait for the familiar pice of wood that fits me perfectly. Nothing comes. I sigh, I am helpless. I might as well go to sleep, but I stay awake anyways.

I lie here, and all I can think of is that last flash of green light and eyes, ones that have endured great pain. That's when I remember. Who was in front of that green light and whose body crumpled under it and sank to the ground as it hit them and took their life away.

Ron, my Ron. He was the one, we were going to get married after the war and settle down. But now he is gone- gone forever. And I will be without him until the day I die. Where is something sharp so I can rid myself of this pain and die so we can be together- forever like we promised each other.

"RON!" I scream letting my grief flow out of me, and then more builds up, "Ron!" I cry out, my tears seeping into my pillow. I am thrashing around in my bed and I cry until I run out of tears. So then I, tearlessly sob into my pillow. The torture Bellatrix put me through is nothing to the pain I feel right now, in fact I would rather have that happen again ten more times- a hundred if I could have Ron back. I fear that I am losing my mind, slipping into insanity. My heart is shattering into a million pieces and I am alone in this agony.

AN: Hey if you want me to continue this story, because I think it might end up a oneshot if someone doesn't tell me to continue it-hint hint, or if you have any comments please leave a review below or PM me, and thank you for reading.

-TETRISDOG