Bedside Conversations

11-15-2010

By Cadeeo

A Torchwood Fanfiction

'How does pizza sound?'

'Awful. We've had takeaway for three days straight.'

'Well, do you feel like standing around making actual food?'

'…'

'I thought so.'

'I can't feel my legs.'

'I think I've gotten some blisters.'

'You'll be fine in an hour. Honestly, stop complaining.'

'I don't complain.'

'…'

'All right, so I complain about incompetent UNIT soldiers who don't understand the concept of taking orders.'

'Well if a flying elephant was coming your way, would you honestly try to sedate it in midair?'

'Maybe not an elephant, but I do remember this one time…'

'Never mind, don't answer that.'

'Are you getting tired of my stories?'

'It's four in the morning, I've got a headache and I haven't slept for seventy-two hours. We mere humans actually do need to sleep to function.'

'You're no mere human, Ianto Jones.'

'The monthly medical evaluation does tell me otherwise.'

'…'

'Jack?'

'Yes?'

'Did we just catch and sedate a giant purple elephant?'

'Yes, I believe we did.'

'That's… slightly unusual even for the Rift.'

'I've seen stranger things, but it's definitely up there among top five.'

'You have a top five over the strangest things coming out of the Rift?'

'I get bored and I have the patience of a four year-old. I can't be held responsible for my actions.'

'You're technically over two thousand years old; don't you think it's time you grew up?'

'What fund would that be? Besides, you're serious and uptight enough for the both of us.'

'I'm not even going to dignify that with a suitable deadpan response.'

'That's too bad. I was looking forward to it.'

'…'

'Are you falling asleep, Yan?'

'No.'

'Yes, you are.'

'Well, obviously.'

'Goodnight then, my little purple elephant.'

'That's insulting.'

'Yeah, it probably was, but funny.'

'You and your insomnia can sleep on the couch tonight.'

'What?'

'Get out.'

'Oh come on.'

'I'm not saying it twice.'

'But…'

'Goodnight, Jack.'

'…'

'What are you doing?'

'I'm ignoring you.'

'Why can't you just for once…'

'Shut up, Ianto.'

'Okay, fine.'

'Goodnight.'

'Sleep well, my little rose-cheeked smurf.'

Fin.