Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! Last day of classes today, huzzah! (everyone rejoices with Lil, yay!) Finally, a break! This, in case you did not know, is the sequel to the Cheesy Game Show, WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD? If you have not read that yet, go do so or this won't make sense. (not like it makes sense anyway, but still!) I hope you enjoy, and go read my other fics! I have 2 new ones, Little Red Hermione Hood, a funny Harry Potter songfic, and All I Want For Christmas, a cute and mushy Walker, Texas Ranger fic, yay! And please review, I like reviews! Now to thank all who reviewed chapter 7 of the last one... Nenloth Greenleaf (thanks, you and your brother are most welcome, you guys rock! and yeah, people are so lazy nowadays!), Wolfwoman357 (thanks as always, and hope you get some snow!), and Stephanyey (thanks a lot, I picture everything in my mind as I write, very humorous!). A big THANK YOU to all 3 of you! Wait a minute, only 3 reviews? That can't be right! You people need to review, they make my day cheerful! OK, ALL OF YOU NEED TO REVIEW OR SUFFER THE HORRIBLE WRATH OF THE CURSE OF CHRISTMAS FRUITCAKE! (go read that story too, by the way!) Oh, and I won't be able to update until I'm back from my mom's, so sorry! I leave Saturday and come back like the first weekend of January. Hope you all have a lovely winter break, and a Happy Christmas if you celebrate it! I will be happy if I get reviews, yay! That can be your present to me-smiles hopefully at readers- Oh, and in case anyone is interested, I wrote down lots of people's names and pulled three of them out of my fuzzy blue hat, and that is who gets to go in! I even put in random people like Treebeard, Denethor, and Elrond, just to spice things up a bit! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I sadly own nothing, just my red teddy bear, Larry, for whom the Lair of Love was named after, lol! I don't even have any more fruitcake, sad! Care to send me some, Wolf?
Adventures In Gimli's Beard!
A Rescue Mission for Gandalf
Chapter 1
Our camera zooms in on our favorite Cheesy Game Show Set, where an argument is taking place. "The Wheel of Hair never lies!", Merry the Host says defensively. "But surely you must be mistaken!", says an extremely angered elf, "There's no way I'm gonna go in there!" "Yes," agrees an equally angered man, "How can it pick me if I'm not even a contestant? I was just in the audience!" "The Wheel of Hair makes no mistakes!", yells Merry, "Now do not question it, for it knows all! And don't call me Shirley!"
All of the contestants' pictures had been placed on the Wheel of Hair, and it was spun to decide who would have to venture into the gruesome, dangerous, and not very pleasant beard of Gimli to rescue poor old Gandalf, who had suffered an unfortunate Cheesy Game Show accident and is now trapped in the fearsome fur! The all-knowing Wheel of Hair had deemed three people, err, things fit to form the search and rescue party. This group was made up of Legolas of Mirkwood, Eomer of Rohan, and Smeagol of the creepy mountain where he lives.
The first two chosen do not seem to pleased, but Smeagol doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he seems quite happy! Perhaps he hopes he can find his loincloth, or a new one, down in the beard, or maybe a new pet to replace poor, eaten, dead George. Whatever the reason, he isn't complaining as he happily stuffs his bag with cans of Kibbleshnitzel. Unfortunate Eomer was not even supposed to be an option, he was just a mere member of the audience, but somehow the Wheel has picked him. And for the first time anyone can remember, non-expressionable Legolas is actually showing emotion! A look of pure terror is pasted across his face!
These are the three chosen to venture forth into the unknown wilds of Gimli's beard, and they are Gandalf's only hope of being saved! I wouldn't hold my breath if I were him! They are now getting ready for their hazardous journey into the unknown! The group has been given a video camera so that we here at home can actually see, for the first time ever, exactly what it is like inside the massive quantity of hair, how exciting! Eomer takes responsibility for the camera, as he is the only one who knows how to use it.
Each of our heroes will be going into there for the first time today, and none of them know quite what to expect. Fortunately, they have been given special protective gear to ensure their safety! They have football helmets which support the Bay City Skunks, snorkels, gas masks, rubber gloves, a lemon, swimming flippers, and protective construction goggles. The only things they are wearing are the football helmet, gloves, and goggles. The rest of the gear is stored safely in their bags.
Eomer, being the only one in the group with any common sense, ties the end of a long rope around Gimli's large nose, so that when they dive in they will be able to climb back up, how clever! He is being the brave one and volunteering to go in first. On the diving board, though, he realizes a problem.
"Wait a minute!", he says to Cheesy Game Show Host Merry, "We don't know how far the drop is, what's to stop us from being squished into jelly when we hit the bottom?" "Oh, right!", says Merry, "I almost forgot! Here, take these!" The hobbit hands him a pillow and a pair of springs, which had materialized out of nowhere. At the man's questioning look, he explains, "You put the springs on your shoes, and then you tie the pillow to your bum! That way you won't get hurt when you land!" Eomer does so, and then most courageously jumps, still clutching the rope fastened to his furry friend's sleeping face!
When he disappears into the horrific hair, Smeagol climbs the ladder next. He has no shoes, so he attaches the springs to his feet with some bubble gum. After duct-taping the pillow to his barrel, as it would not stay on when tied, he walks to the edge. Then he, too, takes a dive into the festering facial hair! Now there is only one more brave soldier left to go!
Legolas is the last one remaining. The stubborn elf refuses to budge, and Aragorn and Boromir must now forcibly drag him to the stage and carry him up the ladder to the platform! Once they let go, he tries to run but they won't let him pass, so he resorts to clinging to the diving board like a cat to a tree limb, hanging on for dear life! "Come on, Legolas," Aragorn says to him, "Be a man! Just jump!" "I'm not a man, I'm an elf!", he reminds the men, "And I'm not going! It's scary and smelly! Why don't you go, Aragorn? You'd fit right in!"
This angers the man and, with some help from Boromir and a crowbar, he proceeds to pry the petrified elf from the perilous platform. Poor Legolas screams as he falls, but soon his cries of terror are muffled by the beard into which he tumbles. "Poor guy.", says the Ranger. "Indeed!", agrees Boromir, "He forgot the pillow and springs!"
"Well now," says Merry the Host, "Isn't this exciting? A rescue mission! We have to go watch a commercial now, but this will be the last one, as from now on we will be seeing everything from the camcorder that Eomer has! We'll be right back, from inside Gimli's beard!" The camera fades from his very nervous and not-at-all-Gameshow-Host-like smile and goes to our final commercial.
A Final Farewell To Our Beloved Cheesy Commercials!
The camera is now focused on a scary bald man wearing a suit that is even cheesier that Merry's Cheesy Game Show Host suit! He is standing in front of a red background with pink hearts all around, and a neon sign above his head flashes 'Lair of Love', and is reflected in his shiny scalp. He smiles cheesily and says, "Hey there, everyone! Are you a Middle-Earth creature looking for love? If you want help finding that special someone, or something, look no further! Do you have trouble getting dates because of your busy schedule or the fact that you have the manners of a sheep that is not a very polite sheep? If you would like us to help you to find your one true love so that you can live happily ever after, then you need to go elsewhere! However, if you would like us to randomly pull the name of an unknown creature out of a hat and send you on a date with them, then you've come to the right place!
Here at Larry's Lair of Love, we use a special and highly technological hat-and-name-pulling technique to choose the mate of your dreams! To have us draw you a name to find that special someone for you, just send us a letter with your name, address, species, interests, creature preference, and a recent photo! Or you can just stop by and fill out a form at our office! We're happy to help you poor, loveless slobs out there who couldn't tell romance from applesauce if it came up and bit you on the rear! Speaking of poor, loveless slobs, we are also happy to sponsor the Cheesy Game Show, WHAT'S IN GIMLI'S BEARD! Come on down to Larry's Lair of Love today and let us help you find the creature of your dreams, or nightmares, now!"
The man's shiny head blinds us for a moment, then the camera leaves him, thankfully. This time we go, not to our favorite Cheesy Game Show Set, but to the videocamera held by Eomer who is gasp! inside Gimli's beard of doom!