"He's my friend.."
"So was I"
Loneliness is a strange thing. A person could be in a room full of family, friends, or acquaintances, and still feel completely and utterly alone.
After Ultron and the Sokovia disaster Tony watched as the rest of his team (family)
Started pulling back from him. The only one who wouldn't look at him as if he were a danger to society was Rhodey.. even Vision didn't know what to make of his predecessors creator/ father figure. Tony had never meant to make everything such a mess..
Ultron was supposed to be a helper AI for the protection of the earth. Tony never intended for what happened to come into play. When he found out about the corrupted AI he mourned for its loss of potential and grieved in private for JARVIS..
he never would have thought that it would go this far. His child was dead. Because of him.
As Tony watched, one by one the other Avengers turned their backs on him.
He looked on as he slowly became an outsider in his own home.
As the conversations would stop and the others would glare at him whenever he walked into a room.
He stood there, sorry, searching for something to say.. but for all of his superior intellect, words failed him.
There was nothing he could ever say.
This continued on until he moved out of the tower. And he knew that everyone was glad that he was gone.
When the Avengers first came together, to defeat the Alien army, Tony was just a consultant. As time went on, he waited for someone to tell him that he was an official Avenger.. that he could be worth something. He had hoped that he could be a part of this.
So when the rest of the Avengers needed a place to stay he offered his home. He wondered if he would finally be a part of something worthwhile. A family. He never had this kind of thing before.
But as time went on, and as he tried to reach out, he realized that the others were already a makeshift family, just not with him.
Despite his long list of girlfriends, Tony had never had that perfect girl
Who somehow could see the good part of him. Pepper was the only one to even make it close. And she eventually left too.
He had never had the dad who stuck it out..
He was always off chasing leads on his greatest achievement/creation. Steve Rogers. Howard never had time.. No corny jokes or baseball gloves.
Maria, as much as she loved Tony, was always one day away from spending the day with him. The only free time she got with Tony was on his birthday, or in front of the press. She was never a mom who was just There 'Cause mom was all that she had to be.
Lying alone in a Hydra bunker, Tony watched as Steve took his best buddy out into the world.. leaving his former teammate and friend, dying, and alone.
Tony knew that all of the things that went wrong weren't his fault. And that he was doing the right/smart thing by signing the Accords. But That was not a worthy explanation for Steve. Now, Tony knew there was none.
Nothing can make sense of all these things That he'd supposedly done.
Once again Words fail Tony, as he lays in agony watching Steve leave.
There's nothing He could say Except that sometimes, you see everything you wanted.. And sometimes, you see everything you wish you had; it's right there, right there
In front of you.
And you want to believe it's true
So you... make it true.. in this case Tony wanted so badly to believe that he had meant something to any of the Avengers..
But this was just a sad invention
It wasn't real.. and now he knew. But he had finally had a semblance of happiness.
He guesses he couldn't let that go.. He couldn't give that up.. no matter how wrong his perception was, Tony wanted to believe.
'Cause if he just believed
Then he didn't have to see what's really there.
No, Tony would rather pretend he's something better than The broken parts that his suit was now. Crushed and the soul (arc reactor) shattered.
He'd Rather pretend he was something other than this mess that he was..
'Cause then he wouldn't have to look at the scars.. and nobody else got to look at it.
No, no one can really see
'Cause Tony had learned to slam on the brake Before He even turned the key.. a remnant of his past with Howard. It was best to stop before he even tried.
Before Tony made the mistake of being himself, Before he lead with the worst of his fragile heart..
he put up his mask.. never let them see the worst of Tony Stark.
Because what if everyone saw?
(Past his mask, past his walls..)
What if everyone knew?
(What little self worth he really had..)
Would they like what they saw?
(Would they think he was brave for continuing on?)
Or would they hate it?
(Hate him?)
Will he.. no. Could he just keep on running away from the truth?
Every fiber in Tony wanted to run. Run from his Father, from the Ten Rings, from his masks, from his fans, his enemies, and his "friends."
If he were Icarus he wouldn't have flown with wax wings.. he would have flown into the sun with his Iron Man suit.
But how does one step into the sun?