Warnings: Angst, minor off-screen character death
When Remus walks out of Order Headquarters that night, he thinks it's for the last time. He's tired of the death and the tears and knows that he needs to remove himself from the situation. It's getting to him, getting to all of them.
Tonight the Order gathered to remember Marlene and her family, to recall why it was they fought. Instead of a poetic eulogy to their fallen, though, there were only tears.
Their number has dwindled from twenty-two to thirteen in the space of a year, which makes it hard to pretend that those remaining aren't marked for death. And Remus doesn't want to die.
"Remus!"
Remus' feet stop of their own accord when he hears Sirius' voice. He doesn't want to turn around, fearing the sight of Sirius' puffy, tear-stained face, but he does all the same. He regrets it in an instant. Remus watches as Sirius slowly approaches him, stepping past the line of comfort that they had drawn when they broke up months ago. And, suddenly he is wrapped in Sirius' arms.
One of Sirius' hands cards through Remus' hair, the other rubs his back. The embrace is a tight one, Remus' chin resting on Sirius' shoulder and Sirius' face buried against his neck. The smell of cigarettes is almost overwhelming—Sirius has been chain smoking for the past two hours—but Remus finds comfortable familiarity in it and allows his body to ease against Sirius'. As much as he tries to deny it, he misses being with Sirius in ways that he can't explain.
Sirius pulls back, his cheeks wet and eyes red, and brings his hand to Remus' cheek, smoothing his thumb against Remus' flushed skin.
"I know you don't want to hear this, but I have to say it, Moony. If I d—"
Remus finds himself overwhelmed. Being back in his ex-boyfriend's arms, grieving the loss of a friend, watching the single most important person in his life reduced to tears—he can't hold it back anymore.
"Stop it. You're not going to, so just don't," he says, his voice breaking.
"I need you to know, Remus."
"I already know."
He pulls Sirius against him and clings to him as if Sirius is the only thing standing between him and oblivion. In that moment, Remus can't believe how stupid they've been acting. All of the arguing and the secrets seem so trivial now. The only thing they need in this world is each other. It frustrates Remus to no end that it took them until the end of October—seven months since they broke-up, seven months that they could have spent together—to figure it all out.
"I love you, Remus. You're the best thing to have ever happened to me. The only thing I regret is breaking it off. So if I die, know that and let it comfort you."
Remus isn't sure if he's crossing the line, but he kisses Sirius anyway.