From the distance, hero of our story and fastest character in the established narrative, Sonic T. Hedgehog, was running across the digital, white-colored landscape of the author's document manager. Realizing that all of his actions were being narrated out loud and that every single think he seemed to be doing or thinking as of this very moment, including this, was being written down in front of him, he stopped. At first, this was a game of cat-and-mouse, so he didn't say anything while the author continued to muse on his body features. He was a hedgehog (duh) with blue fur the color of deep ocean waves, his spikes were washed down coolly and his feet and hands were covered by red-white shoes and white gloves respectively, and while normally he was a very thin, somewhat lanky animal, for the sake of story purposes, Sonic has been transformed into a werewolf-like, muscular, hulking hedgehog with a sex hunger.
"Okay, what the hell?" the rad, bad, surprisingly-chad hedgehog stopped himself before he could be changed any further, "Who are you to change who I am? I didn't agree to be put into this story."
But the author was not a hair out of place, "Oh but Sonic, you don't understand. I know you all too well. This isn't a story, in fact, its your newest video game. Its called Sonic the Pervert, and that's not just a convenient title hook. I know how hard you've been trying to get in with all of the ladies. Your games all make you look weak, puny, and obsessed with rings. But all SEGA wants is for you to remain an E-Rated video game mascot, so they just erase any of the females you've tried to touch over the years. Sally, Mindy Mongoose, Fiona Fox. They replaced them with a 14-year old girl so that legally you COULDN'T have your way with her, and they're even worsening the situation by giving her the most airy skirt in history!"
"Tch!" said (or rather scoffed) Sonic, seemingly accepting this new storyline being grafted into his memory and the plot of this game, because it really was something that had been bothering him. He folded his arms, "Even so, you may know all of that, but you forgot I'm the fastest thing alive! Even if those cooks at SEGA keep trying to censor me, I'm way too ZOOT for their SOOT."
"Excuse me?"
Sonic coughed and restarted, "See, I've got too much GAS for their CAN so I AM going to have my way, ya' dig?"
"Pardon?"
Sonic smashed his face against his gargantuan palm and finally shook his head, "I can have any of the girls I want and SEGA can't stop me! For instance, c'mere Sally Girl!" and with the camera panning to the right, the very mentioned Sally Acorn, one of Sonic's original love interests was revealed in the plot. Sonic tried to grab her hand, which made Sally blush, but then suddenly, she disappeared into thin air. "G'wha!"
"See, I told you. Not even the speed demon Sonic can keep up with the programming of SEGA'S newest release." the author explained in a sympathetic tone to the dissuaded hedgehog, who balled his hands into a fist.
"Grrr...! Damn it! I'm sick of this kiddy sh*t!" Sonic covered his mouth, "Di...did I just curse!"
"Mmm, yes, you did. You can do that now."
Sonic's mouth turned into a smile. "BUT HOW!"
"Well, you see, this is a fan-created video game. In other words, in no way associated or owned by SEGA so as to protect them from any anonymous claims that they intentionally produced pornographic or violently explicit content of their franchises out into the public eye. By doing this, this also defends me, the author from being arrested by making any financial claim to the rights, property, or ownership of your character, series, or even license." the author winked at the screen to those of you reading this far, "So since its not entirely owned by SEGA, I can help you out a little bit. The first thing I did was take off your cursing censor."
"B-but... why can't I curse without those f*cking dots popping up!"
"The same reason you're a hulking naked horny character whose objective is to seek out, strip, and make out with/molest/rape the three girls in this game for your own personal enjoyment." the author said, using his mouse to make a few annoying clicks. "I want to explain something now Sonic, this is no longer an E-Rated game with you running out naked and trying to 'do' all of your female cast members. This game is rated M for explicit content, explicit and graphic sex scenes, violence, and other things sixteen year olds probably shouldn't be playing, reading, or even standing in the immediate vicinity of but are doing so anyway."
"So what you're saying is that anyone under 17 years of age should probably not have anything to do with this newest perverted adventure of mine?"
"Yes." replied the author, "Anyone who cannot handle the extreme gravity of comical sexual intercourse, situations, cartoon violence, bad portrayal of relationships between man and woman and other adult subject matter. In fact, if this were a fan fiction on some conboluded website somewhere, this story would probably so break the age restriction limit it'd be deleted on sight. So underage readers should definitely not be reading this. Got it?"
"Got it!" Sonic nodded, "So, how do you plan to help me, Mr. Author? You've talked the talk about my dilemma, but you've yet to walk the walkthrough of this game here!"
"Yes, I suppose I should elaborate. Right now, you are undergoing sexual suppression by a simple lack of pussy over the past 20 years or so. So right now, you're undergoing the horny hornet symptoms from hell. In other words, your innate senses should automatically guide you to the location of the three girls you want to f*ck the most. These girls are in this order - Sally Acorn, Amy Rose, and... well, the last girl is an extra surprise. Your naturally-emitted pheromones from your updated muscular body should subdue them into complacency, but I think your long overdue interactions with them should be enough to convince them to let you have your way with them."
"Say, if you can tell me all this, can't you just bring them all here?" Sonic asked, a very legitimate question that deserved a positive answer.
"No." said the author.
"Well, then how do you expect me to find and sex up these fine ladies? Even my speed can't keep up with this programming SEGA has in them."
The author, very coyly, explained, "See, the programming is actually in the clothing. The programming is automated so that the programmers can lock onto the clothing of the "victim"... I mean "girl" so that when you get near them, they can be instantly teleported to another game scenario or level. Since you have to complete a level before you can move on, this makes that girl inaccessible to you. So in other words, its kind of like getting a game over. However, I can extend your time with the girl you are near and give you almost two minutes more time to get rid of that pesky clothing so they won't be teleported away! Sound good so far?"
"Yeh! Yeh!" Sonic's head bobbed.
"Good. Now remember, you have to rip off all of a victim's clothing in order for them not to be teleported away from you by SEGA'S programming. Due to difficulty curve and character appearance, Sally will have the least amount of clothing, but the difficulty will steadily increase as you move through the girls..."
"LET'S BLAST OFF AT SONIC SPEED!" Sonic cheered, though not to the author's approval.
The author, despite having played Sonic Heroes, had disliked every line used in that game. But it didn't matter what he thought, because now that Sonic the Pervert had been unleashed, there was about to be a whole new awakening of Sonic pairings in the world. He only hoped that this action would not come too late, before Sonic's sexual urges became too repressed for him to recover from!
"Oh yeah-" the author mumbled to himself, Sonic the Pervert was originally a fangame by Steve Farlan!"
Onward to Act 1.