This fic is inspired by Uncle Rick himself.

"Apple's new map app displeases Hermes greatly. Eris, however, is delighted."

Rick Riordan camphalfblood

The god of travelers, the guy who delivered all the other worldly mail and the god of the internet, was lost. Yes, my children, Hermes was lost. Completely and utterly lost. You'd think he'd have, I don't know, a GPS, but no, he didn' had the new iPhone 5, with it's new map app. "No," he had said, "of course I won't need a GPS. I have an iPhone." (Cue magical rainbows, unicorn vomit and glowing butterflies that poop french fries.)

Yes my dear readers, that is iPhone with capital P, and not capital I.

And it was that iPhone (don't forget the P) that had gotten him lost. Very lost. Colossally lost. His very own creation (he gave the idea to Steve Jobs way back when, bless his soul) made him lost.

Hermes blamed that new guy, whatever his name was. The guy couldn't even make a map right. Sweet Zeus almighty. Hermes shook his head. He shouldn't have left his caduceus at home. Though even I had to admit, it was a lot quieter with George and Martha not there.

Hermes may not have been Athena, but he knew that 31st street wasn't supposed to look like little mountains moved in there. Or that 32nd wasn't a dead end, and that 81st didn't actually exist.

New York had suddenly become a twisting vortex of roads and hills and the-gods-don't-even-know-what. Hermes glared at his phone angrily. You'd think that being a god would make him all-knowing and that he wouldn't get lost, but Hermes was the god of travelers.

And what, my little devils, are travelers doing? They're always getting lost! I have to admit, that's usually my fault.

Watching people being completely frustrated like that is just so funny. Hermes is no exception.

Where's Fifth Avenue? Hermes asked himself. He started walking in the direction he hoped is right, keeping his eyes open for the glass building.

I may or may not have made him take a few wrong turns.

Hermes did eventually find it. He walked in the building, down the stairs until he came to a room full of people.

"Hey!" He called out. A whole bunch of people hoping to purchase some Apple product looked up. "Does anyone want this iPhone?"

If they hadn't been paying attention before, the were now.

"iPhone?" They all echoed like they were coming out of a daze. Then, they started to run towards him. A whole mob of iPhone hungry people coming right at him.

Maybe he should have just handed it to someone then ran away.

But no, he had to be all noisey. And now he had at least a hundred angry Apple fans dashing towards him like he held the last piece of food on a deserted island.

Needles to say, the Apple geeks charged with a purpose. Soon they had him swarmed, he was swallowed whole with no chance of escape. They all had their hands out, hoping to be the person to grab it.

From my seat, far far away on Olympus, I laughed.

Why have I been writing so much...? Ignore how FanFiction is being racist to me and keeps derping with my line things. Leave a review if you feel like it!