Hiroshi related this incident to me, and Daisuke confirmed its veracity (On the other hand, Nabiki and Akane denied it vehemently -- you can believe who you want to). Anyway, it supposedly happened shortly before Ran-chan arrived in Nerima...

She Deserves Better

A Ranma1/2 fanfiction
by Ukyou Kuonji


It was a morning like any other morning at Furinkan High School.
The usual gang of athletic idiots gathered in front of the school,
waiting...
I was already in class, looking out at the gathering storm. "Say,
Daisuke.."
"Mm? What is it, Hiroshi?"
"D'ya ever feel sorry for her?"
"Sorry? Whaddya mean? She's got every boy at Furinkan salivating
after her. What girl wouldn't wanna be in her shoes?"
"Aw c'mon, Daisuke. You know they're out there to beat her up.
Just like Kuno ordered them to. It seems so... Stone Age. You know...
caveman knocks girl over head with club, drags her home by the hair.
It just doesn't seem right. You can tell *she* doesn't like it --
why would she fight so hard if she did?"
"Hmph! Aren't *you* turning into the sensitive new-age guy, `Rosh."
"I'm serious, Daisuke!"
"Well, can it for now -- here she comes!" The rest of the class
charged over to the windows to watch.

To watch her approach, dispassionately, you wouldn't notice
anything out of the ordinary about her. Just your typical Japanese
schoolgirl in her white blouse and blue dress charging for class as
though she was gonna be late. Once on the school grounds, of course,
she ceased to be ordinary. The jocks converged upon her with cries
of "Say you'll be mine, Akane!" "I love you! Take this!" and so on.
Every morning they did this. And every morning, she plowed through
them like a high-speed bulldozer, leaving several dozen broken bodies
in her wake.
It was comical, the way these guys were splayed out after she'd
finished with `em, kinda like a Tom and Jerry cartoon or some such.
You couldn't sympathize with them; they seemed to be getting what
they deserved. But as for her... ?
Somehow, I knew this was the wrong way to win her heart.

***

"Hey, `Rosh. If yer not gonna eat yer bento, can I have it?"
"Hunh?" I snapped out of it, and looked at my lunch. I hadn't
touched it. Well, that was easily remedied. I dug in, heartily.
"Lemme guess. You were thinking about *her* again, right?" If
Daisuke noticed me blush, he was civil enough not to tease me about
it. "You like her, don'tcha?"
"Yeah, well... who doesn't?"
"Uh-huh.."
"It just seems like... those guys are going about things the wrong
way. Did you hear her earlier when she said she hated guys?"
"So... what are you implying by that?"
"Getcher mind outta the gutter, Dais-man. She's no lesbian. I
think it's those guys that did this to her."
"What? Get outta here!"
"Well, think about it. If I had a bunch of girls chasing me..."
"..I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven."
"Shut up, Daisuke. I wasn't finished. If they were chasing me,
and trying to beat the tar outta me or whatever, I wouldn't be too
fond of girls, either."
"Trying to beat you up, and yet in love with you... It'd take a
special man to elicit *both* of those emotions from a woman at the
same time. I don't think you're of that caliber, `Rosh."
"I never said I was. I was using that as an example as to why
Akane doesn't like boys. If *those* guys are her impression of
what boys are, it's only natural she'd hate `em. I'd say she
deserves better."
"Okay, I'll agree with you on that point. But how's she gonna
get anyone better? If a decent fellow..."
"Why, thank you, Daisuke."
He ignored me. I had it coming, I guess. "...were to ask her
out, he'd still have to deal with Kuno. That baka has insisted
that anyone who wants to go out with her has to defeat her in
combat. You try to circumvent that by just *asking* her out,
you'll haveta answer to him. And knowing you, you might very
well be laid up in hospital by the day your date rolls around."
He was right, of course. I'd have to either defeat Akane, which
was impossible, or face Kuno, which would be murder. Mine, most
likely.
I munched on my dessert thoughtfully. Then it hit me.
"Okay, then. I'll take her on. I'll be waiting outside the
school tomorrow morning."
Daisuke's eyes bugged. "You can't be serious, man!"
"Why wouldn't I be? It's the only way, right?"
"Yeah, but... wouldn't you be lowering yourself to their level?
Besides, what makes you think you can beat her?"
"Not exactly. I don't intend to fight her per se."
"So how do ya win a fight yer not participating in?"
"I didn't say I wasn't participating. I merely said I wasn't
fighting. I'm not gonna throw a punch or anything. I'm simply
gonna take her by surprise. Martial arts isn't just a matter of
brawn and fighting skill. Sometimes surprise and strategy win the
day. Her family owns the school of Anything-Goes Martial Arts; if
*anyone* could accept the notion that martial arts isn't always
about fighting directly, it's her."
"That's as may be, but would she accept *you*?"
"I don't know the answer to that one, Daisuke. I have to defeat
her, first, don't I? And by the way, don't call it `beating' her."
"All right, whatever. I still don't think you can do it, man."
"I've got a plan... I think. If all goes well, I think I can win."
"You wanna put some money up on that? Say... ten thousand yen?"
"Whoa. That's kinda steep."
"Hey, if you can't handle it..." The weak spot of *every* guy.
Being called chicken.
"Fine. You're on. Besides, I'll need the extra cash to take Akane
somewhere special." We shook on it.
"And if you lose, you won't be going anywhere for a long time, so
you won't be needing your money, either. Ja!" He started running
off.
"Hey, man... where ya goin'?"
"Off to find her sister. Maybe she can give me good odds so I
don't have to lose so much on this bet... just in case!" Well,
it was sort of comforting. He was going to Nabiki Tendo to bet
on me to win. Of course, if she's gonna bet against me... well,
so much for the element of surprise.

***

The next morning, I got up just a little earlier that usual.
After waking up my little brother Masato, I ran downstairs, grabbed
some fruit and headed for the door. My mom's voice floated in from
the kitchen.
"Are you leaving without saying goodbye, son? And without
breakfast?" I was caught. I walked back into the kitchen.
"Sorry about that, mom." I gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
"But I gotta get to school early this morning. It's kinda hard to
explain." I showed her the fruit I had grabbed. "Mind if I take
this with me for breakfast?"
Her face softened. "Not at all, Hiroshi. That's fine. It's
good to see you're applying yourself." What she didn't know...
"All right. You go on, then. Study hard. Do well. I love you!"
"Yeah, I love you, too, Mom." And out the door.

***

And there I sat, on the stairs right outside the main entrance,
casually eating my breakfast (well, as casually as possible under
the circumstances), waiting for the fun to start. Presently, there
was a rumble of voices, as the athletic types began to assemble in
their usual places. A few of them noticed me sitting on the front
steps, but otherwise, they paid no attention to me. Which was just
the way I wanted it.
A cry went up: "Here she comes!" The mass of humanity before me
moved away, toward the school gates, in anticipation of intercepting
Akane on her way in. I couldn't see her approach, but I knew when
she'd entered the gates: bodies started to fly in every direction,
each landing with a thump and a groan of pain from the hapless victim.
I continued calmly eating my breakfast, but I couldn't help thinking
that if this were just a cartoon, this scene would be pretty damn
funny. Even hearing them land, I could find no sympathy for them.
They brought these injury down upon themselves, and kept coming back
for more. The fools.
And here I was amongst them. Well, not exactly...
The throng had cleared, the wall of humanity quickly shoved aside
by Akane Tendo's iron fists (that's not poetic license, folks, that's
the truth: I learned later that Nabiki had insisted her sister wear
wrist weights and brass knuckles when Daisuke requested odds on Akane
to lose. Can't blame the girl for hedging her own bets, really; it is
`anything-goes' martial arts, after all). It was just Akane running
for the stairs, her long hair bouncing behind her. And me sitting
there on the stairs in front of her, finishing my breakfast. She
slowed her pace ever so slightly.
"Hiroshi?" I just looked up and waved.
"Hi, Akane." She stopped running entirely. She just stood there,
staring. It looked like I had already caught her by surprise. Good.
"What are *you* doing here?"
"Well, it seems that this is the only way to ask you out. So, I
guess I'm your last challenger."
Did her face just fall at that last remark? "Oh.
"Well then, you'd better get ready to fight me, because here I
come.. !"
I stood up as she began her charge. "You deserve better than this,
Akane. I'm sorry I have to do it, but..." and I turned as if to
walk away. I took one last bite from my banana, and looked over
my shoulder at her. Then I tossed the peel onto the ground just
a few steps in front of her.
She hadn't the time to react; indeed, I couldn't tell if she even
realized what I had done until it was too late. She stepped onto
the peel with her right foot, and it skidded backwards. Her forward
momentum pitched her forward onto her face. I covered my mouth
with my hands. I wanted to stop what was happening, but rules are
rules, even if neither of the players really wants to abide by them.
The sound of her head striking concrete was sickening. What had
I done?
I ran over to her, and struggled to turn her over. I sighed with
relief as I saw only a sizable bruise on her forehead. She'd be
hurting when she woke up, and she'd be marked for several days to
come, but she'd be okay otherwise.
I tried to pick her up and carry her in my arms, but I didn't
have that kind of strength. I looked up at the school building.
All sorts of kids were staring out at the scene. I spotted my
homeroom and called out: "Hey, Daisuke! Gimme a hand getting
her to the nurse's station. And bring the ten thou, will ya?"
Hey, if I'm gonna embarrass myself by being unable to carry her
on my own, the least I could do was to pass the embarrassment
along to Daisuke for losing the bet.
"One moment, `Rosh! Gotta get the dough from Nabiki." Oh yeah.
I forgot. He'd also bet *on* me. So much for that.

***

We managed to carry her into the nurse's station, and I sat there
beside her, waiting for her to come to. Daisuke decided to, as he
put it, "leave you two lovebirds alone," and left the office.
I couldn't help staring at her as she lay there. She really looked
like a sleeping angel. And now... she was mine?

"Aah!" Suddenly, she sat bolt upright. "Wh-what happened?" Then,
she turned to look at me.
"Hi, Akane. I'm sorry about this, but I..." The transformation on
her face was remarkable. From wonder to realization to...
"Do you realize what you've DONE?!"
...to fury.
Her tone of voice startled me. There wasn't even a hint of tenderness
in it. In fact, I was beginning to suspect that any answer I could give
was going to be the wrong one. But in the silence that followed her
question -- or rather, her demand -- I felt I had to say *something*.
"I.. defeated.. you?" As tentatively as I could. Her face was a
mask of amazed disgust.
"You.. you.. def.." she spluttered. "You HUMILIATED me! In front
of the whole school! With a banana peel!"
"I said I was sorry even then, Akane! I didn't wanna fight you,
but Kuno said..."
"Oh, KUNO said it. That makes it gospel, huh? Do you honestly
think I would go out with someone if they beat me? What kind of
a masochistic idiot do you take me for? I might as well date the
banana peel I tripped on for all the sense that makes!"
"I'm sorry, Akane. I thought you deserved better than for a guy
to beat you up. But it was either do this, or just ask you out and
face Kuno's wrath.."
"And if you asked me, and I said yes, don't you think I could
protect us both from Kuno?!"
That hadn't occurred to me. Of course. She always beats him by
herself. I could have just *asked* her out. Well, it's never too
late, right?
"Uh.. then.. will you go out with me?" She was dumbstruck for a
moment.
Wrong. Fuji-yama awoke.
"NO!!!" Oh, hell.
She picked up a nearby bedpan and hurled it at me. I didn't get
out of the way fast enough, and got hit -- hard -- right in the face.
"Get... OUT!!" She didn't have to tell me that twice. I was gone.

***

I stepped out of the nurse's office. Daisuke was waiting for me.
"Here's the ten thousand I owe you." He took a quick look at my
face. "Uh... nice shiner, man."
"Yeah, no kiddin'. Say, how much did you bet with Nabiki, anyway?"
"She gave me 30 to 1 odds on you. So I bet five hundred yen. Came
out with a Y5,000 profit!"
"Aren't you the sharpie. Well, since I'm responsible for that
profit of yours, how's about springing for a beefsteak for this
black eye Akane gave me, ne?"
"After school?"
"Yeah, that's fine."
"Sure, no problem. You're the man, I tell ya."
"Yeah, right."

We walked the rest of the way back to class in silence. Just
before we opened the door, he turned to me.
"Well, `Rosh... d'ya still feel sorry for her?" I had to think
about it for a moment.
"No, I guess not. And, ya know something?"
"What?"
"It'd serve her right if she winds up with a guy that'll cause
her as much pain and heartache as she does to the rest of us."
"Amen to that, bro." And we headed on into class.


*****

Ranma 1/2 and all characters therein are copyright
Rumiko Takahashi and used without permission.

*****