Yes, yes, for those who follow me I know I have not updated Guide and Guardian in forever but, well, college. I HAVE been working on it though, and am up about five chapters, so the updates will be steady and constant once summer rolls around. For now, I'm just posting this because I have fallen down the rabbit hole. If it wasn't now it would be later. For those of you who do not ship Reylo please don't give me hate, I know you don't like it, but this is my first time out of my only other fandom and I would like to see how my writing style is recieved.

Soon

On Takodana I had openly admitted that I never knew so much green had existed in the entire galaxy. It had been true, on Jakku there was nothing but desert sand. The only exception was on those rare occasions when traders would land bearing small plants for a hefty price. Only once had I been able to afford the trade, two days worth of rations for the meekest flower they had available. Those two days my stomach twisted in pain with hunger had been worth it, because my downed AT-AT, which I called home, had been filled with the most pleasant smell I can recall. It was the combined aroma of the rich musky soil that housed the plant's roots and the sweet nectar of the flower itself. I was never told what type of flower it was, but I will never forget the way it smelled, or the way it flourished under the setting sun of Jakku. It didn't last long of course, only a week or so, but that was one of the more pleasant experiences I had living on that backwater planet. Those handful of experiences, which I kept close to my heart, made living there for so long bearable.

I smiled to myself, comforted to a small degree to be sitting on cooling sand once again as I stared out at a bare horizon. However, this horizon was not the one I was accustomed to. I was not gazing at the endless dunes of sand on Jakku, but the endless and unfamiliar abyss of salt water. An ocean. I never dreamed I would ever see this much water in one place, let alone a whole planet dedicated to it. Yet here I am, sitting on the shoreline late at night on Ahch-To, the site of the last Jedi Temple where Master Luke had agreed to train me. I had never slept well, and tonight was one of those nights where sleep had only come long enough to feel rested for the intense training I knew awaited me come dawn.

Tonight, sleep was evasive for several reasons other than the usual one. I felt on edge, very aware of a change in the air. No, not the air... the Force. Something was coming, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. It didn't feel dangerous, but it most assuredly wasn't safe. I pulled my knees closer to my chest, placing my head on top as my eyes slid shut. I tried to concentrate on the feeling once again, letting it flow through me. It was almost like an electric current; once I connected the right circuits it just flooded my entire being. A rush of excitement and anticipation at first, then a cautious edge tinged with a lighter sentiment. Trying to name it was difficult, it was almost a longing, but one of happiness. Caring.

I jumped, feeling the incoming tide lapping at my feet. I back peddled slightly, ashamed that water could instill so much fear within me. Growing up on Jakku, it was no surprise I never learned how to swim; there had never been a need. I had done some research on the subject, and like anything else I knew the mechanics. It wasn't until I attempted to do it would I know if I could or not. That wasn't a comforting thought, and I would never dare attempt a feat like that alone. That would just be reckless and unintelligent.

Sighing under my breath I contemplated telling Master Luke my fear, though I'm sure he already suspected. Never having me train too close to a cliff or the water's edge were major hints, but if he knew, why not mention it? Jedi weren't supposed to have fear were they? Then again it was very early in my training, perhaps he was allowing me time to adjust? If that was the case then maybe he's waiting for me to broach the subject. I should be the one to mention it first, since it is my fear after all.

"Really, you are afraid of something?"

That voice! I sprung to my feet, my staff that had been resting next to me flying into my awaiting palms as I stared at the one person in the entire galaxy I had not expected to see. At least, not this soon.

"How interesting." The black clad figure continued, "You're so open when you're alone. I guess that's to be expected, since you've been alone for so long."

Kylo Ren. I suppressed a snarl at that superior tone I recognized from a time not so long ago, when I was restrained by cold metal and he towered above me with that same look in his eyes. Fixing him with an intense glare I demanded, "What are you doing here? How did you even find this place?"

He quirked an eyebrow, not saying anything more. We once again fell into that rhythm we seem to have developed, taking in the other's form while tensed for battle. All of his injuries had healed by now, if the returned confidence in his stance was any indication. Except one, I noticed. A thin line that was barely noticeable trailed from the bottom of his right cheek to his nose, skipping the space between his eyes only to reappear above his left eyebrow. I suppressed a smile as I recollected how exactly he acquired that scar. That's the least he deserved after what he had done.

Apparently my amusement was reflected in my eyes, because the spell we were under broke with his sneer and a step in my direction. "Admiring your handiwork, scavenger?"

"It's hard not to when it's so clearly on display," I answered honestly. "Did you lose your mask in the explosion?"

Another step in my direction, "No, actually, but I'm not ashamed of my mark. At least I finally have a worthy opponent."

I refused to take a step back, willing my body to remain locked in place in the face of his slow advance. Gripping my staff a bit tighter I asked, "Is that what this is about? You've come here for a rematch?"

"On the contrary." He smiled, taking two steps forward this time. "I simply came to check up on your training. Are you regretting turning down my offer yet?"

"Not at all," I answered a bit too quickly. I was becoming nervous as I felt the sand beneath my feet become damp, knowing the water wasn't far from rushing my ankles.

Looking me up and down Kylo Ren muttered, "Is that right?"

"Yes." I nodded, feeling fear rush through me as the cool water finally reached my feet. I pushed it away, remembering Master Luke's mantra on how to control fear and turn it into peace. I needed to focus on the threat in front of me, rather than the imaginary one below me.

"I'll give the old Jedi fool this much," Ren scoffed. "He has certainly taught you how to control your fear, finding peace in my presence is quite an accomplishment. You should be proud."

"I am not afraid of you," I said confidently.

Surprise morphed his scarred features for a split second before his eyes narrowed, "You're not. I can feel the truth, but if I am not the cause of your fear... then what is?"

I knew what was coming next. I prepared myself mentally as he lifted his arm, bare hand outstretched in my direction as if reaching for me. He was attempting to search my mind, but was having trouble gaining access. I readied my staff, knowing he would eventually forgo stance for power. When he let his guard down I would strike.

Unfortunately, the tide was coming in faster than I expected, and as the water rushed past me I felt the sand beneath my feet give slightly and I gasped. For that one moment of diverted focus I had let my guard down, and he was instantly in my head searching for answers. I tried to push him out, watching as his face shifted, from glee-to curiosity-to amusement. He had something, and knowing him, he would use it. When I finally managed to push him out, the onslaught of searching finally over, I didn't know what to do. Had he discovered my real fear? What was he planning to do now?

Falling out of his defensive stance he straightened to his full height, hands resting at his sides. A few breaths passed between us before he whispered, "A blartree blossom."

"What?" I asked confused, the phrase catching me off guard.

"The flower in your downed AT-AT." Kylo Ren clarified, rolling his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Back on Jakku, the flower that produced that amazing smell for those precious seven days was a blartree blossom."

"Stay out of my head!" I shouted, taking an involuntary step back.

Tilting his head to the side, as if he truly didn't understand, he asked, "Why?"

"Because it's an invasion of privacy!" I snapped, "Those memories do not belong to you and are not yours to take. They are mine, and if you try to force your way in again I swear I'll-"

"You'll what?" He interrupted, "What will you do... scavenger?"

Hating the way he called me 'scavenger,' in that low voice that sent a shiver up my spine, I didn't think about my answer as I threatened, "I'll give you another scar to match the one you already have."

That seemed to set him off, but instead of pulling out his saber as I expected him to, he advanced towards me at an alarming rate, striding until he was nearly on top of me. I backed up further into the water, my fight or flight instinct overriding my fear as I gave myself enough space to swing my staff. He deflected my blow with his arm, still advancing towards me as I swung several more times. I felt a desperate need to win so I could move away, the water beginning to travel further up, past my knees as Kylo Ren continued towards me with each blocked swing. One blow finally hit its mark with striking accuracy, his head flying back followed by a cry of pain.

Snapping back with a snarl, he lunged for my staff, hands mirroring mine as he attempted to rip it from my grasp. Throwing my left leg up I landed a blow to his chest, effectively pushing him back, nearly causing him to fall in the water. This proved disastrous for me however, as he used the momentum to rear forward and pounce on top of me. I ended up falling under water completely, the salt stinging my eyes and my heart beating rapidly as I thrashed beneath the man hovering above me. Apparently unaware of my true fear of this situation, as he still attempted to snatch away my only weapon while I struggled, he was undeniably unprepared for my next desperate move.

Feeling a slight burn in my lungs from the lack of oxygen, I summoned all of my strength to detach just one of his hands from my staff. Once I had pried it away I immediately brought the loosened limb to my mouth and sunk my teeth into the exposed flesh. His surprise shown clearly in the muffled bellow I heard under water as he snatched his hand away from me, shifting his weight above me just the amount I needed. Seizing the opportunity, I tucked my knees into my chest, my feet aimed at the center of his chest before propelling them forward, practically launching Kylo Ren back into the water. Just as I threw my body upward, gasping in a breath, I noticed he too had fallen under water completely, spluttering out several coughs when he resurfaced.

By this time I had already regained my balance and was advancing on the downed knight. His hands raised in defense, probably not thinking to use the Force until I landed on him, staff wedged against his throat. I made sure to straddle his legs, effectively blocking any attempt he had to throw me off. I had him caught between a rock and a hard place. As he struggled to keep his head above water I continued to apply pressure to his windpipe, slowly cutting off his air as he fought to get the upper hand. Thankfully, my weight and added force was just enough to make him struggle for purchase as we grappled.

I was feeling confident, determined not to let him win when a burst of panic surged through me. His chest had begun to heave beneath me and his breaths were becoming more and more erratic as he pushed forward without gaining any ground. Still flooded with panic, I uncharacteristically pleaded, "Give up! You won't win, so just surrender!"

For a moment, I saw in his eyes that he had considered my offer, and I truly believed for that one moment that he would agree. However, just like flicking on a light switch, that fire I had seen in our battle long ago was renewed, and I felt my body be forced off of him. Literally. I realized two very important things too late as I flew through the air. One, he still held my staff in his hands; and two, I had been thrown away from shore. This fact was only further confirmed when I crashed through the surface of the water and kept sinking downward, flailing my arms as I clawed to return to the surface.

I didn't want to die... and this certainly wasn't how I wanted to go out. I had just begun my training as a Jedi, and I wanted to see it through. For once, my life had been completely up to me, and I had become a part of something so much greater than myself. I gritted my teeth, my lungs beginning to burn as I continued my efforts. Attempting to open my eyes through the sting of the salt water, I still couldn't see anything, darkness surrounding me as my feet brushed the sandy bottom. In that instant, if I could have, I would have cried. I wasn't going to last much longer, my lungs already on fire as I fought not to let my remaining air out.

Strangely enough, the things that I thought had mattered were not on my mind. Master Luke, General Organa, Chewie, BB-8, or even Finn; none of them were the faces I was picturing. As my senses dulled and bubbles of air slipped from my nose, I saw two images that had never occurred to me before. Images of things I never knew I wanted as badly as I did until this moment. The first image was of me standing in a white dress, smiling brightly as I strolled down an isle to the man waiting there at the end. It was simple, but perfect, and as if confirming my fate, that image melted away into something else. It was a brand new image. This one was of a little girl, no older than three respectively. Her hair was as black as night, her hazel eyes mirroring my own as she toddled toward me with an outstretched hand. I couldn't hear her voice, but as her happy, smiling mouth formed the word 'mommy' I desperately grasped for her outstretched hand. It was just out of my reach, and as my conscious slipped I thrashed as far forward as I could. Using all of my remaining strength, I felt my hand close around the hand in front of me, a holy peace I had never known before engulfing me as the hand I held tightened its grip around me. Losing myself in a black oblivion, I did not realize the hand that was gripping mine was not that of a three year old. Instead, it was much larger.

...

I never remember a time in my life when breathing had felt so pleasurable and so painful at the same time. As my lungs filled with precious air the toxic sea forced itself out of my mouth and nose in painful coughs. The sand beneath my hands and knees cut into my skin as I remained on all fours, expunging the remaining salt water out of my body. When the last heaving throws wracked my body I sighed, letting my forehead rest on the sand beneath me. I closed my eyes, trying to steady my raspy breathing to avoid another fit. My throat felt raw, and my lungs throbbed with every breath I forced in. I didn't care though, praising the Force that I was alive and not floating in a watery grave.

Before I had time to be too thankful however, the heavy breathing next to me caught my attention. As well as the choked, "Are you- alright?"

I flinched back like a spooked animal, my lungs screaming at the action. Resting on my haunches, refusing to choke and cough any further, I stared in shock at a sprawled out Kylo Ren. He was soaked to the bone much like I was, and covered in sand, gasping for breath as he stared up at the sky above him. When nothing but silence stretched on he gave me a side long glance, breathing improving but still heavy as he fumed, "You're telling me... you-you never learned how to kriffing swim? You almost died scavenger. Rule number one, never fight on ground where you have a disadvantage. In your case... in the water."

I blamed the lack of oxygen to my brain for my witless response of, "What?"

Sitting up slowly, hissing through his teeth and grabbing his left side, Kylo Ren mimicked my position and answered, "You still need a teacher apparently. I'll simplify that rule for you... until you learn how to swim, don't pick a fight two damn feet from an ocean! Son of a bantha! What if I hadn't been here? Then what? Reckless scavenger scum."

Only after this declaration did things click in my mind, and seeing as I was only capable of one word responses I shoved some dangling hair out of my eyes and asked, "Why?"

Looking at me as if I had just told him I was his sister, Kylo Ren demanded, "Why, what?"

Clearing my throat, nervous to know the answer, I gulped, "Why did you save me?"

Now it was his turn to be speechless, turning away from me quickly with a slight cough. Avoiding eye-contact he simply mumbled, "Because."

"Because why?" I demanded, scooting closer to him.

Turning his head sharply in my direction, he was stunned for a moment to suddenly be so close to me. His breath caught before he replied smoothly, "Because you are not getting off that easy, scavenger. You die when I say, and by my hand, no one else's. Especially not by a kriffing ocean, that's just pathetic."

Raising an eyebrow I offered, "Yet, here I am, sitting next to you and you aren't attacking me. You know you could have killed me as I regained consciousness, it would have been so easy. Why didn't you?"

"I don't want you dead yet," Kylo Ren hissed. "Force! Don't be grateful for me saving your life or anything; no, continue to question why I haven't killed you yet."

"I will until you tell me the truth." I replied confidently.

"I have," he said, looking away again. "I don't know what else you expect me to say. And if you continue to pester me about it I can very well re-sink your ungrateful ass and leave you there this time."

He attempted to stand but fell back down, holding firm to his side as swears in multiple languages slipped from his mouth like the junk traders I had met on Jakku. Placing a hand on his arm, I asked, "Are you alright? Has your wound not healed?"

Yanking his arm away from me he seethed, "It's fine, the wound recently closed, but it's not perfectly healed just yet. The strain... irritated it. I'll be fine."

Leaning closer, attempting to see if the wound had perhaps re-opened I thought out loud, "Shouldn't it have healed by now? It's almost been a month."

Scoffing he replied with a smirk, "Get blasted by a bowcaster and then come talk to me about how long it takes to heal."

I laughed, genuinely laughed, at his crude teasing. It sort of surprised me that he was able to joke like that, not seeming like the type. Tall, dark, and chaotic was what I pictured. Not this sopping wet, calm, cheeky man talking to me now. For a moment I wondered if this was perhaps the Ben Solo of Han Solo and Leia Organa's memories. Unknown to me, that thought was not as private as I assumed it was, jumping as Kylo seized me by the shoulders.

His fingers dug into my wet skin harshly, surely leaving marks. He shook me with each punctuation of his words, fuming, "I am Kylo Ren, not Ben Solo! Do you hear me? Ben Solo is dead, and no matter what he is never coming back! I'm too far gone in the Dark Side to be redeemed! I can't be redeemed! Not even for you, Rey. Do you understand that?"

Our gazes were locked, and in that moment I felt frozen in place, unable to do anything else but stare into his dark eyes. Then I felt it. There was a hole in his defense against my mind. I slipped in quickly, not feeling guilty over the intrusion when he had no problem pulling thoughts from my mind. Instantly I felt his uncertainty, his struggle with being committed to the Dark Side, as well as a grand secret he was keeping from everyone... even himself. He must have sensed my mind skirting around that secret, shoving me out with a force that made my head reel slightly. Before he could say anything regarding my intrusion I interjected, "Who are you trying to convince? Me... or yourself?"

His gaze didn't harden as I expected it to, and that is when I realized how intimate our position actually was. Sighing, he slowly brought his forehead down to rest against my own, confessing, "I don't know."

"You-... you called me Rey." I rambled, his proximity and influence affecting me in an entirely different way than what I was used to.

His eyes were closed I noticed. He seemed to process what I said before smirking, "I guess I did."

Swallowing thickly, I felt my mind return to my two previous visions. I wondered if perhaps the Force was trying to show me my future, help me discover my true path. As I sat here, soaking wet and pressed intimately close to the man who acted as my enemy with two names, I had a strange thought about our path's being intertwined. What if it was him? What if he was the one who was waiting for me at the end of that isle? What if our daughter had ink black hair like him and hazel eyes like mine?

Not entirely sure what I was doing, I used our proximity to my advantage, concentrating on every single detail of my visions and attempting to project them to him. I brought down my mental walls so he would instinctively jump at what I was revealing. I felt him tense, knowing he was seeing what I saw. His hands slipped from my shoulders to my forearms, holding fast as the first vision ended. When the second vision began I felt his body twitch, beginning to tremble as he tightened his grip almost painfully around my bicep. It wasn't controlling though, it was fearful, as if he would die if he let go of me. I didn't try to break loose, instead bringing my hands up to his arms, mirroring him as he absorbed the information I was giving him.

He finally stilled after another minute, cracking his eyes open halfway to stare into mine. I felt heat rise to my cheeks as I stared back, my eyes darting away to trace the familiar line of his scar. When my eyes returned to his I noticed his were not looking at my eyes now, but my lips. A bolt of panic ripped through me as my hand unintentionally tightened around the material of his shirt. His eyes flicked back to mine, and I realized I had half a second to make a decision about something that would deeply impact our future.

Kylo Ren's hand travelled up my arm, skimming up my neck to rest in my tangled hair, and I thought of backing away for a fleeting instant. Before I could decide to deny him or not he made the decision for me, crashing our lips together in a flurry. It felt awkward at first, since I had never kissed anyone before, but as that holy peace I experienced earlier flooded my veins I felt myself lean in closer. Our bodies were pressed together, closer than we have ever been, and as my arms snaked their way into his hair I couldn't deny how utterly right this felt.

I tried to rationalize in my mind how I probably shouldn't be doing this. He was with the First Order and I was with the Resistance, but as his tongue swiped at my bottom lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss I found that I couldn't care less who we were with. Parting my lips for him, I decided that all that mattered right now is who we are, and we were no more than a man and a woman. We fought for dominance until I, under this one circumstance, surrendered to him and allowed him to explore my mouth at his leisure.

However, lasting too long for us to be able to breathe and not long enough to feel satisfied, we suddenly broke apart. I felt that peace I felt earlier be replaced with uncertainty, staring into the thoughtful eyes of Kylo Ren. I bit my lip the longer the silence stretched on, which must have caught his attention as he suddenly pressed his lips to mine once again. It was gentler this time, and he pulled away again before it could become something other than innocent. That strange look on his face returned with a vengeance, like he was confused, trying to figure out the answer to a complicated problem.

Feeling his energy brush up against mine I reached out for his hand, lacing our fingers together and having that peace return. His eyes widened a fraction before I admitted, "Don't be afraid, I feel it too."

Echoing his own words brought this situation into perspective, causing me to instinctively disentangle our hands from each other. He looked wounded for a moment before quickly masking his disappointment. He ran a hand through his drying hair, sighing, "I want to know what this is between us. Why do I feel you galaxies away? And why do I feel like the man I should be when I'm near or touching you? It's agonizing!"

I shrugged, "I think we are connected somehow."

"Connected," Kylo Ren scoffed. "Things are never that simple. Two powerful force users on opposite sides of a battle are not just 'connected.' It's something deeper than that, something to do with the Force itself if I had to guess, but I have never heard of anything like this happening before."

We fell into silence again, and I leaned over to kiss him on his cheek, moving out of his reach quickly before stating firmly, "Thank you for saving me. You know that this changes nothing though."

Immediately I saw his cold mask return as his jaw tightened. He looked away from me, glaring at his hands in his lap before standing abruptly. I made no move to get up as he walked a few paces away, returning with my staff in-hand. He offered an end to me and I took it as he pulled me to my feet. What I hadn't counted on during this silent encounter was his deception, gasping as he jerked my staff back, pulling me towards him in the process.

Kylo Ren grinned wickedly as he mumbled against my lips, "Then you should learn never to trust me like that."

His mouth returned to mine and I huffed into the kiss, pushing onto my tip toes as my arms wrapped around his neck. I made a mental note of what he said, knowing that though we were intimate now, he could, and probably would, use my simple trust against me in battle if given the chance. As the kiss ended, my arms still wrapped around his neck, I felt him drop my staff and pull me in closer. Both of us were reluctant to release the other, knowing we would have to return to our roles eventually. I buried my head in the crook of his neck in defeat, his chin coming to rest on the top of my head.

After a moment his head lifted and I could feel his gaze burning through me, but I kept my eyes shut tightly, wanting to remain in this grey area a little longer. The desire to look at him was strong and I wondered if he was projecting that urge towards me, but still refused to act upon it. I just stayed still, not wanting to face the inevitable. Kylo Ren sighed, commanding softly, "Look at me."

I refused, not even bothering to answer him. I considered just backing away and leaving, but didn't want to seem like a coward. Then, my earlier suspicions were confirmed when that urge hit me once again, and that all too familiar voice in my head pleaded, Rey, look at me. Please.

I made a move to disentangle myself from him, but he held fast, not allowing me to even take a step back. So, I was left staring at his collarbone, feeling slight amusement roll off of him before his hands crept from their stilled position on my back. They relocated to my waist, picking me up in a single movement like I weighed nothing.

Our eyes were level now as he warned me in that familiar, superior tone, "You are wrong regarding where we stand... scavenger. I'll be back soon."

His lips quickly found mine again. Just like the two warring halves of the man, this kiss was the exact opposite of the one before. Gentle, careful, and reverent. That was, until he decided to bite down hard on my bottom lip. I cried out, pushing away from him as I brought a hand up to my mouth to see if I was bleeding. I was.

He smirked at me, turning to leave before calling over his shoulder, "Now, we're even. Don't take it too personally."

I snorted, "I won't."

In my mind I thought about what he said about me being wrong. Did what just happen change things between us? Maybe things aren't as black and white as they appear. Maybe... I shook my head, huffing as I slung my staff over my shoulder and began the trek back up the hillside. Suddenly I was very tired, trying to ignore the small hollow feeling inside of me now that he was leaving, missing the feel of his lips on mine. Fighting it as much as possible, arguing that it absolutely could not happen again, I wondered when he might be back.

As if sensing my inner turmoil I heard a voice in my head. It shocked me at first, the warm and familiar timber caressing me in a soothing manner as it answered, Soon.