I wish I could pretend I was high when I wrote this, or that someone had hijacked my computer, or something. But...I wrote it. Anyway, this is total crack...I hope you enjoy!

Also, someone that can draw, I sooo totally challenge you.

Artistic Differences

It was a rainy day in the ad hoc world of Brawl. Ike was beyond bored—usually on days like this at home, he would spend time with Mist or Soren and catch up on chores. But since none of those options were available, he had nothing to do.

The other brawlers had hobbies, or at least pastimes, he thought to himself morosely. All of Ike's life had been spent helping out with his father's mercenary company, training to be a part of that company, or, in his little free time, relaxing with the mercenaries. But even the various princes and princesses who lived in the mansion had ways to preoccupy their time. Ike had been surprised to learn that Zelda, whose kingdom had had more crises than Tellius (perhaps) knew how to play the piano quite well; that Peach, who ran her own castle and was forever getting snatched away by Bowser, was skilled in every domestic art under the sun; that the heroic prince of Altaea had a gift for mathematics which translated into a lot of scribbling, wadding up paper and sharpening pencils. Unfortunately, all of these were solitary pastimes, and, short of cleaning up the piles of discarded paper, turning pages, or holding the oven open, there was nothing he could do to participate.

Ike decided it was a good time to get to know the other smashers. Determined to be cheerful and outgoing, he walked up to Mario and Luigi where they sat staring intently at something. "Hey guys," he said, "what's going on?"

"Mmm," was their only reply. Since they were obviously deeply focused on whatever it was they were doing, Ike left them alone.

Falco, Sonic and Fox were playing what looked like an extremely violent game on the TV. "HEADSHOT!" shouted Sonic. Ike jumped back about fifty feet. "Oh man, I totally pwned you!"

Ike had enough violence participating in brawls. He backed off.

Link and Snake were playing what looked like a card game. "I can't believe you conned me into this," Snake commented. "I haven't played since I was like, thirteen."

"It's so hard finding someone to play with!" said Link happily. "I tried to get Zelda to bring her green deck but she insists that she has 'grownup' things to do." He sulked. "Then I tried to get her to give me her rares, but you'd think I was asking for like, her virginity or something."

"Man, that's rough," said Snake, catching sight of Ike and rolling his eyes. Ike gestured towards the cards with a questioning look and Snake shook his head. Ike left before Link could convince him to play…whatever it was.

"NO PIKACHU GIVE ME YOUR ARCEUS!" someone was screaming in the next room. It sounded like either Ness or Lucas. "I GAVE YOU MY HO-OH AND IT TOOK ME LIKE FIFTY TRIES TO GET THAT WITHOUT USING A CONTINUE!"

"Now calm down everyone. Can't we just all be nice?" Jigglypuff's voice said. Ike sighed. There was really nothing to do…

In the common room, Samus seemed to be leading some sort of meditation. "Now feel the power running through you," she said to her apt audience—which consisted of ROB and Captain Falcon (whose blatant interest in her guaranteed he'd never be far away.)

"I can feel it!" he shouted, excitedly. "Did you channel your aura?"

Ike gave up and decided to eat an early lunch.

He pondered what he would eat for a long, long time in the kitchen, then walked sloooooowly to the dining room. "Maybe I should bring Marth some lunch," he said to himself. But he didn't quite know what Marth would like…

He stopped. The dining room was a disaster. It looked like the time that Pikachu had eaten too much sugar and gone on a rampage. Poor Metaknight still flinched every time she clapped her hands like that.

There were papers everywhere. The table was covered in papers, pencils, and paints. Ike could hear something rustling under the table.

"Umm, hello?" he asked cautiously.

"Oh hey—OW!" It was Pit and he had whacked his head on the table while trying to say hi.

"Umm, hi." Ike was pretty much stunned. Pit's usually neat white toga looked like a preschooler's coloring project. He even had paint smeared on his wings, giving them kind of a rainbow effect. Someone had either tried to tattoo his body or camouflage it, and there was even a wayward paper stuck to his back.

"Uhh, what…" Ike couldn't really think of anything to say. Pit was usually a bit odd, but this had exceeded his expectations…

"Oh!" said Pit. "My matches were cancelled, so I decided to get some drawing in. I haven't had much time for it lately and I had this crazy idea…"

Ike's brain stuck on the 'crazy' part. "I didn't know you were an artist," he said noncommittally.

"Yeah, it's really relaxing," said Pit, despite the fact that he looked like an advertisement for LSD.

Ike peered at the papers. "So, what are you working on?"

"Well, it's kind of…a comic strip. About us."

"Oh!" he said, the random pictures starting to make sense now. "Wow, these are really good." Some of the strips were really quite funny; his favorite was a picture of Jigglypuff using her final smash and Diddy Kong offering her a bottle of Pepto Bismol. "Hey, did you make one with me?"

"Well," said Pit, "I was trying to make one for everyone, and I thought I'd do yours with Marth's, since you're roommates…but…I'm not quite sure where I'm going with what I have so far."

"Let me see it then," said Ike, happy to have something to do.

"Are you sure?" Pit asked. His voice was a bit higher-pitched than usual. "I mean, it really is a work in progress…"

"Nah, your other stuff is great!" said Ike. "I understand that it's not finished…let me help you with it."

"Oooookay," said Pit. Taking in a shaky breath, he dived back under the table and handed his buried treasure to Ike.

"……….."

It was a very true to life depiction, was his first coherent thought. In fact, it was so true to life that he wondered about the 'innocent' angel. Since the only thing he was wearing was Marth's tiara. But the worst part was the fact that a certain bunny-hooded head was visible peering out near his shoulder. He recognized that hair and those barely visible sapphire eyes. Worst of all, the bunny hood appeared to be asking, "Shinshitsu wa doko des ka?"

His eyes flicked back to his exhibitionist pose. This, thankfully, rebooted his completely broken brain functions.

"WHERE IS…THE BEDROOM??????????????" he finally shouted.

Pit looked like he was about to wet himself. A nervous grin appeared on his face. "Tee hee hee," he said, willing Ike to think it was funny.

"WHEN DID YOU SEE ME NAKED?"

"EEee! Um, it was just my, uhh, imagination."

"YOUR JAPANESE IS HORRIBLE!"

"But…you understood it!" Pit started frantically looking around for an escape route. Unfortunately, there was only one way out of the dining room…and it was currently blocked by a very violated-feeling swordsman.

"WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING ABOUT ME AND MARTH?" Ike seemed to have forgotten how to speak in an 'indoor' voice. Thankfully, no one was listening besides the terrified angel and the smug picture.

"Well…I just thought it would be, you know, funny, since, you know, you room together annnnnnnd, well, um…" Pit's voice became inaudible to human ears.

"WELL WHAT?"

"You two look so…cute together."

"WE ARE NOT TOGETHER!" Ike drew his sword. "THAT'S IT, PREPARE YOURSELF!!!!!!"

"AHHHHHH!" Pit screamed, sounding more girly than usual. With deft speed he flew over Ike's head. A thousand papers blocked Ike's vision long enough for Pit to get a head start.

Link and Snake looked up from their never-ending game. "Wow," said Link. "You've got to admire Ike's determination. Training inside the mansion? He never stops."

"Hmm," Snake said, listening curiously to the shouting that accompanied Ike's training. "I don't think I've ever heard him use that battle cry, though. 'I'll pluck your feathers like they're berries?' Can't say it's that intimidating…it sounds too…forced."

"He must be trying out new battle sayings," Link agreed. His eyes flicked back to the array of cards. "Anyway," he said, "I attack you for six!"

(Much much later)…

Usually Ike was neat in his appearance. Even after a fight, he took a moment to refresh himself and put his clothes back in order.

So Marth was shocked when Ike arrived back in the room covered in…paint, feathers and shreds of paper. He looked like someone's failed school project about a brightly colored tropical bird. His hair, which had traces of red paint in it, was everywhere, and his clothes were ripped and dirty.

"What happened to you?"

"Don't wanna talk about it," muttered Ike. "Shower."

Marth was concerned, but he didn't know if he could do anything, so he went back to his equations. "This doesn't make any sense," he told the paper.

"Marth!" Ike's head was sticking out the bathroom door. The shower had already started.

Marth whirled around. "What is it?" he asked.

"Just…out of curiosity…would you ever let someone wear your tiara?"

Marth was soooo confused. "Huh?"

"Um…no matter," Ike said, and disappeared back into the bathroom.

Did you like it? I admit, I didn't know exactly where it was going at first but...even though Ike is a bit anger-managementesque, I thought it was worth it.