Hey guys!
Back with another short one-shot, this time centered around Stef and Callie. I am working on chapter 5(?) of Serendipity right now, and hopefully it shouldn't take much longer - a week at most. As usual, feel free to send any fic requests, I have a few right now that I will get to work on when I have the time to!
She was washing the dishes when she felt it coming.
It had been a few weeks by now, so Stef had started to become familiar with the growing feeling of anxiety as one of her panic attacks began to creep up on her. The woman closed her eyes and stopped what she was doing, willing herself to breathe deeply – in through the nose, out through the mouth.
In through the nose, out through the mouth.
In through the nose, out through the mouth.
Despite the mantra she repeated in her head, she could still feel the trembling of her body as her anxiety bubbled underneath the surface. She turned her body around, resting her hands in the edge of the sink, still trying to breathe deeply and will the panic away. But she had no such luck.
The blonde dragged her wobbly legs over to the table and sat down on one of the stools, putting her head into her hands. There was no fighting this attack off – she was just going to have to ride it ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton wool, so she missed the sound of the front door opening as her eldest daughter came home. Everyone else was out for one reason or another — the three youngest were at school, her wife at work and her eldest with his girlfriend — therefore so far, she had powered through the panic attack uninterrupted. Until now.
"Mom, I'm home!" Callie had called from the threshold of the front door as she entered the house. The girl frowned when she received no response, "Mom?"
Still receiving no response, the teenager shrugged and went to the kitchen. She told herself her Mom must just be in the back yard or something, since she knew she had to day off and her car was still parked outside. She would've missed the older woman if it wasn't for the gasping breaths and the quiet sobs she was letting out.
Callie instantly rushed over to her Mom as she recognised the tell-tale signs of a panic attack — after all, she had suffered from them for a while, too, and still did from time to time. Although she was confused as to why her Mom was suffering from one right now, she knew she had to put that aside to help her through the episode.
"Momma?" She called as she sat down next to the woman, gently laying her hand on her shoulder as to not startle her, "can you hear me?"
When the blonde didn't turn to the sound of her voice, she carefully took one of her hands and squeezed it, holding it tight.
Her head looked round this time, seeing the young girl sat next to her with worried eyes. She hated that she had caused one of her babies to worry about her. They didn't deserve to know how much of a mess she was at the moment, and they didn't deserve to see her go through this. Especially not Callie after all that she had been through. If her Mom couldn't hold it together, how could she expect her to?
"I–I'm fine, baby. D–don't worry about me," she stuttered, trying to wave her off, but her daughter wasn't having it.
"Bullshit, Mom," the brunette cursed, not apologising for her language, "you're not but that's okay. I'm here. Just follow me."
Stef watched as her daughter took in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and let it go before repeating the process. After watching her a few times, she copied her. It took a few minutes of hiccupped breaths and shaky gasps, but eventually the panic left her body and her racing heart began to slow. She continued the method as her eldest daughter got up to grab a glass of water and a cold wet towel, placing the drink in front of her and wiping at her clammy forehead. It was then that she realised just her grown up her baby was, and just how proud of her she had become.
The cool water was soothing to her throat, dry from the gasping and panicked breaths she had just had. She was grateful that her daughter had come home at that moment, or she knew the panic attack would've lasted much longer.
"You okay?" Callie said softly after a few moments, placing the wet rag down on the table.
"I'm great, baby. Thanks to you," the blonde smiled.
"Panic attacks suck," her daughter laughed, looking down, "but they don't last. They're easier when you have someone to help you."
Stef smiled sadly at her daughter, pulling her in for a tight hug. She wrapped her arms tightly round the girl, placing one hand on the back of her head as she placed a few gentle kisses above her ear. Her daughter held her tightly back.
The teenager pulled away when she felt wet something drop onto her shoulder, realising it was tears from her mother's eyes. Frowning, she began to speak.
"What's the matter?" She asked. She hated seeing her Mom cry. Her Mom was so strong and to see her cry broke her heart in a way that was hard to understand. It was not that she saw her as any weaker, but for her mother to cry openly like that meant that she was really struggling with something.
"I'm just thinking about how proud I am of you," the woman confessed, prompting a scoff from her eldest daughter, "I mean it, Cal. You have been through so much and each day I am so proud of you. I feel awful that me and Mama just sent you off to a therapist when you had your panic attacks. I wish we could've helped you more, but we didn't know how to. Mama might have her degree on Child Psychology, but learning about panic attacks and witnessing them with your own daughter are two very different things."
"You don't have to be sorry," Callie reassured her, "It's hard to know what to do if they're not something you go through yourself or have experience with. I wasn't mad. You did more for me than anyone else would've."
"I know. I just felt inadequate as a mother that I couldn't make my own daughter feel better when she was hurting," Stef sighed, "it's hard enough as it is without having to feel like you're going through it alone."
"But I wasn't going through it alone, Momma," her daughter replied, "I had you and I had mama and I had all the rest of the crazy lot. You've done more for me than I could've ever hoped for and I'll never stop being grateful."
The detective smiled at the confession, once again pulling the young girl for a tight embrace. They held each other for a few moments, holding each other together after a short emotional talk. Stef eventually separated from her daughter, pulling her off the stool and taking her to the living room.
Within ten minutes they were curled up in the sofa, wrapped in blankets and with their hands wrapped around mugs of hot cocoa. A large bowl of sweet popcorn sat between them as the opening sequence of Little Miss Sunshine began. It was a film that had quickly become known as their film when they had both been home sick with the flu. Lena had insisted she stayed home from work to look after her two girls, but her wife hadn't let her. Callie had never seen the film and it was one of Stef's favourites, so she had made the young watch it and she had instantly fallen in love.
"We haven't had Callie and Mom time in ages," the teenager commented as she took a sip from her drink.
"We definitely need to fix that," the blonde spoke, pulling her daughter into her side and kissing the side of her head, "and you promise you'll come to me if you're struggling with anything?"
"Only if you promise the same," she said, looking up at her Mom.
"Deal," the woman smiled, turning back to the screen, her daughter snuggling in closer, enjoying the comfort of her mother's arms.