Falcon's Help
I awoke to someone screaming at the top of their lungs. I sit straight up and sigh; Barnes. His room is right next to mine at the compound, so every time he has a nightmare, I hear it. I pull back the covers to my bed and walk out of my room to Bucky's door, then I pound on the door with my fist: HARD.
"Damnit Barnes! Open up!" I yell to be door. I hear muffled voices from inside the room, he must still be asleep.
"Barnes! Come on man!" I yell a little louder. I'll just get Tony to unlock the door. I turn to get Tony when Bucky opens his door.
"Wilson?" He says to me. I turn back around to see a shaken man, holding onto the door frame for dear life.
"Everything OK in there?" I ask him. Barnes shakes his head no.
"Another nightmare..." Barnes says. I sigh and roll my eyes.
"If you want me to tuck you into bed like a little kid assassin, then you have the wrong guy," I tell him. He looks up straight into my eyes. Damn. Barnes is an asshole like that.
"Fine!" I say. Barnes gives a small smile and motions me inside. Barnes keeps a very clean room for a 100-year-old killer, like schools in the 30's taught kids it's a great thing to have a clean room, even if you are 100 years old. Barnes is also a kid- literally he has a bunk bed in his room with a fort on the bottom full of nerf guns. You can't even see the bed in the bottom bunk, but he says there's a spot where he sits to re-load his nerd guns, so he can fire them at the walls.
Barnes swings up to the top bunk with his arms like a monkey. I look around for somewhere to sit- all I find is a small brown ottoman in the corner of the room.
"I'm not gonna help ya if you're up there," I say to the top bunk. Barnes swings down from his perch to land on the floor in front of me, barely making a sound. I have a psycho sitting in front of me, staring at me as if he was expecting something.
"So, you had a nightmare," I start. Barnes nods his head.
"What was it about?" I ask.
"The same thing, Winter Soldier stuff. This time I was back in the 40's on my last mission with Steve where I was dangling outside of the train ya know? Well he reaches out his hand for me to grab it and this time I do. He pulls me up on the train unharmed, but out of my shadow the Winter Soldier pulls me away from Steve, almost like we switched places. I was now his shadow and he was me. I saw the look of horror on Steve's face as I revealed the metal arm," Barnes says, moving his arm so it glinted in the light, and so the panels clicked together. "Then the Winter Soldier started to fight Steve, all while Steve kept asking for me to come back. I was right in the Soldiers shadow screaming for that monster me to stop. Finally, that monster takes its gun and shoots, then we trade places- the Winter Soldier was gone, and I was me again. Steve was dead though..." Barnes stops.
This is way out of my comfort zone, I mean we're talking about a guy who dreams of killing his best friend. How uncomfortable it is for me to talk about his nightmares and tell him it's OK. I can do it with the other Avengers; Tony has his little problems from time to time, and even Natasha needs reassurance- but I always get uncomfortable when I help Barnes.
Look, Barnes..." I stop myself before I continue. Both of us get uncomfortable when we call each other by our first names. Steve insists that we should get better with calling each other by our first names, but neither of us can. It just doesn't seem right to call him "Barnes" though if I'm helping him with a personal problem.
"Bucky, I understand how hard it is to lose a friend. When I lost Riley... when I lost Riley I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't have saved him. But remember that Steve is ok, and what you did as the Winter Soldier wasn't you, it's time you stopped blaming yourself for what you had no choice but to do it. That nightmare sounds hard for you, no wonder you were screaming, but that doesn't mean it's real. Bucky, look at your shadow. No one is there. It's just you- there is no Winter Soldier to worry about." Barnes is staring straight at his shadow, searching for nothing, hoping there is nothing.
"You're right Wilson." Barnes says after a while. They make me smile a little bit.
"Think you can go to bed now?" I suggest. Barnes nods his head and swings up to the top bunk. I stand and push the ottoman to the corner where I found it and walk to the door. I almost turn out the light before Barnes speaks.
"Good night Sam," he says like a little kid.
"Good night Bucky," I respond. I turn off the light and walk back to my room.