I lay in the grass of my backyard and with my eyes closed. I seem to come out here a lot lately just to think and be alone. Since I came home from the Games everyone looks at me differently. Even my family. I even look at me differently. Maybe its because they are worried if they say or do the wrong thing I will shut down and stop talking all together. Maybe they are right. Its hard to believe that only six months ago I was in the arena fighting for my life. Now I am victor. And I am suppose to feel happy about it, but unfortunately winning has brought about many emotions and none of them are happiness. Guilt, filth, and regret follow my every move. I find that I have to take it one day at a time or I might just fall apart completely. Everyone says I should be happy that I am alive and I am, but not like this. Guilt is the emotion that eats at me the most, just thinking of the number of people I killed and lives that were lost at the hands of others, so I could win the games. People, kids like myself that did nothing to deserve their untimely death. It was forced upon them by their names being drawn, but I was entered differently I volunteered for my sister.
My name is Raya Owen. I am 16 and I volunteered to represent District 2 in the Hunger Games. Volunteering in my District is expected, especially if you are the youngest child and are eligible to enter. My sister Glitter's name was called to enter the Games, but because I am younger and she was promised to the mayor's son, I was expected to volunteer. I never wanted to but, I had no choice. I can still remember every detail of the day that changed my fate forever.
It started out like every other day in my home. My mother the owner a small apothecary shop opened her doors promptly at seven in the morning as always to help those less fortunate. My mother is a warm kind women who cares for everyone, this is part of the reason we live in one of the biggest houses in our district so that mom has place for her patients to heal. My father is the Head Peace Keeper in our district. Because of his job my family had to move from our original home in District 1 when Glitter and I were young here to District 2. We are one of the few families in Panem to be allowed to move districts since the Dark Days. Glitter and I were both too young to remember District 1, but Mom tells us her family still lives there. Because of my father's position in our District, some of the other families hated my sister and I come reaping time, but after last year's reaping when my sister was selected and I volunteered for her they now see that my family is not above the law. We can be reaped into the Games even though our father is the head of the law in our District.
As I lay here thinking and day dreaming, my mind starts to wander. I start to think about the events leading up to the reaping, especially the day of. Reaping Day is a day of honor in my District, this is because from age 8 if you show promise you start training for the Games. District 2 is what the outlying districts call a Career District because of this training. When Glitter and I were old enough, we were both sent to training school because of the promise of victory we showed; Glitter with her hand to hand combat and me with my ability to throw knives and spears as well as my speed. I was one of the fastest runners in my year at the training school and my accuracy with knives and spears made me deadly. I enjoyed training school, but I never wanted to use my knowledge to cut someone's life short. I know that I was being trained for this very reason, to kill others in order to bring honor and glory to family and my District, but besides Reaping Day every year it doesn't cross my mind. Because we are a Career District, we rarely have use for the reaping bowls provided by the District, usually everyone is volunteering for their chance to be in the Games, but this year was different. This year the Capital required us to use the reaping bowl. I guess it's just another way to show us that we don't control our future, they do.