Pretend Poverty
It was a regular day at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob was flipping patties and Squidward was sleeping on the job. Mr. Krabs was in his office and he noticed something was wrong; his wallet was hungry.
"SPONGEBOB! SQUIDWARD! Get over here," called Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob and Squidward entered the office.
"What is the matter, sir?" SpongeBob asked.
"Me wallet is hungry and not a lot of customers showed up. What are we going to do?"
"I know," SpongeBob said optimistically, "I'll make it a Kraby patty that tastes like a million!"
"No, SpongeBob," Mr. Krabs replied, "Wallets do not eat patties."
"Then how about nachos or hot wings?" said SpongeBob.
"SpongeBob, you are missing the point. Me wallet is hungry for money," Mr. Krabs said.
"Why don't you feed the wallet money from your safe then?" teased Squidward as he laughed nasally.
"Then me safe would be hungry," Mr. Krabs replied.
That evening after work, Mr. Krabs caught a poor fish, dressed in rags, begging for money and people giving him some.
"I feel really terrible for you," said a teal female fish wearing a purple dress and heels, "Here, have two hundred dollars. The woman handed the poor man two one hundred-dollar bills.
"Oh, thank you, ma'am. You are to kind," the poor fish said.
This gave Mr. Krabs an idea. He found a dumpster near a building and jumped into it. He searched until he could find an old jacket that was torn at the sleeves and a faded, dark gray t-shirt covered in a few holes. He also found a long tangled black wig that smelled like poop and a pair of jeans that were ripped at the knees. He changed into it all in the nearest bathroom, while nobody was looking. When Mr. Krabs got out, he walked out to the street, held out a cup, and tried hard to look sad.
Fred, the my leg guy, came up to him and said, "Aww, that is so sad. Here have this one hundred-dollar bill."
"Thank you, sir for your kind support," Mr. Krabs said trying his hardest to act pitiful. As soon as Fred left, Mr. Krabs giggled and said, "People can be so gullible," and did his pirate laugh, "Ar ar ar!"
After that, Mr. Krabs went to Mrs. Puff's house. "I am homeless and I can't afford food," Mr. Krabs said, "and you wouldn't want me to go hungry."
"Well, even though I have a lot of hospital bills thanks to that sponge, who shall not be named, I could still give you what I can," Mrs. Puff said pulling a couple of dollars out of her wallet.
"Oh thank you so much," Mr. Krabs said, "I am so lucky that there are people as generous as you."
"Oh it was nothing," Mrs. Puff said.
"Well I have other people to trick . . . er mean I have a family to support, so I will see you around," Mr. Krabs said.
"Okay, I will see you around also," Mrs. Puff said, "Wait did you just say you were tricking people?"
Mr. Krabs then said nervously, "Ugh, I have to go," and started running.
"WAIT UNTIL I CALL THE COPS ON YOU!" Mrs. Puff yelled.
Mr. Krabs kept running until he was out of breath. "Phew," he said, "What a close one! Now, who will I trick next?" Mr. Krabs then tapped his chin until a light bulb appeared over his head. "I've got it; I will trick Patrick next," he said, "After all, he is pretty dumb enough to believe that I am poor."
Mr. Krabs then walked to Patrick's rock and knocked on the door.
"Hello?" said Patrick answering the door, "Who are you?"
"I am a poor man and I am low on cash," Mr. Krabs said.
"What is cash and what does poor mean?" Asked Patrick.
"Poor means not having money and cash is money," explained Mr. Krabs.
"What's money?" Asked Patrick, "and why are you here again?" Mr. Krabs then did a face palm. "Never mind," he said as he left.
Patrick then went back under his rock, as soon as Mr. Krabs left.
Mr. Krabs went to Squidward's house next, but Squidward just did his nasal laugh. "Why would I give you any money?" He said.
"Because I'm poor," Mr. Krabs replied.
"Poor?" Squidward said back as he laughed.
Mr. Krabs then said, "You are so insensitive! How can you live with yourself?"
"I don't know. I am just born that way," Squidward said snobbishly.
Mr. Krabs then said, "That is fine, I will find money elsewhere!"
Mr. Krabs then went to Sandy's tree dome.
"I know it is you, Mr. Krabs!" Sandy said. The reason she knew this was due to being the smartest person in Bikkini Bottom.
"I don't know who you are talking about," said the crab, " I am just a poor man in need of money."
"You are just saying that just so people will give you money," Sandy replied, "How rich do you want to be? You are already rich enough. You are such a money glutton!" Sandy then pressed the eject button that she installed and Mr. Krabs went flying in the air.
Later on, Mr. Krabs went downtown to beg for money. By the end of the day, he had a butt load of money. He went back to the bathroom where he change his clothes and put his normal clothes back on.
Mr. Krabs then went home and the next morning he pretended to be poor again and decided to trick the most naïve person in Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob Squarepants.
"Aww...I feel terribly sorry for you," SpongeBob said, "Here is all my money I have earned working at the Krusty Krab." SpongeBob then handed the cheap skate a bag of money.
That is when Sandy appeared. "STOP!" She yelled, "Don't give that guy one penny. He is not a poor man. He's..." Sandy removed the ragged wig off of Mr. Krabs' head, "Mr. Krabs . . . and he has enough money to buy another house. SpongeBob, I am telling you, Mr. Krabs went all over town trying to trick people into giving him money!"
A crowd of people then came circling around Mr. Krabs. "I knew you were trouble when you walked in," Fred said to Mr. Krabs.
A policeman from the crowed then walked up to Mr. Krabs and said, "Sir, you are under arrest for impersonating a poor person to get money.
"Wait, how did you know?" Mr. Krabs replied.
"Oh, a squirrel and a puffer fish told me," the policeman said.
He then placed handcuff on the crab's arms and made him get into the cop car. As soon as the cop started driving, Mr. Krabs yelled from the window, "I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS SANDY AND MRS. PUFF! I SWEAR!"
Everyone then walked off to go on about their lives.
The End