They were all crying tears , they were falling from every direction; she had done it. Rachel Berry had killed herself.
She remembers hearing it and not believing it was true; it must have been some sort of mistake. Rachel Berry was happy, she was talented; she was just voted MVP.
Tina just sat there as sobs racked her frame and the tears oozed from her eyes without any sign of stopping. Rachel was happy, so how could she kill herself?
"It's not fucking true!" Puck shouted kicking over a chair as he walked into the choir room for practice, seeing everyone with stoic looks. "It can't be. "
Will's heart was ripped in two. Rachel was dead and she was never coming back. "Guys I think…." He tried to speak to the students looking up at him with wide eyes but he couldn't get the words out.
"Why?" Mercedes cried looking up at the teacher in devastation "Why did she do it?"
Will just looked at all the tear stained faces and shook his head "We'll never know you guys."
"I can't believe she's really gone." Mike cried burying his head in Tina's neck as their sobs mixed together.
It was a cold March night in Ohio. The frozen rain was falling on the people's heads that had come to support Rachel's fathers and send Rachel off on the night of her death. With Candles in hand the students stared off into space giving hugs and whispering "It'll be okay" and "I cannot believe she's gone."
"I would like to start off by saying I don't know why Rachel did what she did." A woman with short blonde hair started, "I am Hiram's best friend, and Rachel was like a daughter to me. "Rachel was such a kind hearted and beautiful girl; she cared for anybody and everybody." The woman stopped to squeeze the men's hands and get her breathing under control. "I loved Rachel with all my heart and I know that she wouldn't want us to cry right now. The Rachel I knew would probably give me a twenty minute lecture about wasting a tear on her." The woman stopped again to let out a strangled sob. "If Rachel could see how many people she's brought together tonight I know she wouldn't have done what she did."
The sobs couldn't be controlled at that point, because it was true Rachel had brought every person and every group together.
"I would like to read Rachel's suicide notes." Hiram Berry spoke softly, he was clearly in shock; his eyes were glazed over as if the realization that his little star was really gone hadn't hit him yet. Clearing his throat Hiram started " I am so sorry. I am not sure how these things work but I am truly sorry, to my very core, I don't want you to blame yourselves Dad and Daddy; the two of you were the best parents that any child could ever ask for, I just couldn't take it anymore. I hate myself and I hate the world were living in and I wish I could be stronger for you. I wish I could have been stronger. I wish I could have been the daughter you deserved. I know you loved me and I loved you too. I don't know where I'm going, but I know wherever it is I'll be okay. I don't want you to blame yourselves because you're love was always enough for me. I love you forever and ever even in death.
To the Glee Club, what can I say; we started off Rocky in the beginning. All of us were misfits in some way or another and I know that things will be hard for Nationals, but I also know that you can do it without me. I want to thank you for being there these past six months, I couldn't have done it without you guys and I certainly wouldn't have lasted as long as I have. I will miss each and everyone of you and I hope that someday you can visit me in heaven okay?" The letter ended and the room was deathly silent; no one knew that Rachel had been in so much internal pain that she had wanted to die on a daily basis.
Leroy Berry cleared his throat and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I would like to talk about the good times and our memories of little Rachel."
Kurt was the first one to walk to the long picnic bench and hug the two men who had become mentors of sorts. "Rachel was my best friend and I just saw her yesterday. The two of us had met for coffee and we were laughing…" Kurt choked out as Leroy rubbed his back and he tried to gain his composure. "We were laughing and she told me that she wanted to be my roommate at NYU. I loved Rachel with all of my heart and a piece of me will always be with her."
Mercedes came up next and smiled through the tears welled in her eyes "Rachel and I were common divas, we were always competing with each other but we were always friends. I remember just last week I was going to sing I wanna dance with somebody and she told me that would be fine, if she got to sing some Barbra. " The room laughed slightly and the young woman continued "I think Rachel forced me to watch funny girl at least thirty times during our friendship." The laughter continued as all remembered the small girls love for Barbra Streisand. Mercedes wiped the tears from her eyes and turned to look at a picture of her and Rachel doing matching diva poses. "I'll always remember that Rachel Berry was one of my best friends."
Tina made her way to the picnic table next and hugged the two men she had gotten to know so well over the past years. "I remember when I moved here and I was eight; I had no friends," Tina started "no one would talk to me until one day a little brunette with long pigtails came up to me. Rachel and I were friends ever since." Tina stopped and cried for a few seconds into Kurt's shirt, " I cannot believe…I just miss her so much already and I just wish she would have talked to me or somebody." The children from William McKinley High stood in that park that night huddled tightly and thought about Rachel, they would never forget the girl who they hadn't realized was amazing until she was gone.
"Puck are you okay?" Mercedes as she walked into the choir room and saw the strong boy curled in on himself crying.
" I don't want her to be gone. I just want her to come back." Puck cried into his hands as his muscular frame convulsed painfully with the sobs rocking his body.
Mercedes put a reassuring hand on her teammates shoulder "I miss her too Puck, we were friends but I know she wouldn't want us mourning her death."
"I'll never forgive her for this Mercedes." Puck told her as he sat wiping his eyes and turning to a person that was in worse pain than himself. "I will never forgive her for taking herself away from all of us."
"I never will either Puck." Mercedes agreed.
They had group therapy that day after school where Blaine, Kurt, Wes , and David were called to come because they had been her friends too. The psychologist sat there and shot the emotionally exhausted teenagers question after question.
"Let's start off with talking about suicide and how you feel about it." The psychologist suggested as she looked to Mike to start off.
"I can't be angry at someone who commits suicide. I mean I think someone must have been in a lot of pain to actually take their own life." The lanky Asian said softly as the tears cascaded down his face and he squeezed Tina's hand.
Tina smiled and agreed with her boyfriend. "I agree, I mean you think they must be gone already when they've decided to write the letter ,that they can't even rationalize it in their minds."
The psychologist nodded her head in understanding and turned towards the next person in the circle.
"I am angry." Sam said harshly "I cannot believe that someone could be so selfish to inflict that kind of pain on the people that actually care about them."
Kurt stood up immediately pointing his finger at the bleach blond. "Shut up can't you see that she was in pain? What is it to you anyways ?I don't think you ever even said five words to her Sam." Kurt took a gulp of air and turned back towards the boy angry "You weren't friends and I don't even know why you're here."
Sam snapped at that moment too,standing and facing the smaller boy. "You think I don't feel guilty that I wasn't a friend to her, that I didn't wish I would've stopped and said 'Hi' to her in the hallways or gotten a bite to eat after glee rehearsals. " Sam stopped and sat back down in his chair " I feel incredibly horrible and the worst part is that I can't change anything. You were her friend and you got to help her and give her good times I never had the chance."
"Guys were supposed to be helping each other." Will spoke calmly from his place next to a crying Brittany. "Rachel would've wanted us as a united front." The teacher then turned to the observing psychologist "Let's talk about something else shall we?"
The woman nodded her head and turned to another person who looked deeply affected…Finn." How did you feel when you heard about it?"
Finn looked up from staring at his hands, his eyes glazed and unseeing " I didn't believe it. I thought it must have been a rumor, but I guess she is gone." The normally bold voice was now quiet and monotonous and Finn just looked incredibly lost.
"That would've been a terrible rumor, did you really think someone would make that up?" The woman asked bringing her palms together and placing them at her lips.
Finn frowned deeply and looked up ,the glaze thinning from his eyes and showing his true heartbreak "I wanted it to be a rumor, if Rachel's dead how am I supposed to go on without her?"
"You can Finn," Blaine told the boy sitting down next to him softly, "You'll go on because that's what she'd want; She always wanted you to make something of yourself so that's exactly what you'll do."
The psychologist nodded in understanding to Blaine's words and stood up. "Well guys the school is going to be locked up in about five minutes and I know tomorrow is the funeral so we'll get together first thing in the morning on Monday.
The teens looked after the woman in shock wasn't she supposed to make them feel better?
"Kurt we have to get going to the funeral buddy." Burt told his son who was sitting in the living room in a state of catatonia. Waking over to his son Burt grabbed him into a hug. "I know how hard this is for you buddy, just know how much I love you and how much I loved that little girl.."
Kurt looked up with red eyes and a stuffed nose, his eyes still unseeing. "I love you too Dad."
Finn joined in the room with a sobbing Carle behind him and the family of four left, wishing they weren't on their way to the funeral of a girl who they loved so much.
"Oh Noah," Deborah Puckerman cried as her seventeen year old son walked into the kitchen with tears streaming down his face, his black suit making him look so much older than his seventeen years. "Oh baby I am so so so sorry." Deborah whispered as she wrapped her arms around her grown son. "I love you angel."
"I love you too Ma, but I don't think I can go to this funeral." He mumbled slowly.
Deborah sat her son down at the kitchen table and kneeled down next to him grabbing his large calloused hands in her delicate ones. "I know how hard this is going to be Noah, but if you don't go and say goodbye you'll regret it for the rest of your life."
Noah knew it was true, but he was terrified of seeing her body; her small and oh so cold body.
We thought that you were happy
by Unknown Author
We thought that you were happy,
we must have all been blind,
we didn't know your suffering
we didn't know your mind,
you have left all our hearts aching
and we are not sure how we'll cope
if only you had talked it over
we may have found you hope …
We thought that you were happy
but yours was a troubled mind
hardly a hint, hardly a clue
how could we be so blind ?
You chose to go from this place
and onto somewhere new
may you find peace at last
our love goes with you too….
Tina whimpered softly as she read the poem on the small card that housed Rachel's picture. The words printed on the car were in loving memory of Rachel Barbra Berry December 21, 1994- March 22, 2011. The card wasn't even her body and she was already crying into her boyfriends shoulder and he sobbed and shook with the heartbreak.
Mercedes joined the hug with the couple as soon as she saw the card, she couldn't believe it, this was real they were about to see the body.
That feeling of absolute dread hit everyone in the funeral home with dread. They had made Rachel look beautiful, her hair perfectly curled and wearing a beautiful navy blue dress and white sweater. Rachel had on her star necklace as it glistened and shined, her lips were red and her skin was free from any blemish or impediment, but her eyes were closed; those deep chocolate brown eyes would never see again. They had put her MVP trophy into her casket as if she were clutching it in her sleep, rather than having it lay at her side in death. Rachel Berry was dead and this shell of a human being cemented that fact.
It is hard for me to put into words the grief I am feeling. It is every parent's worst nightmare to bury their child, and today, I am faced with that nightmare.
"I remember the day Rachel was born ,as if it were yesterday. She was born three weeks early and it gave Hiram and I quite a fright. Rachel was a little fighter however, at five pounds three ounces and she came home with us two days later. I fell in love with her instantly. She was the most precious thing I had ever held in my arms.
I never wanted Rachel to get hurt. I think because she was a miracle baby, I was overly protective of her. Nevertheless, she always seemed to be able to take care of herself. She loved her hot pink princess bike, with a basket for her dollies and she rode it on numerous adventures leaving me to worry about my little princess.
Rachel taught me so much about life and myself. She taught me to always discover and try new things. Before she was around, I wasn't too keen on the music. I learned to appreciate the beauty of the world of music from her. She taught me the importance of expression. Rachel used to give hugs to just about everyone she knew, she would always warn you by saying 'I am going to hug you now' and then wrap those little arms around you. Rachel allowed me to experience being a father and for that I am forever grateful.
Most importantly, Rachel taught me the importance of humor. Rachel was always laughing and teasing with me. She always made me feel so good inside, and I was never happier than when she smiled.
Today I was reminded of the time when Rachel broke her wrist while she was in tap dance class. She had to wear a cast for six weeks, which would prevent her from dancing in her first competition. I went to see her in the hospital, crying, which I always did whenever my princess got hurt. She just looked at me with that huge grin of hers and said "Daddy it wasn't meant to be I will get my chance to dance someday. Now I can sit around the house and bother you all day.
Rachel loved to sing and now I would like to say that today is the last line of a beautiful melody."
And it was ,Rachel was gone, her song had ran it's time and they had to move on for they would never hear the sweet music of her life again.