A/N: This is the beginning of a one shot compilation fic for everything Epic Battle Fantasy! Any tidbits or omitted scenes from my other EBF story as well as some requests will be posted under this title. I'm hoping that there will eventually be a little something for everyone in here! Well, except tragedies. I don't do tragedies. :P

Warnings will be posted at the start of any chapter that needs them as well as a rating and a brief summary of the ficlet. Feel free to leave requests for any ideas you'd like to see written along with your reviews and I'll see what I can do! Credit for any ideas will be given and constructive criticism is always welcome!

A huge thank you from me to Matt Roszak for creating the Epic Battle Fantasy series. I have spent so many hours playing the games and have had many laughs while doing so. You have made a gem of an RPG series! Thank you so much! ;D

Disclaimer: I do not own Epic Battle Fantasy, its worlds, its plots, its items, or its characters! They belong to Matt Roszak. I will only be borrowing these elements for the purpose of these one-shot stories, not for any monetary/physical profit on my part.

Title: Weapons
Summary: One thing led to another and now they must each try to use another's weapon.
Rating: K
Warnings: None
Genre: Humor
World: EBF4
Prompt from: Sylveon0902 - Thanks for this amazing idea and for all of your reviews on 'An Epic Retelling'!

It had started when the party had been discussing their favorite ways to kill monsters. Soon it turned into a bragging contest about how good each of them was with their respective weapons. Shortly after that the conversation had degenerated.

"You think getting headshots with a gun is easy? It isn't just point and shoot, you know," Lance fumed at Natalie.

The mage snorted, "All I'm saying is that using a gun to aim your magic seems like using a crutch; I bet you can't get even one spell off in the right direction without your rifle."

The gunner glared at her, "I'd like to see you get a kill at 500 meters with your sparkly stick."

"My staff doubles as a blunt weapon. You need a whole other tool for when your magic fails to kill a monster and they get right up next to you. Seems stupid to me," Natalie huffed.

Matt piped up, trying to diffuse the argument, "At least both of his weapons have some serious distance. Anna's bow certainly doesn't have that kind of range." He flinched when the ranger turned around to glare at him.

"You're hardly one to talk, Mr. Run-Up-and-Smack-Things-With-a-Sharp-Stick-Until-They-Die," Anna snapped.

"They're swords not 'sticks'," Matt corrected Anna huffily. "Besides, they're supposed to be used in close-combat; that's where I fight."

Anna rolled her eyes, "Only because you'd have no talent with a bow! And half of your 'swords' aren't even swords! I mean, one is even called Magma Hammer for Godcat's sake!"

Matt snorted and said, "Pfft, I could kill something with your bendy twig any day, but I bet you couldn't get even one swing in with one of my swords."

And so the four disgruntled challengers found a large forest clearing to prove their skills with other weapons.

First up, Lance bowed mockingly to Natalie before he pulled his Shadow Blaster rifle off of his back and handed it over to the mage. Natalie grabbed the weapon and staggered, bending backwards as Lance let go of the heavy gun. The mage ignored the sniggering coming from Lance and struggled to lift the rifle onto her shoulder as she had seen the gunner do many times.

"Any day now," Lance called from where he leaned against a tree, faking a yawn.

Natalie spared a glare in the gunner's direction as she finally heaved the gun up and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. The mage blinked in confusion and pulled the trigger again—still no blasts. "I think it's broken, Lance," Natalie said. The gunner's only reply was a mocking laugh. Finally, Natalie remembered that this was the weapon Lance launched his magic attacks out of and pushed some mana into the gun. The weapon vibrated and heated up slightly before there was a blast. Then there was black.

Natalie came to lying flat on her back with Anna playing healing magic on her ocarina and Matt hovering over her with a worried frown. The mage sat up slowly to see a smoking hole in the canopy of the trees. A slow clapping came from behind her and she turned to see Lance smirking as he sarcastically applauded Natalie.

"Good job: those evil leaves won't be a threat to us now. Next time try aiming," the gunner said. He pulled out his gunblade and spun the weapon around to hand to Natalie by the hilt. He grinned as he said, "Now, let's see how you do with this."

Natalie's face was burning at her complete failure with the rifle as she snatched the gunblade from Lance. The mage was pleased to note that this weapon was far lighter than the rifle had been; it was still heavier than her staff, but she could lift it with relative ease. She raised the weapon up and pointed it at an idol that had come out to check what was burning. She pulled the trigger and frowned when nothing happened.

Lance called over in a superior tone, "Whoops, I forgot to load it. I'm sure your fancy magic will be able to solve that, though. Or would you like me to load the gun for you?"

Natalie gritted her teeth as she hissed, "Just come load the stupid thing."

Lance cupped his ear and leaned towards her, "What was that?"

"I said come over here and load the stupid thing!" Natalie snapped loudly.

"Can I get a 'please'?" the gunner asked with a grin.

Acid dripped from Natalie's voice as she said, "Please come load this stupid gunblade, Lance."

Lance considered pestering the irate mage further, but decided against it as Natalie looked about two seconds away from stabbing him with his own weapon, "Very well, since you asked so nicely." He stepped over to the mage's side and loaded a bullet into the chamber of his gunblade before stepping back again. He waved his hand at the idol that stood there watching the strange happenings.

Natalie leveled the gunblade, pulled the trigger, and went flying back from the recoil. She heard a yelp from Matt and hoped that she hadn't accidentally hit him. Sitting up and shaking her head, Natalie looked over and sighed with relief as she saw the bullet had missed Matt. It had been a near thing though; there was a small hole next to the swordsman's head. Matt was leaning away and staring at the bullet lodged in the tree with a pale face. Natalie flinched as Lance spoke up again.

"I suppose tricking your enemies into thinking you're on their side is a viable option. Not many monsters would fall for it, though," he said with a smirk. His smile faded as the mage held out her Crystal Staff for him to take.

"Let's see how you do without a gun, then," Natalie said with a smirk similar to the gunner's own.

Lance stood away from the tree and grabbed the weapon. Immediately, he could feel the magic enhancing enchantment on the staff and he began to have doubts about whether he had good enough control to use it.

Natalie gave an impatient huff, "C'mon, it isn't like you need to load the thing, or whatever. Take a shot at that idol."

Swallowing his doubts and ignoring the snickering from Matt and Anna, Lance held the staff in his right hand and pointed it at the monster—well aware of how ridiculous he looked. Nothing happened, so the gunner pointed the staff again and shook it slightly. Natalie chuckled from behind him. With a growl, Lance pointed the staff one more time and forced mana into the weapon. A spark of lightning arced out of the crystal on top and zapped the gunner.

"Shock the enemy, Lance, not yourself," Natalie called unhelpfully with a snicker.

Lance turned to glare over his shoulder at the smirking mage before returning his attention to the idol that was hopping closer. He sighed and tried forcing less mana into the staff, but was shocked with lighting again, this time stunning himself. The idol bounced right up next to him and slammed itself into his jaw. The gunner saw stars and heard Natalie roaring with laughter before he fell back, unconscious.

Tears of mirth streamed down Natalie's cheeks as she watched as Lance was defeated by the Wooden Idol. Matt called out a warning and she wiped her eyes to see that the idol was tottering towards her next. She stood up and hefted Lance's gunblade as her staff was across the clearing next to the unconscious Lance. As she raised the weapon over her head for a slash, the extra weight sent her stumbling backwards and the idol seized the opportunity to smack into the mage's stomach, knocking her back into the tree where she blacked out.

Anna and Matt stared at their fallen companions in disbelief.

"I can't believe they both lost to that thing," Anna muttered, signaling for the idol to stop attacking.

Matt shrugged and unsheathed his Heaven's Gate, sticking it into the ground for the ranger to use. He then held out his hand for her bow, "I bet I can kill it with that bow, let me see it."

The ranger snorted and passed her weapon, Sky Feather, and one arrow over. She then watched with a grin as Matt stepped forward with the worst form she had ever seen. The swordsman pulled back the arrow easily enough, but when he let it go, he yelped as the string slapped his arm and left a long welt behind. The arrow flew off into the bushes, completely missing the Idol that was three feet in front of him. The small wooden creature bounced forward towards its attacker. Matt grabbed the bow at one end and swung it like a club at the creature. The slender stick did practically nothing to the idol. Matt tensed in preparation for the upcoming blow; seconds later he was out.

Anna flinched as she watched Matt swing her beloved bow at the monster, but didn't say anything. She watched with a small grin as the idol took out the swordsman before frowning as it turned on her. The creature ignored the ranger's commands for to stop advancing.

Seeing as the monster wasn't freezing like it should, and that it stood between her and her usual weapon, Anna grabbed the hilt of Heaven's Gate and tugged. She frowned as the sword didn't budge. She grabbed it with both hands and heaved back on the blade as the idol tottered closer. With trembling arms, Anna felt the sword slide up half in an inch before she was forced to let it drop again. "How the heck does he swing this thing? It weighs a ton!" Anna wondered, frantically watching the idol get closer. "Well, this is embarrassing," the ranger said a split second before the creature clocked her jaw and she fell unconscious.

Hours passed and the sun was setting when the four friends awoke. They each sat up rubbing various bruises. Natalie groaned as she stood up, clutching her sore stomach as she stumbled for where her Crystal Staff still lay in the grass and cast a quick Heal More spell on the party. With a round of sighs, they each gathered their weapons.

"Today we learned not to insult each other's weapons," Natalie sighed.

Matt snorted, "And that bows hurt." He rubbed his arm where the welt from the bow string had been.

"And that Matt's sword is stupid heavy," Anna muttered.

"I cannot believe we all lost to one Wooden Idol," Lance grumbled, "Let's agree never to speak of this again." There were nods all around as the party set off again.

A/N: There you go, Sylveon! I hope this was at least sort of what you were looking for!

A few rules for requests:
1) One actual review per request, please! I am much less likely to write your idea if you just demand a fic without any feedback on at least one of the stories posted here. I spend a lot of time on each piece and would like your honest thoughts (constructive criticism, what you liked/didn't like, something that surprised you, etc.).
2) Requests for a tragedy or a lemon/porn/sex scene/whatever you want to call it will be refused. I don't like tragedies and am very uncomfortable with the idea of writing sex for the sake of sex.
3) Writing takes time so please be patient! If you have an account open to Private Messaging, then I will tell you if I like your idea and plan to write it. Or, conversly, if I don't plan on writing the request ever, I will tell you so as well as a reason why.
4) I will always be polite when I message you and I would appreciate the same courtesy back. No one likes to be blatantly insulted and I am no different. Remember that we are all human beings here, even if we never see each other.

Please keep these rules in mind when/if you request a story.