Captain Jack meets Captain Jack.

Sooooo, my friend and I were discussing doctor who, and we got to the subject of captain Jack. And I said "what if Jack, met Captain Jack sparrow? He's a time traveler right? It could happen!" so, I write a fic about that. Meet Jack. A rouge ex-time agent.

This takes place post bad wolf, pre-torchwood.

In Jack Sparrow's time, (POTC, or pirates of the Caribbean timeline) its after the first movie, and before the second one. Jack is the captain of the Black Pearl.

NOT a one-shot.

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Captain Jack Harkness was jumping around time and space with his vortex manipulator. He had overheard, alright, more like illegally intercepted a transmission that there was a stockpile of rum, brandy and port in the mid Caribbean. The alcohol was over two hundred years old and stored perfectly!

There aren't many races out there who wouldn't like to get their hands, claws, paws, tentacles or other grabbing extendables on a bottle of that! And Jack Harkness knew it! It was surprising to even the finder that it had lasted! The tiny island where it was stored was not far from a notorious pirate hangout known as Tortuga. If any of them had found it back when wooden ships still sailed, it would have been gone in a matter of minutes! Jack, being who he was, made an ingenious plan. Find the place where the bottles were, jump back in time, move the rum to a hiding place of his choice, and jump back to now, and then HE would be the one with the selling power! And if the other guy never discovered the ancient alcohol in the first place, how could anyone blame him?

So the plan was this: find the final resting area of the drinks, find some island now that no one would find, jump back in time to when it was being put in, steal it, put it in new hiding spot, jump back to now, Ka-ching.

Jack whistled happily as he set the coordinates into the vortex manipulator.

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Captain Jack Sparrow was not happy. Not happy at all. He stared sadly at the last bottle of rum on the Black Pearl. Well, it was the last bottle of rum last night. But this morning, it was dry. They would have had more, but in a drunken stupor a few nights ago, he had let a few bottles get drunk, and a few more be drunk, and a few more. He let out a sad sigh, and then perked up.

"we'll just have to get some more rum then!" he said cheerfully.

"from where?" asked the voice in his head known as little jack.

"from stealing, of course!" he replied. He only saw little jack when he was very sober.

" from who? you owe a tab at every bar in the Caribbean!" insisted little jack.

"plus, if you steal from cargo headed to any of them, you'll have every barman from here to the Africa's after your arse!" Jack Sparrow was reluctant to admit that little jack was right. It was then that the first mate known as Mister Gibbs managed to open the door to the captains quarters, yelling at the bloody sons of bitches behind him to shut up so he could talk to the captain. He shut the door fast. Gibbs face gave Jack a very annoyed look.

"Jack, the crew's restless! We've got no more alcohol on board!" Jack effectively ignored him and walked to a section of the wall that held maps. He traced his fingers along a row, and selected one. He pulled the long map out of its cubbyhole and threw it in Gibbs general direction. The man barely caught it. He stuck his arm down the hole and felt around.

"aha!" he yelled.

"alert the crew that-" he pulled out…an empty rum bottle, with a brightly colored spider inside.

"there is no more rum on this ship!" he concluded.

"Jack." said first mate Gibbs, turning into friend Gibbs.

"we need to make port." Jack spun to face Gibbs.

" can we make rum instead? Its so much more….drink-ey."

"Jack." warned Gibbs in a very different tone, starting to get fed up.

"the men need alcohol. WE need alcohol! Where were you planning on getting it next?!"

Little jack started yammering away about responsibility and how he should start drinking less. Jack closed his eyes and rubbed his head. Rum usually made the problems go away. But now the problem was that it was the rum that had gone away.

His eyes opened in an idea. He practically flew to the first mate and plucked out of his hands the map that he had discarded moments previously. He spread it out on the table and searched hard.

"YES!" he cried out.

"it should still be there!"

"what should be where Jack?!" asked Gibbs, trying to keep up with his mind.

"a few years back, when I was sadly not with the Pearl, I helped a few old friends in hiding some drinks on a deserted isle. We had planned to get rid of a few taverns in places, and we would sell the drinks that we had at high prices. But unfortunately, those few taverns found out, and my friends are now no more. But the drinks are." his eyes glittered in the mad way that they do as he fit his hat upon his head, threw open his doors and yelled orders to the crew.

"to the rum, boys!" he yelled. The crew cheered and worked fast to get to the drinks.

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Jack Harkness scanned the small island. It was very small, one mile by three, with palm trees, sand, seagulls and crabs. Nothing else. Except, what was a metal door doing in a large tree?

He managed to open the door without breaking the thing. Any one of his weapons might damage the precious cargo inside. To his surprise the door opened up to a surprisingly sturdy flight of stairs that lead to a cool cellar.

Cautiously, he went down, he pulled out a flashlight.

"no school like the old school." he chuckled. And what a sight greeted his eyes! Bottle after bottle of alcohol shone from the light of the flashlight! Enough to keep a dozen drunkards happy for a long time. The place was abandoned, so there was no reason he couldn't enjoy a bit of it now, right?

In a few minutes, Jack was in just his boxers, on a pool chair on the beach, sipping port and coconut milk out of a coconut shell, and just loving his good luck. His space ship was small, but it would hold all of the bottles if he drove carefully. It wasn't easy getting the ship to travel space and time with him, but it was well worth it.

"or else I'd have to travel by boat." he snorted.

"that wouldn't be so bad, would it?" he mused.

"Captain Jack Harkness! The most feared pirate in all the seven seas! ARRR!" and then burst out laughing. His ship was parked a little ways down the beach, halfway between the tree line and the shore. He would get to moving the bottles, right after this nice nap in the sun.

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Jack checked his compass again, and grinned.

"we're not far now men!" he told the crew. They cheered again, never once disbelieving their Captain. Sure, he might lie about some things. Like the freshness of the food, or that the other ship was practically begging them to be robbed from, but he wouldn't lie about rum. That they knew.

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Jack Harkness awoke a few hours later, feeling rejuvenated, and with a nice tan too.

"this is my day." he thought to himself as he began to ferry the bottles to his ship. It was only after the fourth trip that he noticed something wrong. Jack paid attention to his premonitions. That was one of the reasons he was alive. He listened to his gut. He hurried with the trip and quickly pulled on his Jean pants and a t-shirt. He put the ship into surveillance mode. The blue and silver ship became invisible to the naked eye, and this century's primitive technology.

He set the scanners. No alien technology. Thank goodness for that! But it looked like there was a ship headed this way! A very good ship for this day and age. And it was headed…right this way. Jack stayed in the ship, waiting to see what these people would do. He watched as they threw an anchor into the shallow water and sent a rowboat ashore. Several grimy sailors stepped onto the isle. Most of them sporting do-rags, one of the men was thin and gangly with a weird eye, another short and bald. Both men looked unhappy. only one of them was wearing clothes that jack deemed "acceptable." the man wore a long coat, boots that went up past the knee, and had a killer hat. Jack wondered why the man had junk in his …two tiny beards. and technically, the man had four, and the sword on his waist was a good style. Never mind that! The man was headed to the alcohol! He took several calculated steps from a rock on the shore, turned to his right and waked into the thicket of trees. This wasn't supposed to happen! Theses sailors shouldn't be here! If they got to the rest of the drink before Jack did, not only would the finder in the future never find it, but Jack would loose the money! And he already picked out the new spaceship model he wanted! Jack sorted through his options. He wouldn't, no, couldn't kill these innocent men! His Doctor like sub-conscious whooped in joy. All of his weapons that he had were shoot to kill or defend. He looked behind him in the ship. He had about twenty something bottles. That might get him a new hyper-gun, but there were at least 300 something bottles left! He wasn't going to let those sailors get everything! He looked over the control panel. The men walked back, each with several bottles in their arms. Jack noticed the microphone on the control panel. An evil idea occurred to him. He recalled that sailors were extremely superstitious. He cleared his throat and leaned in to the microphone.

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"Boys, tonight we shall drink, and be merry." Jack Sparrow pulled a cork our with his teeth and took a long pull on a bottle. It was exceptionally good stuff. He passed it around to the others. He was a bit surprised before when he had found the tree door open, but only a few bottles were taken beforehand. Probably one of the other blokes came back to snitch some before he passed on. Jack didn't blame them.

" Oi! you two!" he pointed to Pintel and Righetti.

"get some leaves and make sure our precious cargo is protected when we row back to the ship. The rest of you wretches, come with me." he sauntered back into the trees to get some more of the happy juice. Pintel pulled palm fronds off of some low trees and passed them to his friend who placed them over the bottom of the boat.

" wasn't there another stash of rum on another island somewhere?" Pintel asked his friend.

"nah. You're imagining things again." Righetti said, not even looking up. Pintel shrugged it off and picked up a few more fronds.

"WHO DARES DISTURB MY ISLAND?!" roared an extremely loud and angry voice.

Both pirates jumped and grabbed each other. They looked around wildly.

"what-who was that?" Pintel asked nervously. Righetti gulped.

"WHO?!" the voice rumbled. In the cockpit, Jack covered his mouth to hide a snigger.

"ju-just some men. Not wanting no trouble!" squeaked Righetti.

" THEN PUT THE SACRED BOTTLES BACK!" the voice demanded. The pirates looked at each other. Put back the rum? But then they wouldn't have any! Even those two dunderheads could do that math.

"PUT . IT . BACK . OR BE SMITED!" the voice predicted. Jack turned off the microphone and asked himself :"Smited? Smote?" The men shared a look, picked up all the bottles that they could and walked back into the copse of trees with them. Jack leaned back in the pilots seat and tried not to laugh. This was SO much easier than he expected! The two pirates passed Sparrow in the small copse of trees. They hurried past him with the bottles they were holding as Jack and the others came back with another round. The two men nodded at their captain as they passed him. They passed a few steps past him before Jack realized what he had seen and stopped walking.

"OI! You two! Just what do you think you're doing with my rum?" he demanded.

Pintel and Righetti both shared a we-are-between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place-look.

"the island god, demanded that we put the rum back." Righetti said sheepishly. Wincing at how silly it sounded.

"or we would get smited." added pintel. He was not the brightest crayon in the box.

Jack walked right up to their faces.

"listen to me you currish louts! There is no deity on this isle! Now about face! And continue proceeding to secure the rum!" Jack yelled. Both men swallowed and did as they were told.

"and I don't want to hear any more codswallop about an island god!" Jack snapped at them. All the men nodded, but they weren't quite sure who to believe. They went back to gathering leaves.

"One more round I should think, and then we send this vessel back to the Pearl to stock up." Jack decided while walking back to the trees.

"can you believe that we thought there was a island god?" laughed Righetti, forgetting about the voice. Jack Harkness looked at them in confusion. Had they forgotten the booming voice? Well, now he was going to have to do some smiting. He found the right control and waited for the others to come back with more of HIS drink. Jack Sparrow walked back with more alcohol. He noted the scenery of the small island. There were no discernable features that set it apart from all the other small islands dotted around this area. Nor were there any people inhabiting it, or ever were from lack of ruins or remains. So why on the seven seas did those two blockheads think there was an island god? He shut the door behind him. He still had half the cavern left, but the rest of the crew would come and get it later. came back with the last load and gently placed the bottles in the dinghy. He opened his mouth to speak and a loud, booming voice proclaimed:

"YOU DO NOT HEED MY WARNING? ONCE MORE BEFORE I TURN THE LOT OF YOU TO ASH!" out of nowhere, a long red light hit one of the trees that was by itself on the shoreline and it burst into flame! The men froze, and ran back to the trees with the rum. Jack Sparrow frowned. Who in the bloody hells demands that he put his own rum back?!

"OI! You lot! Get back here before I leave you stranded on this isle for abandoning captains orders!" Jack Sparrow yelled.

Jack Harkness was impressed. So, this man was the captain. Or at least someone very loyal to the captain.

Jack Sparrow stared at where he saw the light come from. Unbeknownst to him, he was looking at the cockpit of the spaceship.

"I know that was no god! If it was, we would of have been ash without a warning, let alone two." Damn! The other man had called his bluff. The other guy pulled out a long rapier sword.

"OI! Godly-fellow! If you want the rum, you're gonna have to go though me! Captain Jack Sparrow!" Jack Harkness was impressed! He knew stories of this man. More like legends or myths really. According to stories, he defeated Blackbeard, out witted Davy Jones, created the Pirate queen Swan, and was an altogether terror of England and the East India Trading Company! Jack sighed. The guy looked young. He couldn't damage him in any way, or else the frexing time line might get messed up. It looked like there were two options.

One: exit the spaceship and talk or fight his way to the rum,

or Two, leave with what he had now. his Doctor-like subconscious fought like mad. he sighed again and turned the main engine to take off. But….it wasn't working. Why wasn't it working?! He looked outside to see if anything was blocking the engine port and saw the sand. The sand! The sand had gotten into the main engine! Curse this cheap ship! He cursed himself for stealing-no, borrowing this lemon. He would have to wait here and clean it out manually when they left.

Jack Sparrow's eyes swept over the beach. He knew the red light came from the beach itself, and not a ship further out. He tread carefully, with his sword in front of himself. His men did the same. Spreading out over the small beach. Jack noticed something amiss. Was that a shadow on the beach? What was causing it? Jack Harkness saw Jack Sparrow pause and stare. He followed his line of vision to the shadow of the ship.

"Stupid!Stupid!Stupid!" he cursed himself. Sparrow bent down, and picked up a rock. His eyes never leaving the shadow. It was only a little past high noon, so the shadow of the ship, which was parked a good deal away from the trees had a shadow that was only one or two feet big by sixteen feet, the length of the ship. Sparrow tossed the rock to the right of the shadow. It hit the ground with a thud.

"there's nothing there!" exclaimed one of the men. Jack Harkness let out a breath only needs to be something on one side to make a shadow." replied Sparrow, not even looking at the man who spoke. He located another rock, and carefully took aim. Captain Jack Harkness winced as the rock landed on the top with a clang, and very clearly rolled off the side of the spaceship into the sand. The five men looked at the rock, all shocked. One crossed himself.

"I've heard, that sometimes, in the desert, you see things that aren't there." suggested one of the men weakly.

"this is no mirage." stated Jack Sparrow. He walked to the rock, and tentatively, put out his hand. To his surprise, his ring-laden fingers met sun-heated metal. He spread out his arms and felt-up the ship. He rapped his rings against the invisible hull, earning him a nice, solid clang.

"its some sort of see-through metal! Lads! Come and see…..well, come over here!" he called.. And of course, the men obeyed. Jack Harkness rushed around the small ship turning off all external engines and devices.

"crap crap crap crap crap!" he muttered like a mantra. He had enough supplies to last him a bit. But if the stories were true, (and they were) then this man would wait until he got the answer he wanted. Sparrow had banged around the ship, and had managed to clamber on to one of the small wings in the back of the ship. The wing itself went around most of the spaceship. To the others, it looked like he was walking on air.

"it feels lie a carriage, though….. Also like a ship." he commented, flexing his knees and testing the durability of whatever he was on. This thing was definitely not here last time I was." he walked further up the wing, his hands trailing the side of the ship, when he noticed a change in the material under his fingers. He turned his body to it all the way and placed his other hand next to the first. He tilted his head in confusion.

"This almost feels like, glass." he rapped his knuckles against it. A hollow ping sounded. Jack Harkness watched as the pirate found the windshield of the ship. He watched as the captain continued to inch around the front, and then fell eight feet to the sand when he ran out of wing. He brushed himself off and thought for a moment.

"lads, forget the rum. This is something bigger. You two!" he pointed to two of the men.

"head back to the pearl with the rum, tell Gibbs to send supplies back to the island. We might be here a while." the two men who he pointed to jumped into the rowboat and went to the ship.

"the rest of you, get driftwood and stones . I want an outline of this thing an hour ago! Hop to it!" the men scattered from the beach to do what he said. Jack started to trace the outline with his boot in the sand.

"what are you?" he asked the ship. Jack Harkness realized this was a good a time as any to introduce himself.

He pulled a switch and with a hiss, the top of the ship opened up. Jack climbed out onto the roof of the still invisible spaceship to see the very astonished man on the sand.

Captain Jack Sparrow, my name is Jack Harkness…was what he wanted to say. But instead what came out was, in his usual manner and tone:

"Hi. Captain Jack Harkness."