He lied to her, but he was good at that now. The craving had always been there, but once Emily "died", he didn't fight it anymore. He just knew how to hide it better.
He didn't mean to bring it up to JJ, but he was so mad, cause if she had been honest about Emily from the beginning, he might never have started using again.
She looked at him with such concern and worry, it wasn't like he could have told her the truth. He couldn't have said, "After those ten weeks I spent crying I just didn't want to feel anything for a while so started using again." He couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that.
So, he didn't. He left her with a what if? He left her to feel worried, but not as worried as she could have been.
He would have lost his job anyway. No way would they give him another chance.
Well, maybe they would. But, he'd definitely be suspended for a while. No, he couldn't do that.
The job is what made him stay sane. It's what keeps his doses to once every night. He just needs it to sleep, that's all. There's nothing to worry about anyway. He makes sure he takes it right when he gets home, or to his hotel, to where he gets the exact amount of sleep he needs.
He has it down to a science too, of course. He knows exactly how much to take based on how much sleep he wants to get, or how much time he has until he has to get back to work.
It's been a few years of that now. The science changes every once in awhile, but that's no big deal. He takes a little more now for six hours of sleep than he would take last year. Of course, last years dose rose from the year before too. But, again, no big deal.
It would be a big deal if it affected his work. It would be a big deal if people took notice.
No one ever noticed.
He was better at it than he used to be. He had to be better this time. They couldn't figure it out like they did last time.
So, he studied. He studied his facial expressions. He studied his actions. He knew exactly what to do, and what not to do.
It worked.
It was pretty easy to get the drug. A lot easier than he thought it would be. He thought he might have to sneak into back alleys and meet guys with hoodies who make a ten second exchange and left.
It wasn't like that. He should have known.
The guy he got it from lived in an apartment complex about ten minutes away. He was nice. He'd come over sometimes and sit, talk about life. He didn't hang out in alleys, and he didn't wear hoodies, unless it was cold out.
He was fine though. He's got it perfected, remember? He'll get five hours of sleep before he needs to get back up to go to work, just like last night. He knows exactly how much he'll need to take.
Of course, there's a little more in the syringe than there was last night, because that didn't seem to last as long as it used to.