A/N: It's been a long time since I published anything. My first fanfic, Temptation in Pink, now makes me weep. But no matter, for I come bearing my special brand of crack for the Kuroko fandom! A while ago, I came across a kink prompt for AoKise unsexy tiems i.e. things not going as smoothly as one would imagine. Enjoy!
It's not going to fit.
Being one of the most brilliant athletes of his generation, Kise embodies physical awareness. In regards to his particular set of skills in basketball, he can imitate players, opponents or otherwise, by memory and sight. He translates their movements into his own, skin and bone and breath coming together as a force to be reckoned with.
But he isn't playing basketball right now. He's on his cozy little bed, in his cozy little room. The night is quiet and still; it seems like any other Tuesday for a high schooler.
That's not all, though.
Kise isn't alone. Kise isn't clothed, either. For the most part, this isn't a bad thing to most hormonal young adults, but Kise isn't quite as excited as he ought to be. He's facing a hurdle unlike any before in his whole life of being a virgin. If that doesn't give you an idea of what's to come, you're probably better off reading something else that doesn't pertain to Kise's cherry-popping experience.
Oh, god.
Ohgodohgodohgodohgod.
"Baby, you have to relax," Aomine grunts, shifting about between Kise's legs every now and then because Kise just won't keep his plush rump still.
"How the hell am I supposed to relax when I know that Mr. Bojangles over there is going to tear me in half like that Goosh Goosh video?" Kise wails. Aomine quirks a brow. "Okay, I may be overdramatizing here, but there's no way it's going in without hurting."
"Hey, hey." Aomine leans forward on one hand, hovering above his sweetheart just enough to feel the warmth of Kise's breath on his lips. Kise's cheeks flush red. Aomine laughs and nuzzles his nose. "It won't hurt… much."
Kise blinks at him. "Much?"
"Well, yeah, it will hurt when I put it in, but you'll feel better soon enough when I start fucking your brains out."
Leave it to Aomine to be about as blunt as a spoon when trying to convince his beau to essentially throw caution to the wind, but knowing him the way he did, Kise can't help a smile. He gives Aomine a peck on the lips before letting him sit up again. Taking a deep breath, Kise wills his heart to calm a fraction down.
He watches Aomine guide his throbbing blue purple spear of destiny between his pert cheeks and he can only rely on his sense of touch from then on. Kise feels the tip pressing at his entrance, smearing the lube applied earlier to prep him up for penetration. Fingers aren't the same as a pump-action porridge bazooka, but Kise figures if not now, then when, right?
Receiving evidently less resistance than before, Aomine takes it as a sign that Kise is as ready as can be. He pushes forward past the tight ring of muscle, but he doesn't get too far in before Kise presses a hand against his stomach to slow him down.
"Fuck, it burns," Kise grits out, wincing at the increasingly painful ordeal of being stretched out.
"Seriously? I haven't gotten the thickest part in yet," Aomine says jokingly to help lighten the mood.
But Kise doesn't find it funny in the least. He's not even halfway through, judging from what Aomine said. Kise huffs in frustration, and decides on what seems to be the lesser evil for the both of them. "Fine, just... I don't know, force it in? Dragging this out isn't doing me much good either." He motions to his own flaccid doughnut holder.
Aomine raises both eyebrows this time. "Are you sure? You can take your time, I'm almost—" Kise shakes his head and braces himself for the worst. Aomine concedes and shifts Kise legs that are hitched over his elbows to get a better grip. "You ready?"
"No," Kise whispers to himself just as Aomine thrusts forward, fully penetrating him and Kise knows he should be at the very least relieved that the deed is done and Aomine can get to fucking his brains out, as mentioned earlier. But he just can't bring himself to… to do anything, really. He feels rather numb.
Until the pain finally sets in.
Aomine doesn't know what hits him, not entirely. He suspects it might be Kise's foot, or his hand, or both, but there's no way of telling because right when he flinches at the remarkably high-pitched scream that comes out of Kise's mouth, a limb comes into contact with his stomach, the force of it making him double over with an inelegant "Oof!" Still running on instinct, Kise kicks Aomine off himself and the bed for good measure.
And so, here we are with a sore Kise and a sore Aomine. The whole thing really is quite comical: big, bad Aomine trying to comfort a (very literal) butthurt Kise. While it's proven that Aomine isn't a particular tactful person, he still has enough sense in him to refrain from saying "I told you so." Kise may be a crybaby—and is currently in tears, actually—but he'll backhand an assbaka when the opportunity presents itself, mostly in the form of an obnoxiously arrogant blue-haired basketball prodigy.
"—worst thing ever." Kise is ranting for a good ten minutes now, about how it's one of the stupidest things he's done and that he regrets mucking up what's meant to be a magical moment and he's so, so sorry for the physical assault.
Aomine laughs into the mop of blonde hair nestled under his chin. "It can't be that bad. We did get it in, even if it's just for five seconds."
Kise hiccups a giggle. "Yeah, but for our first time together, it's kinda disappointing. I should've listened to you."
"Tch, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault," Aomine chides lightly. "We can always try again. Not everyone gets it right the first time. And no one said we have to."
"Oh, that's sweet, and surprisingly insightful, coming from you," Kise laughs. Before Aomine can take offense, he plants a small kiss on his lips. "So then, take two?"