He wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and run and be away from everything. His heart was growing tight again despite the medication. He gripped Senbonzakura so hard the wooden hilt actually cracked slightly in his hand. The inevitable feelings of guilt, loneliness, and frustration were building up inside him again. He hated it. He hated himself as his breathing sped up beyond his usual pattern of inhale and exhale, as a metal like taste filled his tongue.
Unable to take it, Byakuya stormed out of his living room and into his bathroom, ripping the nobility pieces from his hair and looking into his reflection. I don't want this. I'm tired of having to keep everything under, to keep acting perfect. But I can't leave. And if it continues this way, Rukia will try and convince me to step down and let her take my place. But I made a promise to protect her… I can't break it, no matter what. He took a number of deep breaths, opting to calm his heart on his own since the hours required for him to take a pill again weren't finished. He picked up the nobility pieces, slid them back in and had started to pick up his violin, like yesterday. His heart eventually calmed, his pulse returned to normal, and his breathing normalised. Everything is fine. Everything is fine.
A knock at his door, just like last time, and he composed himself, washing his face and opting to soothe himself with a piano collection he had on CD for his stereo. Lo and behold, it was his sister, standing in the doorway with Sode no Shirayuki present at her hip.
"Rukia, how can I help you?" He asked.
"Nii-sama… can we talk? I felt your reiatsu going out of control just a bit ago. Please don't try and hide it from me, just let me talk to you." With a sigh, Byakuya let his younger sister into his quarters, knowing her stubbornness wasn't to be underestimated. He made tea for the two of them, seated on the tatami mats in front of his kitchen table. Rukia looked tense, gripping the material of the hakama on her thighs.
"I thought we were going to be talking." Byakuya remarked sarcastically, bringing a small smile to his sister's face.
"Gomen. I'm just trying to find the words I guess."
"We don't have all day."
"Nii-sama, is it true you have a heart condition from how much stress you're under?" her words shook him. He hadn't expected Unohana to break confidentiality. He gripped the table's bottom layer till he was white in the knuckles, not wanting to scare his Rukia.
"It is true." He admitted, figuring there was no point in lying.
"Let me take your place! I can't stand what this is doing to you."
"You're not strong enough to take up place as the Head of the Kuchiki clan."
"Then I'll get stronger! I'll get stronger and you can…" Byakuya cut her off there.
"I won't go back on my promise to your sister!"
"Stop protecting me at your own expense!" Rukia cried, tears escaping the corners of her eyes. "Forget your promise, she told you to protect me, not abandon yourself! Please, Nii-sama. Don't hide yourself anymore." The Captain sighed, torn by her emotions and his.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked, sounding resigned.
"Ichigo told me you can't talk about your feelings because of your pride as a man, and because of your position as a Captain and Head of our family… Can't you at least talk to me, your sister about what's bothering you? Can't you at least talk to me about how much of a strain you're under, always having to act like everything is fine and that you're perfectly content with everything? Can't you just say something?!" She was shaking now, shoulders wracked with what Byakuya recognised as silent sobs. "Please, Nii-sama. Open up for once and just let everything out." Rukia looked up in surprise as her brother got up from the table. He sat down behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "Nii-sama…" She hid her face in her brother's chest, ashamed she could demand so much of him in her position.
"I can't promise that I'll be able to open up and let everything out, as you want me to. But I won't let this consume me, I can promise you that. I've just been quiet for so long I don't know how to express myself in words anymore." Rukia wiped her tears as her brother let her draw back from their embrace, pulling something from her pocket.
"When I was a little girl, still growing up in Rukongai, I had this pendant, a dragon climbing up a sakura tree." She opened her palm up to Byakuya. "I always believed it had come from someone very close to me. And now I know, because of you, when you told me your late wife was my sister… that I know it was from her. I want you to have it now, because it's a gift of love from both of us. Love from me, as your sister, and love from her, as your wife."
Byakuya took the pendant in his hand, pale face calm and still as the winter, but a foreign stream of moisture running from his cheeks. He touched them, astonished, and Rukia wiped them from his eyes.
"I thought you didn't cry, Nii-sama. I thought you were made of the same steel as Senbonzakura." She laughed, getting up and securing the pendant around her brother's neck. "But you know… when you use the command, "Chire," and the pieces of your sword spread out… I would always wonder if those were the pieces of your heart. Broken, but always coming back together in the end. You're strong, brother. You're strong, and selfless, and so firm to justice. I'm proud to say I'm your sister, even if your heart will always be broken, because I know you're strong enough to always keep it together."
"This is why you're my pride, Rukia." He said, voice thick with emotion as he patted her head. He took her hand, leading her outside. The clouds from earlier had parted, the sun beginning to shine on the drops covering everything. "I think the rain has stopped."
"Yes… I think it has." Rukia agreed, holding her brother's gradually warming hand in her own. She couldn't help but admire how beautiful the glittering rain drops on the sakura trees looked, dazzling like jewels in the sunlight.