Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FFVIII. End of story. I love reviews so please review.
Notes about this story:
This is the third story in Silver Bullet Story Arc. The other two stories in this arc in order are Falling Alone and It Has to Be
YOU NEED TO READ It Has to Be FIRST to understand this story throughly.
It pulls me apart to see her with him but it is what I wanted. For her and for me, I couldn't offer her the kind of love she needed so I pushed her towards the man that could.
Zell is taking good care of Selphie. I can see it when she smiles at him, then she will see me and a far off pain will brim in her eyes. I know she still loves me and I love her too but there are things I can never tell her, or tell anyone for that matter.
There were a lot of things that I didn't tell Zell. The night Zell and I talked, despite my drunken state I refused to tell him things. I only told him enough so he would agree to take care of Selphie. No one needs to know my darkest secrets and if I'm lucky no one here will ever know what I hold close to my heart.
Things were rough between Selphie and Ifor a while and it has been almost two months since I told her to forget me. She seems to be doing better with it. We had a long talk about a week after Zell and I came to blows in my room. I don't know what he said to her after that night but I'm grateful.
We talked and I told her I loved her as a friend but that I couldn't be with her. I begged her to forgive my shortcomings and let me be her friend again. She agreed but on the condition that I help with the upcoming festival. We had all warned Squall when he made her the Garden's morale officer that she would go nuts if given the opportunity and the number of Garden festivals have increased since she took over the position.
To appease her I agreed but only on the condition that Zell do it with me. He had protested when he found out but one sweet smile from Selphie was all it took to turn him into putty. Getting him to work on this festival has been both a curse and a blessing.
On the one hand I have another guy on the committee but on the other I have to see them together all the time. Like I said, this iswhat I wanted. They seem to keep it to a minimum when I'm around which is something I thank Hyne for. I don't think I would last long if I saw his arm around her slim shoulders every second I was in their presence.
It also helps that Rinoa and Matron agreed to help with the festival. Rinoa agreed because Squall has his hands full with his duties as commander and Matron agreed because she couldn't resist Selphie's enthusiasm. To see Matron smiling at us as we bicker back and forth is wonderful. I missed her when I was growing up. There were few female figures whenI was younger andmy memories of her always stayed in my thoughts.
I would remember how her eyes would smile in amusement even when she had to punish us. She realized we seven little kids and that we really didn't mean to cause a lot of the trouble we got into. She's the closest thing to a mother I have.
I finish hanging the rope of streamers from the support beam and climb down the ladder. Rinoa, Matron, and Selphie are standing back to watch me and make sure that I don't somehow screw up their precious decorations. Everything has to be just so so or Selphie will make me do it over again. As I reach the last step a slight wave of dizziness washes over me. I'mforced to grab onto the ladderbefore I fall. When the worst of the spell has cleared Idrop to the ground.
The room spins for a few seconds and then settles again. I look over towards the girls who clearly noticed my brief episode. Matron is giving me an especially odd look. She seems to be staring at something around me as if there is something only she can see. Suddenly Rinoa gets the same look but she seems much more confused. It's almost as if she's not sure what she is looking at.
Selphie on the other hand is making her way towards me with a concerned look in her bright green eyes.
"Irvine are you okay?" I nod, the wave of dizziness has already faded. I can see her reaching out to touch my forehead. Most likely to see if I'm running a fever or something. I feel a bit warm but I was balancing on a ladder for over a half an hour so I don't think it is anything major.
I couldn't be more wrong. Right as Selphie is about to touch me a splitting pain rips through my right arm and I cry out. Almost immediately I drop to my knees and cradle my arm to my body. The feeling is familiar and I know I've gone pale as a sheet as fresh waves of pain tear their way down my arm. Panic is bubbling in my stomach. This can't be happening now. It's been years since they tapped me.
Selphie has her hands on my shoulders and is clearly scared out of her mind. She has no idea what is happening to me but I know all too well. This was the reason I can't be with her.
It is suddenly hard for me to hear and the world appears as though it was being filtered through water. I know it isn't water. It is magic, very old and extremely powerful magic that even the sorceresses don't have. A small voice in my mind tells me that this is what Matron and Rinoa are seeing. They can see the magic as it gathers around me. Matron noticed it first because of her long history but Rinoa is still relatively new to the powers so it took her longer to comprehend what she is seeing.
Selphie can't see or feel it and she is still holding onto my shoulders. I can almost sense the panic radiatingfrom her. My senses are slowly returning to normal and I hear Matron speaking in a forceful tone to Selphie.
"Selphie go get Squall, go now." The girl looks over at her without letting me go.
"What about Dr. Kadowaki? He's in pain. Maybe she can help." She's obviously reluctant to leave but Matron's tone is forceful and contains an edge I've never heard her use before.
"I can take care of Irvine. Get Squall now." Selphie obviously hears her tone because she lets me go and runs from the quad.
I look over at Matron to see her face soften as she walks towards me. She kneels in front of me and reaches to touch me butright as she lays her hand on my shoulder she pulls back as though burned. Rinoa is standing farther back with a terrified look on her face. She doesn't understand what his happening to me or why she can see something that she couldn't see before.
"Matron what's happening to him?" Rinoa started calling Edea Matron shortly after our defeat of Ultimacia. I guess it makes her feel more like one of us. Matron sighs and shakes her head.
"Let me see your arm Irvine." I don't want to show her. It's supposed to be my secret but Matron's voice still holds the tone she had used with Selphie so I find myself stripping off the long sleeved t-shirt I had been wearing.
Instead of the normal tanned skin the upper portion of my right arm is covered in an elaborate silver tattoo. I can tell that Matron immediately knows what it is because the commanding tone of her voice is replaced with sadness and sympathy.
"Oh Hyne." I can't stand to look at her so force my gaze to the floor. "How long Irvine?" I don't want to talk about this but she needs to know. She's the only one who will know what it represents.
"Since I was eleven." Her hand immediately flies to her mouth and I can see tears well in her eyes.
"I didn't know they took children that young." Rinoa is completely lost and has no idea what is going on or what we are talking about.
"Matron what's happening to him? I don't understand what you two are talking about." Matron looks between Rinoa and I with sadness in her eyes.
"The tattoo on his arm is the marking of the Silver assassin's guild." Rinoa has no idea who the Silver Assassins are so Matron continues. "The guild hires out its members for assassinations. When the member isn't needed the tattoo remains dormant and unseen but when the member is tapped the tattoo makes itself visible."
"So they are calling him to kill someone? Can't he just ignore it?" Matron is ready to answer but I beat her to it.
"If I do the magic woven into the tattoo will kill me." Rinoa is speechless and I start pulling my shirt back over my head. "There is nothing either of you can do. I gave up and accepted my destiny years ago. I can't fight it and I don't really fancy dying so I don't have a choice." Suddenly Squall bursts in with Selphie close at his heels.
"Irvine what happened?" Selphie said something was wrong." I look up at him and flash him a sad smile.
"Ever heard of the Silver Assassins?" I'm surprised when he nods. I should have known better, of course he would know, he's the Garden's commander. "Well I am one and I just got tapped." If the situation weren't so serious the way Squall's jaw dropped open would have been hilarious.
"How come you never told any of us?"
"Because you didn't need to know and I haven't been tapped in years. You know what I have to do right?" He nods in silence.
"Do you know the details?" I shake my head. I won't find out till I report in. I need to leave soon or the they will think I'm not coming and the pain will only get worse." He nods again.
Selphie is looking between us in confusion. When she had left I was on the floor in more pain than she had ever seen me in. Now Squall and I are talking about something that she has no clue about.
"What's going on?" Her voice is small and clearly bewildered. "Why is Irvine leaving?" A pang of guilt snaps at my heart. This is what I wanted to protect her from, the very reason I pushed her away. Now I have to tell her anyway. I turn to Selphie and realize for the first time that there are tears running down her face. Her tears make my explanation even more difficult.
"When I was eleven I was forced to join an assassin's guild. They control their members with powerful magic. They have a job for me so I have to go and do it. That's why I'm leaving. I'll come back." I hate sugar coating the truth like that but I can't stand to see Selphie cry. I think she might actually accept my explanation when Rinoa pipes up.
"How can you take this so lightly? You have to kill someone you don't even know and if you don't your going to die." Matron and Squall move to silence Rinoa before she can get the last bit out but they fail and I begin silently cursing her. Selphie is staring at me in shock, more tears are brimming in her beautiful green eyes.
"You could die?" I nod, suddenly feeling defeated and hopeless. I had accepted this part of my life until I joined with Squall to try and take down Matron. When did things suddenly get so complicated? Before I can try and calm Selphie down she turns away from me and runs at full speed from the quad.
I'm left there to watch her run away from me. When I turn back to the others they are all watching me with sadness and pity.
To Hyne I don't want pity. This is why assassins like me don't make close friends. I never wanted to see someone pity me because I couldn't stop what had been forced on me as a kid. The past was supposed to remain hidden.
"I have to leave." I don't know what else to tell them. Squall nods.
"Let us know if we can help."
"You can't. I have to do this on my own, just like I've done for years." Without another word I turn and leave the quad. As I walk away Caib's words haunt me.
/It's better not to make friends./ Well I failed Caib, I hope you understand.
I hope everyone liked it. If it didn't totally make sense read It Has to Be It should clear parts of this story up.
Okay guys, I love reviews. Tell me what you think of this story and the 'Silver Bullet' Arc as a whole. I will continue this fic and I respond to each review I get.