You broke my heart. I'm sorry.
Clarke to Finn, 1x12
Clarke's POV
The small dip of The Commander's head is all I need. I turn from her slowly at first then run to Finn. I kiss him but a small part of me is telling him this isn't real. I'm going to wake up the next morning and we're going to work on freeing the 47 from Mount Weather. Finn will be there. The 18 will still be alive. But life is not fair. Blood for blood. I pull away from the kiss. My heart is already breaking. He can't do this to me. It's not time to go, it's not time to go.
I can hardly breathe. I look into his eyes the only part of him I can still recognize. "I love you , too," I whisper.
My breathing becomes labored. "I'm scared," he whispers.
Oh God, you can't do this to me Finn. I love you, I love you. I want to wrap my arms around him and never let go. But a part of me understands. The second Finn kissed me back in the bunker, we crossed a line. He knew Raven was still up in the Ark. He knew but he chose me anyways. I knew it was over the second I took the blade from Raven. I never intended to kill Lexa. There is only one outcome. The inevitable. The only way tomorrow can come without an army of Grounders killing my people. I have to do this. The thought of tomorrow has never been so hard.
I wrap my arms around him. I can't do this. Hot tears burn my face, anticipating the sin about to occur. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to let go.
"You're gonna be okay," my voice cracks, we both know it's a lie but I say it anyways. I owe him that. That last chance for me to tell him it could have happened. We could have been together. In another life, maybe. "You're okay."
"Thanks Princess."
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. My resolve breaks and I push the knife into his stomach. I can feel his warm blood on my fingers. Everything hurts. My mind is numb but my heart is screaming. No, no, no, no. This can't be happening. I love you Finn Collins. I'm so sorry. I pull away from him. Everything lows except the torment of thoughts inside my head. The Grounders move to attack but the Commander stops them. It's done. Raven's screams shatter my soul and I stare brokenly at the few people I have left.
Thanks, princess
His words echo in my head as I walk back to Camp Jaha. Raven's screams are the only thing louder. She's still screaming. Hasn't stopped. I would scream too but I can't. I can barely walk back to camp. The tears are hot on my face but his blood is cold. I will never feel his heart beat again. They're going to burn him. His body. My Finn, the first man I ever loved. All thoughts of broken hearts and secret girlfriends up in space are gone. There's a hole in my heart. Spacewalker is dead.