Sam's finger stroked the cool metal once, hazy eyes staring at the object in hand.
Dean's .45.
He stroked it a few more times before his finger settled on the trigger. First his mother. That hadn't been so bad. Sure he'd had his 'I want a mommy' spells when he'd been a kid, but he hadn't really known her, that was only a small ache.
Then came Jess. Jess. He'd loved her. He'd planned on proposing when he'd gotten home. He wanted to marry her, to lead a normal life. He'd laid back on his bed, content, he would ask when she got out of the shower, he knew she was there, he could hear the shower running.
Imagine his surprise when he opened his eyes to find his beautiful Jess stuck to the ceiling, her stomach ripped open, staring back at him with a terrified expression.
Then she'd burst into flames, he could still remember thinking, 'no, not Jess, not Jess.' And some part of him wondered if that is what his mother had looked like when she'd died.
Flames licking at her delicate skin, though he knew she couldn't feel it. She was gone, and he'd known that she would die like that. He'd seen it in his dreams. He'd wanted to be normal so bad he'd let the woman he loved die.
But Dean had saved him again. Dean who'd just driven away to go find Dad had found him, still laying on his own bed, his arms over his face in a feeble attempt to make the image go away.
He'd almost had to drag Sam out, literally. After a few pushes and Sam no longer able to see Jess, he'd stopped fighting Dean and let himself be taken out of the building.
Sam'd sworn to avenge her death, he would kill whatever had killed her. He'd only been alive thanks to Dean.
Dean.
He'd saved Sam's ass enough times to lay claim to it as his own property. Sam gave a half laugh at a memory of both of them together, just about three weeks before. Dean'd just saved him from a werewolf, and on the car ride back to the motel…
'Sam, I think it's about time you get a tattoo."
"What?" Sam asked, looking at Dean like he was nuts.
"Yeah, get my name on your ass, I've saved it enough to call it my own by now."
Sam couldn't help but laugh at the complete seriousness in Dean's voice.
"Seriously Sam, the werewolf wasn't more than ten feet in front of you, how could you miss that shot? You almost hit me for gods sake!"
"You know I wasn't ever good with a gun." Sam muttered then.
"Then throw your knife at it, you always seem to have perfect aim with those things."
"Well wasn't thinking clearly!"
"You know Sam, I've started working that into my mission plans, 'and after it runs off, I'll give it a good five minutes before I go and save Sam's ass again, because we all know he's going to need to be saved by then.'"
Sam laughed and tossed his bloodied T-shirt at Dean, first aid kit already in his lap so he could clean out the wounds he'd gotten running from the wolf.
Yeah, Sam probably should have gotten that tattoo, it would have been a good reminder of who constantly saved his ass.
Then the one time he could have helped Dean, there was nothing they could do but make him comfortable. Wait for him to die.
Sam's hand wavered as he looked at the gun. He couldn't stand to loose Dean too. He knew he couldn't find Dad without him. Who would be there to save his ass when he got into trouble again?
He clenched his hand around the gun slowly raising it to his head. His hand shook, despite his efforts. He closed his eyes and pulled the trigger.
Click
Try again.
Click
Sam opened his eyes and looked at the gun. It wasn't loaded. Even with Dean in the hospital, he'd managed to save Sam's ass. He hadn't reloaded his gun after the last time he'd used it.
He put the gun back down on what would have been Dean's bed and picked up the laptop instead, and began looking for ways to save his brother, so his brother could live long enough to save his ass again.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Tochi: Yeah, not at the top of my game here, really short, really crappy. I'm sure Flap Jack can help you with what a standard flame looks like, Flap Jack?
Flap Jack: THAT SUCKED! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OUT OF CHARACTER THEY WERE? YOU SUCK!
Flap Jack: and that's what a standard flame for this piece of crap would look like, now since I helped you, JOIN MY EVIL ARMY!