"I WANNA BE AN AMERICAN HERO! RED WHITE AND BLUE IS MY LOGO!
STAND UP AGAINST THE FORCE OF EVIL! I'LL BE THE ONE TO SAY 'LETS GO'!" I
heard my alarm ring. I lazily popped an eye open, propping myself up on and
elbow. You see, I don't just "get up" after taking a nap. I get up
like I'm going through a fucking exorcism.
"Nyekslwmskroeekeneejkeoekdje o! w-whaaa..." I screeched, blinking
back the sun. And then my phone rang.
"You and me baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do
on the discovery channel!" Fuck second verses... I picked up the phone,
holding it up to my ear as I curled up on the couch.
"Yo..." I yawned, and the other person could be heard cackling on
their end of the line.
"Kesese~ Alfie! I can hear joor exorcism from mein house IN EAST
PRUSSIA! Piyo~! Guten morgen, Schlafend Schöne~" The other perso-
Gilbert cackled.
"Have you memorized my sleeping habits and schedules..." I laughed
wearily, rubbing my eyes. "Seriously... You called five seconds after I
ended the exorcism..." I giggled, bugging out my eyes.
"Ja! I need to make sure zat Mein kleiner Jung-Spielzeug is up in time for
me to say hallo! Kesese~ I miss joo! Dude, ve have to hang out. Ich don't care
if I have to turn this fucking plane around! Fuck it. Ich würde hier zu
fliegen. Holen Sie packen! Ich werde da sein in ein paar Stunden! Oder Tagen!
Je nach Flugverkehr! Scheiße, was ist, wenn es eine Luft Stau?!" Gilbert
panicked. Thank GOD my nation is a multiple-lingual nation... I think...
"Gilbert! Calm down! Theres no such thing as an air traffic jam! And
besides. I barely have enough cash in my account to pay this month's
subscription to Game Fly. How am I supposed to afford a two-way flight to
GERM-"
"AL."
"Sorry, PRUSSIA. How!? I'm sorry, Gil... I don't think it's a grea-"
"I'll fly you. Both vays. Unless I can get you to stay vith me~
Kesesese~" The Prussian cut me off. "I'll pay for EVERYTHING! I
swear to gott! Please?! Joo von't be sorry! I'm already out of
Prussia!"
"I don't know, Gilbert... I barely know any German. Before you say
Prussian, I know for a FACT that Prussian is not a language. Nice try,
though." I laid onto my back, facing the ceiling.
"Okay; first off. Wie oft haben Sie in Deutsch geträumt?" Gilbert
asked me. I just made a face.
"What? I've never dreamt in Ger-"
" Sexuelle Fantasien enthalten." Gilbert chuckled. I blushed brightly
and muttered my answer.
"Somewhere around five..." I gave a little smirk, and i could hear
Gil blubbering and stuttering random nonsense...
"Z-Zweitens haben Sie bis jetzt nicht aufgefallen, dass Sie Englisch
sprechen, ich Deutsch spreche, aber du verstehst mich vollkommen klar? Wir tun
dies jedes Mal, wenn ich rufe!" Gilbert giggled, and I dropped my cell
phone onto the couch when I realized... I could understand German.
"Aww ... Nun, da ich verstehe, kann ich dies tun ... Warum willst du mich
zu gehen da drüben so schlecht?" I giggled, a slight crack of awe in my
voice.
"I really do miss joo! Ve haven't actually seen each other in... Five
years?"
"Five months, Gilbert. Five months. It FEELS like five years, because
you've been sitting on your ass the entire time, playing Minecraft." I
smiled, snuggling into the couch as I positioned myself upside-down on the sofa
cushions.
"Eizer vay, it's too long. I'm on mein jet right now; I'll be flying over
Italy in about... Half an hour. If joo aren't packed by the time Ich arrive,
I'll just help joo~ I'm really sorry for such short notice, but-"
"Gil. Don't apologize. I can't wait. I'm so excited to see you again! But
I gotta ask.. How long would you like me to stay?" I asked, nearly falling
over because of my shaking with anticipation.
"One veek. Minimum." He cackled, and I couldn't help but let out a
quiet giggle. Bad mistake. As soon as I laughed, I lost my balance and toppled
over backwards off the couch. I let out a quiet yelp as my face made impact
with the floor, and Gilbert was heard letting out a gasp at the loud thud the
fall created.
"Ouch..." I whimpered, my arm bent in a shape that it WASN'T
supposed to be in. I gave my leg a lurch forward, and I heard a fucking POP.
"What the hell happened to me!?"
"Alfred!? Fuck! Alfred?! Hey, bist du okay!? What happened!? What was
that crash!?" Gil panicked, and then following that, a command to the
pilot to reach top speed was heard on his line.
"Gilbert. Calm down! I just fell off the couch. Yeah, I suppose I should
explain that... I was upside down, and I lost my balance when I let out that
uncharacteristically sweet giggle, and I sorta just toppled over. I landed on
my freaking face, though!" I laughed, although it turned into yet ANOTHER
giggle. Something was SERIOUSLY wrong with me.
"Hmph... Okay. Just, please don't hurt joorself...? Ve just exited
Europe. I love mein fast jet~ Und ze hot flight attendants zat I hired to...
attend... It. Ach, but vonce I pick joo up, ve can take as much time as joo
vant~ Kesesesese!" Gilbert cackled seductively, causing me to let out a
high-pitched squeak. "Ooh~ Dude! Joo! Joo freaking just squeaked! Vait
until joo get vat I'm doing ven I get to joor house~ Joo vill jizz in joor
pants! Zat is, if joo still have zem on by zen~ I've been kind of obsessed vith
ripping ze pants off of really sexy peoples lately. It's totally
un-awesome." The Prussian snickered evilly, and I felt a hotness climbing
into my face.
"I wouldn't mind." I chuckled, standing up to walk into my room.
"But seriously... How long do you think I can stay with ya..?" I
asked with a giggle as I swooned over to my closet, and I pulled out a giant
suitcase on wheels after opening the doors.
"I vant joo to stay vith me forever..." Gilbert whined sadly, and I
bit my lip. "Und I know joo can't... But I need to be able to see joo more
often. I've been really depressed because I haven't... Und let's just say... Vy
don't joo come for two veeks, und zen if it is okay, I vill stay vith joo
forever!" The Prussian cheered happily.
"I do have an empty guest bedroom that I need to fill in the next four
weeks... And it really is lonely here. Plus I love having you around, so...
Deal."
"Alfred, joo are ze AWESOMEST Jung-Spielzeug a Prussian could ever have!
I'm flying over Ze North American neighborhoods right now. I'll help joo pack
ven I get to joor home~ Right now I have to go, zough. I'm just about to land
in ze terminal. Unfortunately France is being as arschloch, and he's stealing
mein fast jet for ze night... Freaking arsch-fuck. Ve're going to have to use
mein normal private jet. Is zat okay?" Gilbert asked.
"Yeah, of course! Like you said. Ve can take as much time as joo vant~
Kesesesese!" I laughed childishly, and I pulled my pajama tee over my
head. "Also, Mein Preußischen Meister, I've never been in a private jet
before. At all. So I could really care less as to how fast it goes. So... Get
your awesome ass over here and be with your Boy-Toy!" I yelled happily,
and I heard Gilbert whine.
"Mein gott... A-Auf Wiedersehen! I'll be right zere, mein liebling
Jung-Spielzeug! Mein Five-Meters of Awesome shall save joo from joor
misery!" Oh god. He was going to save me with his Five-Meter...
"B-bye, Gil...! See ya soon..." I laughed nervously, and I hung up.
Oh shit... "Welp, better get ready..." I blushed brightly. After
tossing my shirt into my hamper, I pulled my pants and boxers lower on my hips
until a portion of my pelvis was visible; I tussled up my hair, giving it a
sort of suggestive style, and I brung a shaky, nervous hand to my Nantucket,
and I gave it an encouraging tug. Why was I so sensitive when I was around- or
going to be around- Gilbert... My meat-supreme hardened twice it's original
size, and I jogged back the living room, sitting on the couch in a VERY
seductive pose, and I waited.