Disclaimer: The shows existing characters, storylines and references are not mine.

Chapter One: You Know, Don't You?

Grissom had been feeling strange lately, he wasn't able to fully concentrate on his work and he had trouble processing everything that came in his direction, he couldn't even talk with the basic grammar that even an eight-year old possessed. Though he had felt like this for over a decade now, he got to actually experience the feeling of being incomplete and clinging onto his needs.

He was called away for a case earlier, a father had killed his wife and daughter after years of physical, emotional and sexual abuse, then he had killed himself, probably not being able to stand the fact that he had nothing left.

Catherine walked into his office and took a seat without him noticing her presence. "You seem a bit lost." she said maybe a bit too chippy.

Grissom was immediately pulled from his thoughts and was startled by the sudden presence. "Geez Cath!" he said rubbing his forehead.

"What's up Gil? And don't say that nothing is 'cause that's just a load of B.S." she pointed out to him.

He wasn't sure what he should answer without giving away too much of himself, he decided it wouldn't really matter. Catherine had been his best friend for years and he hated lying to her. He sighed and answered. "I just feel a bit off. I'm a bit distracted, that's all."

A grin appeared on Catherine's face. "What catches your attention?" she said clearly enjoying his uncomfortable state.

"I just, I just-" He stammered not really knowing what to tell her.

As she saw him struggle she didn't even consider making it easier for him. "You just what Gil?"

Before he could answer the question Sara walked into his office, his heart skipped a beat when he saw her. She was wearing tight-fitting jeans, a white tank top and a black-buttoned shirt over it. It was a simple attire but it meant more to Grissom. She looked absolutely stunning and his mouth immediately dropped at the sight of her. She held a file in her hand and rested her other hand on the back of Catherine's chair, unaware of Grissom's reaction.

"Hey you guys, Ecklie put me on your case" She said half disappointed. Her shy smile was burning into Grissom's eyes and he started to feel faint. "I just solved another cold case and he thought I should do something more alive, whatever that means. I solved eighteen cold cases in five weeks, I don't think he likes the fact that I broke the days record." She said with a light grin on her face.

Grissom felt his body temperature increase, his eyes reached out to her, somehow he managed to restrain himself from walking over to her. "Uh…Ok, so have you been able to catch up with the case?" He asked to distract himself from his thoughts.

"Pretty much, most of the details weren't yet included in the preliminary report." She sighed.

Catherine turned her chair around to get a better view of Sara. "You do know about the gun right?" She asked to avoid Sara noticing Grissom was staring at her shamelessly.

"It was found in the fathers hand, there was some blue substance on it, I'll send it to Trace." She answered nodding.

"I'll bring you up to speed with the details later. I still have to discuss some things with the boss first." Catherine said, attempting to shoo Sara away.

"Ok, page me if you find anything relevant." She said passing them a small smile. She slowly turned around and walked away with her hand in her back pocket.

The moment she left Catherine turned to Grissom and gave him a bullying look, she could see that from the moment Sara had left, a huge weight was pulled from his shoulders but was boomeranged back harshly when he saw the corners Catherine's mouth rise. He would need a while to recover but she didn't hesitate to even consider giving him that time.

"So maybe a little time away from her will cure your attention disorder? O wait, no that would make it worse right?" She shot at him with a slightly evil grin. "Grissom, I know the little boy inside you died a long time ago but get over with it already!" She whined.

His eyes widened and became more uncomfortable by the second. "You know, don't you?" He asked, not sure what to make of her comment.

Catherine slapped the arm of her chair and sat up straight. A wide smile appeared on her face as she answered with pleasure in her eyes. "Ever since she got here you've been acting different, you've been handling things differently, professional and personal. There's always been a tension between you two and that was clearly from before she got here, she's been a student of yours right? I don't think it's hard for a strictly rational guy to create an attraction subconsciously with probably the smartest student he ever had."

Her smile faded a bit by the thought that he had suffered on his own actions for such a long time and started feeling sorry for her over the top interest, although she wanted to finish her point for him to take a chance. "Over the years it's gotten worse Gil! Remember the Debbie Marlin case? Of course you do, you were restless, you wanted to find the killer too much, even for our job. You wanted to find someone who had killed a girl that looked like her, Gil, it wasn't her, it was creepy but it wasn't her! Brass slipped about your little speech to that doctor, doesn't that prove to you that you can't handle things this way?" She exhaled, regaining her breath as she looked at him satisfied of the impression she'd made on him.

He was surprised of the sudden burst of his thoughts out of her mouth. "I just can't take this anymore Cath! She means everything to me and I can't risk making a mistake, I've hurt her too many times and I can't afford to lose her! If she left Vegas, if she left me, If anything would happen to her, I'd kill myself!" He was shocked of his words and the fact that he just blurted that out; it suddenly became clear to him.

A bit shocked she returned to supporting him. "Gil, she's a great girl that you can relate to, she's been burned a lot in the past that's why she buries herself in her work. You've got to do somethin' fast, she's young, attractive, smart etcetera, she'll find somebody else! She gave up on you Gil, when you screwed it up by not telling her everything that she should have known. You love her Gil, stop denying it, even if it jeopardises your job! It doesn't make you any happier." Catherine sighed.

She exhaled and continued with a much calmer voice. "Do you know how many guys she turns down every month because she knows she won't be into it? It's not just your life that's on hold, hers too, she doesn't do it willingly, she wants to move on but by confusing her she can't Gil. You have to stop doing this to her." She turned silent and watched him think, hoping that he didn't take it the wrong way.

Grissom felt his hart break by reality getting to him, he had hurt her and he continued doing it without even realizing it. A tear ran down his cheek. "I want to, I just don't know how to act, I'm bad at these kind of things. I want her, I want her so bad, I just don't know how to fix this!" He slid his hands through his hair and glanced back at Catherine.

Catherine leaned forward. "When the time is right, tell her what you just told me, tell her the truth Gil, and don't wait too long. Tell her everything you ever wanted to say to her, don't confuse her. Don't stop until you've made yourself clear and don't do it on the job or in front of anybody else. She more than deserves your attention and your time. If you get it clear..." She didn't finish her sentence; she just shook her head, stood up and walked out of his office leaving him behind, confused, angry and astonished.

Grissom remained seated and immediately started thinking of a possible approach, he ruled out lunch break 'cause they'd have to work after that. He decided to tell her after the shift, hoping she wouldn't have to pull a double.

He went back to the layout-room and tried to work, which was impossible for him to do at the moment. He prayed for it to go well and for him to push through. "I don't want to hurt her anymore!"

My first fic, More Coming… (Last re-edit: Saturday, 25th of August, 2007)

Written by: Kacey Cunningham ©