RFSP episode #102
The Game Isn't Bad, Just Some Involved With It
Synopsis: The AGA Finals golf tournaments have now started and the whole town of South Park is excited to finally attend what they won from the sweepstakes, minus Liane Cartman, who is still worked up over the whole ordeal for a mysterious reason. Despite any efforts to keep his secret operation with his classmates a secret, Dylan Scralp is forced to reveal his operation to the boys when Bebe and Ike suddenly go missing. To top it all off, Stan finds himself attempting to answer a very difficult question: Does he still have any feelings for Wendy?
The Game Isn't Bad, Just Some Involved With It
Chapter 1-The First Day
A/N: Hello again everyone! Welcome to episode 2 of Rad Fanon South Park! I apologize if the first one was somewhat bland, but the first 4 episodes of RFSP are all a four part episode, so naturally the first one might not be as entertaining. But hopefully, you'll see that the action picks up in this one. So enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to South Park that appears in this story. I only own my OC's.
The first practice day of the AGA Men's Finals golf tournament had finally arrived. The day to kick off the event as a whole was finally upon the town of Nexton, North Carolina. Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and Butters had just arrived with their families via a Nexton resort shuttle and were waiting on Kyle to get there, since he was staying with the Scralp's.
"Anybody see Kyle around here?" Stan asked anybody who was listening.
"Screw the Jew boy, let's go in without him!" Cartman retorted.
No sooner had the self-proclaimed big-boned child spoken those words, Dylan Scralp's car came into view with all four Broflovski's inside.
"Morning everyone!" Dylan greeted everyone as he stepped out.
"You guys ready for this?"
"Hell yeah we are!" Kyle replied as he stepped out.
"Nobody brought anything forbidden did they?" Dylan asked as he motioned towards a tent labeled "Prohibited Items".
"No, but I prayed that my dad wouldn't." Stan answered.
"I'll bet you five dollars he doesn't make it through security" Dylan challenged.
"Sure, whatever." Stan replied rather hesitantly.
The group approached a large security tent, which acted as the gate. Dylan went through the bag check first, and once given the green light, walked to the end of the tent and waited on everyone else. Sharon, Shelley, and Stan all got through fine, but naturally, Randy had an issue.
"Sir, what is this?" a security guard, with a sort of monotone voice, asked him as held up a teeny-tiny video camera of some kind.
"Oh it's OK; I'm one of the contest winners. You know, VIP and stuff."
"Rules are rules sir."
"Oh come on! How is that going to distract any golfers!?"
"Oh Jesus Christ, not again!" Stan muttered as he pinched his nose.
"It could make a small, barely audible, noise when you start recording." The security officer continued.
"But I can mute that though!"
"It could still distract the golfer and make him anxious since people are watching him and all."
"But I'm one of millions watching him!"
"Randy, just give him the damn camera!" Sharon pleaded.
"Oh no Sharon! These rules are illogical, and I aim to strike down this bullshit!"
"Suit yourself." The security guard took out a can of pepper spray and hosed Randy in the face with it, who immediately started vomiting.
Sharon sighed. "I knew he wouldn't keep his word about changing." Stan gave Dylan a $5 dollar bill and Kenny even took out a tally sheet and added another mark to it.
"Get him to the 1st Aid tent and MAKE SURE he knows the rules." The security officer said to one of his fellow security officers as Randy was dragged off. Once that was all done, the rest of the group got through security without any problems and continued walking. About 34.6754398 seconds later, they made it to the top of the entrance road everything was set up on, where they could see the golf courses laid out before them.
"Whoa, how many golf courses are there?" Kyle inquired.
"The resort as a whole actually has about six. The first four are all over here and the Sapphire course is the most famous one as well as the one the tournament participants play on. The other 3, or at least parts of them, are where all the tents and stuff are set up."
The kids started to gaze in awe at what lay before them: Grandstands, and TV cameras, and the like.
"Whoa that's so cool!" Cartman exclaimed.
"Well you kids run along now and have fun!" Sheila stated.
"You're letting us go alone?" Kyle questioned.
"Absolutely not! Dylan do you mind staying with them? I'm sure Liane and Linda would appreciate it!"
"No problem. My family won't be here for a little while longer. I don't really have anyone else to be with right now."
"Thank you! Be good Kyle!"
"He's safe with me Liane." Dylan whispered under his breath as the adults walked off.
"Oh boy fellas! This is going to be awesome! And for two weeks too!" Butters exclaimed.
("This is just a practice round though, right?")
"Yeah, the real thing starts Thursday. So uh, you guys want to check out the sponsor tents first?"
"What's in it?"
"Beats me."
"Might as well then."
The group walked over to a series of tents that were all built on high-raised platforms, which had a carpet of sorts on them as well.
"Let's see…." Stan observed the area. "Some kind of education-corporation sponsor tie-in tent, Toyota tent, a concessions tent, and some others. How much money do you guys have?"
"Dylan's dad said that even though we're VIP and shit, we still have to pay for the "basic concessions" and merchandise at the tournament. Everything else on this entire trip, both inside the tournament grounds and out, is free for us." Kyle answered.
"Gee Kenny; your family's pretty lucky." Cartman smirked.
"Yeah, well how much money did you bring for food fat ass? $200?" Stan asked him, which made the others laugh
Just then an AGA volunteer walked up to the boys with a box full of headphones and audio receivers.
"Hey you guys want some of these? It's live audio footage of the tournament, so you can still get updated even if you're not there."
Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters all immediately went for it. Kenny was about to, but Dylan pushed him aside.
"He's deaf." Dylan lied.
"That's too bad. Enjoy the day!"
("What the fuck was that for?") Kenny whispered to Dylan.
"Trust me dude, you don't want these things. My team ran a few scans on them and found out that they pick up some sort of neurological brain wave mechanism. I'm not sure what, but it sounds like part of the AGA's plan might have something to do with mind control of some sort!"
("Well then don't let my friends use them!")
"And expose my team and your involvement with it? I don't think so."
"Aw man." Kyle uttered. "My headset's just picking up something about basketball!
"Yeah so is mine!"
"They're probably just tuned to ESPN or something and not some special radio channel."
Meanwhile over at the 1st Aid tent, Sharon and Shelley dropped by to get Randy, who was led out by a security officer.
"So do we KNOW the rules now?" the guard asked him.
"Y…yes." Randy said as he coughed from the pepper spray.
"Are you ready to not make an ass of yourself?" Sharon asked.
"Yeah…I think so. God that pepper spray really stung…."
"You'll get over it, c'mon."
As the three of them walked away, the officer who dragged Randy out of the tent pulled out a walkie-talkie and spoke quietly into it.
"This is Martin. Had a rule breaker at the bag check, but I took care of him."
"Excellent work." Replied the voice on the other end. "You're sure you took GOOD care of him?"
"Affirmative commander."
"But he is from South Park, so I want you to keep some tabs on him and his family, especially his son. And don't forget to keep an eye out for that blonde girl too."
"Roger that. Over and out."
While this was happening at the tournament grounds, Sara, Edith, and Chris were huddled around a computer in the EOH Juniors' underground base, trying to get the monitor to display something.
"Is the connection secure or not?" Sara asked Chris impatiently.
"Yes Sara, it is!" Chris said right before the screen finally turned on. "Ah ha! There we are!"
"Ew, why did Dylan put the new camera in a bathroom stall!?" said a disgusted Edith.
"He said it was more discrete that way." Chris answered. "Besides, we all know how long he takes in there. It'd be good if he had a lot of info to give us."
A few seconds later, the door to the stall the camera was in opened up and Dylan walked inside. After a few seconds of searching, Dylan finally found his end of the camera.
"Can you guys hear me?"
"Loud and clear!"
"Great!"
"Everything alright over there?"
"So far so good, but I'm not sure if it ever was."
"What do you mean?"
"Stan's dad got dragged away by security. He was trying to sneak in a small video camera, but when he refused, security sprayed him with pepper spray and took him to 1st Aid.
"So?" Chris wondered. "Randy's always like that."
"I know but…after he got sprayed, a different security guard took him to the 1st Aid tent. Before they left, the one who sprayed him told the other guy to make sure Randy knows the rules. It was his tone of voice and emphasis on the "make sure" part that worries me. And now Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters have those little earphone things. I told Kenny what we found out about them and he didn't get one. What about you guys?"
"As you know, Anna and Carmen are working a food tent right now. They should be there already. We also sent in Aaron and Casey to cover more ground. Maria will be there in the afternoon."
"Who else from South Park is there? Did you scan the grounds?"
"We did, but for now it seems to be just their mayor and that Scott Malkinson kid. We're thinking that Stan's ex and her friends will be by at around noon."
"Glad you told me that. And what about-."
A loud banging on the stall door was heard.
"Hurry up I got to take a shit!" Cartman yelled.
Dylan leaned in closer to the camera. "Oops. I got to go. Fill me in later." He walked out and Cartman immediately went in.
"About time asshole!"
"Oh quiet you!"
Cartman sat down on the toilet and started making a few grunting noises, which was the only indication Chris needed to turn the camera off out of pure disgust.
Later at Noon, Wendy, Bebe, and Red had taken a seat in the grandstand at the 12th hole of the Sapphire course, where they spent most of the time gawking at whatever handsome golfer came their way with a pair of binoculars.
The well-known Anderson Bedford made his way to the putting green and prepared himself. After a few practice swings, he put the golf ball into the hole. He started to walk away as everyone cheered.
"That one was hot!" Red exclaimed.
"Who here isn't?" Bebe replied. "It's got to be at least 90 degrees out here!"
"Yeah I'm glad we didn't wear our coats!" Wendy said. "I'm surprised we haven't already passed out from these temperatures we've never lived in! Besides, that Polish guy was hotter."
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yeah-huh!"
"What about Sebastian Gandy?" Bebe asked.
"Eww!"
"That guy plays his balls in every hole!"
Heidi then entered the grandstand with four frozen lemonades.
"About time! What took you so long?"
"Give me a break! Its 90 degrees and it's the middle of the afternoon, of course there was a long line!
"Heidi, tell Red that the Polish guy is the hottest golfer here." Wendy asked her.
"You mean Justyn Henryk? I was going for Gavin Ochoa on that one."
The next day, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Butters, and Dylan were sitting in a grandstand by the 7th hole.
"Day two." Cartman said. "Things weren't so good for some of them yesterday. But luckily for them, this is still practice. If any of those guys get screwed over…blame the Jews and their evil leader, Kyle."
"Cartman!"
"But I can understand Kyle. I did some research and it turns out, none of these golfers are Jewish. This is clearly the Jew's form of revenge."
("That's literally one of the most retarded things you've ever said!")
"Yeah!"
As the four of them kept bickering, Dylan and Butters were having a pleasant conversation.
"But then my dad said 'You're grounded Mister!'"
"Just for having a 'bad' school picture?"
"Yeah! Eventually I got sick of society, so I made an evil alter ego of myself. I made a costume out of tinfoil and became…Professor Chaos!"
"So you're the kid dressed in tinfoil in that news story I saw?"
"Either me or Dougie."
"Dougie?"
"He's a 2nd grader who serves as my sidekick, General Disarray. With him at my side and my hamsters as minions, nothing stood in my way of seeking revenge on those who shunned me! Wha ha ha ha! Wha hah ha!"
"Butters we only kicked you out of our group because we thought you weren't doing a good job as Kenny's replacement." Stan replied.
"Yeah Tweek did much better." Kyle added.
"This is exactly why I created Professor Chaos…to seek revenge on all of society and to destroy the world! Aha hah ha!"
"I'm guessing you didn't succeed, huh?" Dylan asked.
"No." Butters answered with a hint of disappointment in his voice.
"What the hell did we even need a replacement friend for anyway?" Cartman wondered.
"I don't remember…I think Kenny was on vacation or something."
("I WAS DEAD FOR A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR!")
"What? That's bullshit. If you were dead you wouldn't be here right now." Cartman retorted, which got Kenny quite mad.
"Guys look! It's Anderson Bedford!"
Nearby a TV announcer's voice could be heard.
"And Anderson Bedford takes a swing at the 7th hole…oh and what a fantastic swing that was! I can't even see where the ball went!"
"Where the hell did it go?" Kyle asked.
As soon as he did though, the golf ball struck Kenny's eye, causing him to fall over and start bleeding. Kenny than died a few seconds later.
"Oh my God! Anderson Bedford killed Kenny!"
"You bastard!" Kyle yelled out to Anderson Bedford.
"Oh Jesus!" Butters exclaimed.
Dylan on the other hand, only pretended to freak out.
"He was such a good pal…only to be killed…by a…golf ball." Stan said in a very sad tone.
The next day, the six boys, Kenny including, were sitting in a grandstand at the 12th hole, when Cartman said something Kenny found not amusing in the least.
"Hey Kenny, wouldn't it be cool if a golf ball flew over here and hit somebody?"
("Yes Cartman. That would be HILARIOUS.") Kenny sarcastically replied.
"Kenny are you OK?" asked Kyle.
("I was killed by a golf ball yesterday!")
"What? That's bullshit, you're just jealous I thought of that joke first!"
"Yeah!"
("Told you they wouldn't remember!") Kenny whispered to Dylan.
"And they never do?"
("Nope. Never.")
"Not even when your immortality somehow malfunctioned and you were dead for a whole year? They don't remember that?"
("Nope.")
"Yeesh…I'm sorry dude."
("How's that potion coming?")
"Not too well I'm afraid."
Justyn Henryk had approached the beginning of the hole and was beginning to prepare himself. Kyle pulled out a pair of binoculars and watched as Henryk took a few small practice swings and swing his club. The golf ball landed about two-thirds up the fairway and stopped. When it looked as if it had completely stopped, the ball suddenly rolled a little bit away from the hole. While everyone else cheered, Kyle was left confused.
"Huh?"
"What?"
"Did anybody else see how the ball stopped and then rolled AWAY from the green?"
"So?"
"The fairway is FLAT! There's no way it could have rolled further away from the green!" That got Dylan's attention.
"The modifications!" Dylan whispered to himself. "That's how they altered the course! They rigged it!"
"That sounds a little far-fetched Kyle." Stan added.
"You guys it's quite obvious that Kyle is hallucinating from the heat." Cartman theorized.
"I am not! I swear I saw what I saw! C'mon if we get to another hole it might happen again, follow me!"
As the boys left, a marshal, who overheard everything Kyle said, waited until he was out of earshot of the crowd and pulled out a walkie-talkie.
"This is Echo down at Sector 4. We have a termite in the tree farm. I repeat: We have a termite in the tree farm."
"Is it one of those damn kids?" asked the voice on the other end.
"Affirmative."
"I knew they'd catch on first."
"You want me to take care of him?"
"No. Don't do anything for now. In a few days, we should be ready for the next phase of our plan!"
A/N: So what do you all think? Is episode 2 better or worse than episode 1? Any reviews would be greatly appreciated!