Chapter 1

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

Kate's mouth opened, in shock, in pain,... In love. They had met here to discuss their future, how they would go about their lives. Not they're future 'together'.

Thoughts took over her mind, and she started blindly at Rick, seeing his desperation and passion. She knew this moment would come, and she was waiting for it. She knew this didn't seem like the best occasion to do so, after a fight, an argument, but to her it was perfect.

She knew her answer, she had from the start.

"No, Castle" she said, shouting at him.

His face fell, in his mind he had prepared himself for any outcome, hoped and hoped it wouldn't be this, but in reality, the preparation did nothing. His heart wrenched for hers. This couldn't be happening.

Kate lunged for Castle, "No" as she wiped him clean off the swing and they tumbled down in a heap on the floor.

She thought they had made it, until she looked down. Blood poured out from beneath Castle's chest, mirroring the tears cascading down the side of Kates face. After all they'd been through, all they'd done, a proposal. It wouldn't end this way it couldn't.

"Help" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Anybody, help, call an ambulance immediately". She wept over his body, applying pressure to the wound, trying with all her might to keep him with her.

His eyes were still open. He was conscious, but couldn't react. She knew he could hear what was going on, in fact she had experienced it herself, so knew he could hear her.

"Rick I love you. This isn't the end. I'm sorry for ever thinking about considering the job. It's you I want, right from the start. You can't leave me, not when we've got this far, breaking down walls and beating the odds to be together. I know you can hear me now, so remember we will get through this. We have to. Don't give up hope." With shaky hands, she took the ring out of his hand, and said "And yes Rick, I will marry you."

Chapter 2

She reached down and kiss him, tears descending down her cheek and landing upon his frozen face, she kissed him hard and deep, hoping for any feeling to stay with him but his lips remained limp and lifeless to her warm touch.

Someone had evidently heard the gunshot and called 911 immediately because as she withdrew from kissing him again, she heard the sirens and saw the flashing lights coming in her direction.

Within seconds the park was swarmed with police, paramedics and anyone willing to help. It was too much for her, she couldn't face watching Rick being picked up limp and being layer on a stretcher, the paramedics attaching wires and life support to him. He would hold on she thought, she hoped.

As she climbed into the back of the ambulance to await Castles stretcher to enter through the big doors, she was startled to find somebody already seated there waiting for her.

Lanie was sat, arms outstretched and Kate reached for her and hugged her, weeping on her shoulder. She stayed there for minutes, while Laine remained quiet, giving Beckett all the time she needed to let it out.

She knew what had happened, the ME had had a phonecall as soon as the paramedics knew about the incident; because someone had recognised Castle as he was laying wounded.

She had to come, to comfort Kate. To reassure her that everything was going to be okay.

But Kate knew about reassurances, sometimes they're just not enough. She had already lost her mother, and almost her dad as he went through a rocky stage of his life, she couldn't loose her lifelong happiness with the one man who stole her heart from the first moment she layed eyes on him.

Eventually Kate sat up, and through blurry eyes; she spoke to Lanie. "I saw a man dressed in black, behind a tree, but saw no weapon. Then I looked again and he was armed, pointing the gun towards us. But.. But I was to late, and as I tackled Castle to the ground, it had already hit him".

She now knew exactly how Castle had felt on that hearth wrenching day when Beckett too had been shot. The pain, the fear, the worry, and the hope.

"It's gunna be okay girl" said Lanie, as the stretcher began being lifted into the back of the ambulance. Castle was still unconscious, but she knew from the way he was being supported that there was still a life in him. "Look, we will get him to the hospital, and I will be here, next to you the whole time".

It should have reassured Kate, Lanie, the fact that there was still a chance of Rick living. But for her it wasn't enough. And she knew why.

"But Lanie", she said trying to fight back the tears that kept rolling down her pale face and dropping into the golden curls that framed her shoulders, "you don't understand".

"I do" Lanie countered back "he's been in this position too, and if I know Castle, he will be fighting to spend the rest of his life with you".

Kate couldn't hold back from telling Lanie anymore. She had to, she needed to tell someone. "Rick proposed to me".

She dropped her head to her hands and wept so more. She never expected a moment like this to turn out so wrong. The ME registered what Kate had said as at that moment she pulled Kate's head up and looked her right in the eye.

"Oh honey, you can do this. Ill help you get through". And Lanie leaned in to hug Kate and it stayed that way for the rest of the journey to the hospital.

Chapter 3

Kate didn't know how she survived the trip to the hospital without running over to castles body and hugging it. But she had to restrain, she couldn't put herself through the pain of it.

She was now sat in the waiting room, the ME by her side. "I'll go get us some coffee. Stay right here, I'll be back in a few".

This was the first time Kate had been alone since castle had been shot. Everything was too overwhelming for her to think about all at once. Thought after thought ran through her brain. What started as hopefulness ended as worst case scenario. The pain became worse and unbearable. She couldn't take it. She stood up to run, go anywhere. But she couldn't bring herself to leave.

The operating room where Castle was was opposite, and she couldn't leave him. He didn't for her and she knew she had to do the same.

As she sat down, Lanie came back with a coffee in each hand and handed one to Beckett. "Drink up. You'll be needing it". As Kate drank the first sip of her drink, she head footsteps coming down the empty corridor.

It was Martha and Alexis. In all Kate's worry she had forgotten to call them, but either the ME or the hospital had, because Martha was walking with open arms towards Kate, and she great fully accepted them. "Don't worry yourself dear, I know we can get through this, you're our family now, and don't worry."

Alexis too wandered over and gave Kate a hug. It made her warm inside, to know that Alexis was beginning to accept her into the family. This made her lighten up slightly.

Her mind drifted to a case she suddenly remembered about from a while ago. Castle had said to her that if anything was to ever happen to him, that he wanted her to look after Alexis.

The though brought the tears back, and she could see that Martha and Alexis had shared their fair tears already, but they were beginning again also.

Alexis hadn't said much, and Kate guessed she was to overwhelmed and couldn't bring herself to say anything.

All they were thinking about was hope, and that Castle would come out of the operation room alive.

After the silence was becoming too much, Kate broke it. "Martha, I can't help but feeling like I need to apologise. I seem to attract danger wherever-".

"Don't say that, Kate. It has never been your fault." Martha came and rested her hands on Kate's shoulders. "He signed up for this the day he fell for you, and danger was inevitable. But never blame yourself for this, it was not your fault".

It was not till Martha drew away that she noticed something sparkly on Kate's finger. She reached for Kate's hand and drew it towards her.

"Oh Kate, darling, whatever happened?"

Tears again welled up in her eyes, she guessed she would have to relive the tale, to tell Martha and Alexis. They had a right to know, they were his family. And despite the fact that Castle may not have wanted them to know, she felt it necessary now.

"We were talking, on the swings. I've been offered a job in DC. I didn't tell Castle, but he found out, and we... Well... We fell out." She reached up and delicately wiped her eyes with a tissue Lanie had given her earlier. "But that's why we were there. We needed to sort things out and talk things over. Decide what we really wanted for our future."

Our future Kate thought, he may not have a future any more and a sharp feeling stabbed Kate in the gut. She couldn't think like that.

"So as I tried to talk, He stopped me and said he needed to say something. So I let him. He started off angry, but in reality, he was just letting all his feelings out which is what we needed. To share. And then he said whatever happens, he wants to be with me."

Again she paused. 'Whatever happens'. This is certainly not what the whatever happens meant, and hoped that it never would happen again.

"And then he reached for his pocket and got down on one knee. He said Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

Martha and Alexis smiled slightly at the thought, at last he has picked up the courage, and a look of happiness passed between them. Kate continued.

"But then in the distance I saw someone. A man. I didn't think anything at first, couldn't see him armed. But then I looked back, because it seemed suspicious. He had drawn a gun and was aiming it at us".

Alexis winced at the thought and Martha came by her side, and they supported each other ready to hear the unbearable part of the story.

"I tackled him to the ground hoping to save us from the first shot so that we could get away by the time he assessed the situation. But I was too late".

Lanie came and led Kate to the chair once again. And they all sat down to take in the information. No one dared to speak, they just let the silence work it's way through the space.

It wasn't until minutes later when a sound broke the silence, and it was Kate's phone.

Chapter 4

"Beckett" she answered down the phone. Everyone crowded round, eager to know who was on the other end of the line. It was Ryan and Espisito, calling from the precinct.

"Beckett, are you okay?" Asked Espo from the precinct. "Yeah we're really worried" Ryan chimed in, wanting to guarantee their bosses, and their close friend's feelings.

"To tell the truth, I'm not doing great. But I've got Lanie with me, and Martha and Alexis, and were all managing just about".

"Do you need us to do anything at all? Just tell us what you want and we'll do it Kate" said Espo, and she could hear the genuine concern in his voice.

"It's okay guys. I think we have enough people here for now. But I know Castle will want you guys to know what's going on. So I promise one of us will keep you up to date."

"Kate. We will catch whoever did this, we will make sure of it. Just make sure Castle's okay." Ryan always knew how to keep everyone's feelings under raps.

"Just one more thing guys. How do you know? I mean I'm so glad you do, but I don't want too much spread, not when we don't know what the hells going on."

"Don't worry chica. It was Gates. She was called and automatically let us know."

"Looks like she has a soft spot for Castle after all" Ryan said, a joke seemed like the right thing to lift people's spirits, even if it was only by a little bit.

"Thankyou" was all Kate replied, all she could manage. Kevin and Javi obviously guessed the silence was what she needed, so replied with a simple "always" in unison and hung up.

Kate needed that, the voices of her friends, people close to her. Her family. Everyone else I'm the corridor sensed it too, and there was a strange sensation pulling them together, and they ended up in a small huddle, hugging each other as reassurance.

As Kate broke away from the group. She had a thought. Dad. Should she phone her dad. Although Castle wasn't actually family, though he was as close as it got, would he want to know?

She decided yes. If it was the other way round which she knew it had been, of course Rick would have phoned his mother. After all, it was her dad who had encouraged her, told her that Castle was good for her, the best thing to ever happen to her.

She smiled, for what seemed like the first time since the incident. The people she cared about the most supported what they had, and it was all she could ever ask for.

"Dad" she said down the phone.

"Katie sweetheart, how are you?"

Kate paused, didn't know how to start. She couldn't bare to retell the story again, and she didn't want to put her father through another pang of pain. He sensed her pause.

"Katie, what's up?"

"Dad. It's Castle. We were sat in the park, after I came to talk to you. And well, he got shot. It all happened so quickly."

She heard a swallow at the end of the line, her dad taking in what she had just told him. She continued.

"We're in the hospital now, me, Lanie, Martha and Alexis, and Castle's still in surgery."

She paused and waited for a response from him.

"Kate. Katie." He was the only person who called her Katie, it was special, and she liked that. "As long as he's surrounded by the people he cares about the most, it will be okay. He's a strong man. He can pull through."

As much as Kate wanted these words to be true, she could still only hope. Everyone had been saying them, but they had not been there and they hadn't witnessed what actually happened.

"I just thought you should know dad. I mean after what he's done for me."

"I know. When it was you, he was there. So he will be glad you are there doing the same. I love you, Katie"

With that he hung up. He knew her well, knew she needed the silence and space.

She was thankful now that she had called him. She needed that.

As Kate put the phone down, she sighed a heavy sigh, feeling the weight of the situation pour out of every part of her body. Martha, who was sat next to her, reached for her arm, and with a knowing pat said "hang in there kiddo".

Kate felt blessed. Having these people around her that cared for her as much as they cared for Castle. And Lanie, she couldn't ask for a better friend. Lanie had been with Kate through everything. When she needed her the most, when she didn't need her, and generally just being there. It's what made everyone so close. They weren't related, they were just one tight knitted family. And that's what everyone needs. A family.

Chapter 5

They'd been sat in silence for a while now. Appreciating each others company in the relentless wait for the end of Castles surgery.

Occasionally they would all look up, acknowledge each others pain, but not speak, just understand through the silence.

Alexis' head was resting on Martha's shoulder, and they were hooked on each others arms. How lucky Kate felt to be welcomed by such a loving family.

Lanie was next to Kate, a hand resting firmly on her knee. Usually she wouldn't accept it, pretend she didn't need the support. But she did, everyone did, and for that she was grateful.

They had been waiting for hours now. And the pressure of everything was compiling on all of them. They were tired, they were hungry, they were worried.

Lanie offered to go and get everyone food. They were all too tired to protest so without another word she got up and headed for the hospital vending machine to find something for them all.

Kate never pictured their argument ending like this. After all, that's what it had been, an argument. They'd had arguments before, but compared to this, they seemed petty. Of course they didn't end up like this, but the ending was nothing to do with the argument, it just felt like it made the argument 100 times worse than it actually was.

She hated herself for every considering the job offer now, how if she had dismissed it in the first place, they may not have been sat on that swing set in the park. They might not have fought. He might not have got shot.

What ifs ran through her head. What ifs where never the way to go. They always ended in regret, doubt and worry.

Life couldn't be full of what ifs. After all they had got through in their 5 years, they couldn't 'what if' every time a bad situation occurred.

Sure they both made mistakes, everyone does, it's what makes them human. But what ifs were out of the picture. If they did wonder what if, then things would have ended up differently. They might not have been together, heck, they might not have even met each other.

She thought back to the first time she met him. Their first case 'together'. She wandered into a book signing, and with that she wandered into his life.

Then she arrested him, all in one day. Boy he liked to tease her. "My safe-word is apples", "I'd be happy to let you spank me", "oh, kinky."

She smiled, he always had a way to win her over, though she never would admit that. The irony of it was that he had her from the first case. She just wouldn't let him in.

She was thankful though, if things had happened differently right away then things might not have been as they are now.

Lanie returned with food, and she had a lot of it. Martha and Alexis happily took some, glad at last to be able to eat.

Kate however refused. Her stomach ached to much, thought she couldn't take it.

"No Kate, I know you, just like I know you need food. You're trying to pretend you can cope, but in reality, you feel the same as all of us. We're all sharing this worry together, so don't put yourself through the stress of this alone."

Kate was always so amazed at how well Lanie knew her, and Kate reluctantly admitted defeat and took the food out of Lanie's hand.

"And here's a coffee for everyone."

Coffee, that's exactly what she needed. Although no one else knew, this is what kept her grounded. Her and Rick shared a connection, and though it sounded strange, coffee meant so much to them. Just drinking it made her feel a tiny bit better. It was their thing. It put a smile on their faces and told each other just how much they loved them.

She sipped it gratefully, the warmth rushing through her veins and cashing her to shift in her seat.

It warmed her, and it gave her a little bit more hope. Things had gone so well between them. She'd never let anyone in as much as this before. He needed to make it out. For her, for them.

The surgery door opened. All their heads looked up at the same time. Kate's heart twisted and her stomach knotted. This was the moment they had been waiting for for hours.

Lanie knew that Kate would need support, so she reached for her hand, and held it tight. Kate turned to her and smiled, before refocusing on the surgeon that had just entered the corridor.

Alexis and Martha sat up, but stayed linked, hugging each other as reassurance.

Kate gaged nothing from the surgeons face, he gave nothing away. Once he could see he had everyone's attention, he began.

"Now, first and foremost, I can inform you that he is alive."

Kate's heart fluttered, hope was brewing and it made her so happy to hear it.

Apparently the others sensed it too because the air felt lighter, like the pressure was slowly going away.

"But-"

But. The one word she didn't want to hear. But could mean anything. Usually problems. Sometimes good things, but inevitably her heart was going to sink once again, she could sense it.

"There have been some complications."

Chapter 6

Martha gasped, and a tear rolled down the side of Alexis' cheek. She was too young to be dealing with this, she shouldn't have too. She was even younger than when the same had happened to Kate, and she knew it was a horrible situation to be in.

The pain it caused you, that stayed with you for the rest of your life. Kate had dealt with it and knew that no one should have to go through with it. Especially Alexis. She was so young, so innocent.

"Although he is alive, while performing the surgery, we noticed that the bullet was lodged further in than additionally expected. At first we thought that this was no problem, but as we tried to remove it, we couldn't. It's stuck. It narrowly missed the heart but is lodged right next to it. We can't leave it, because it will do too much harm. The only way to get it out is to move the heart. Unfortunately, we found that Rick has Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy.

This is when your heart is too big for your body."

Trust Castle, thought Kate. A heart that was too big. Maybe that's why he stuck around so long, he had a big enough to explore her, forgive her, love her.

"Although it is treatable, with the bullet being in there too, it's risky, and as we tried... Complications occurred. Now, another operation is still going on as we speak. Hopefully, this one will treat both the cardiomyopathy and take care of the bullet and it's wound. But it's risky. And there is a chance that it might not be successful."

'Might not be successful.' They were the last words that Kate wanted to think about. She couldn't deal with them. Not now.

Lanes grip tightened on Kate's hand, her way of telling her everything was going to be alright. Kate couldn't squeeze back, it was too much. The pain had made her body just as lifeless as the one she was earlier tearing over trying to save.

"The operation should end in a matter of minutes. And then I will be back to tell you the results."

Martha nodded with approval, and the surgeon walked back into the operating room.

That woman was strong thought Kate. As she was sat here, carrying all her baggage, Martha was sat across from her, keeping herself together for Alexis' sake, and for her sons sake.

Kate was glad that she had Martha in her life. Although she could never live up to her mother, she was an authority figure whom Kate could trust and rely on.

The minutes that passed dragged on, and this time, no one dared to speak, or even make eye contact with each other. They were all trying to cope with it in their own way. Clinging to survival.

Kate tilted her head back against the blank white wall that sat behind her. A wall. A wall she'd broken down and conquered. A wall that she had built ever since her mom had gone. A wall that Castle had helped her overcome, to become a stronger person, to become who she wanted to be. What they wanted to be.

Tears streamed down her face. There was no point in hiding how she felt. They were all letting their emotions take hold.

After what felt like hours, with reality it only being 15 minutes, the same surgeon came back out of the doors.

"The operation is over" no expression displayed on his face. He was trained to deliver the good news, and to deliver the bad. No one knew how this one would end up.

"And thankfully, he's still alive."

Alive. Castle was alive. Kate's stomach fluttered again, stronger this time. He was out of the operation, and he was alive.

"He is still unconscious, and he could be out of it for a while. We will need to monitor him, but in time, he should return back to his normal state."

Everyone felt better. He was okay. Lanie loosened her grip on Kate's hand, still not letting go though. Martha breathed a sigh of relief. And Alexis, she was just happy it was over.

"You can come in and see him if you want."

Chapter 7

Lanie said she would remain outside, and that she would call Ryan, Esposito and Gates to let them know.

Kate, Martha and Alexis all followed the surgeon into the operating room. He led them over to the far corner of the room. Castle was layed on the bed, eyes closed, attached to an enormous amount of support, slowly breathing.

Martha fell to his side, and held his hand. It was cold to touch, and it made her all the more determined to transfer her warmth to his frail body.

Kate turned. Alexis hadn't moved from her spot quite a distance from the bed. She sensed her uneasiness.

Kate walked over to her and wrapped her hands around her. Alexis hugged back, and wept onto Kate's shoulder.

It made Kate's gut squirm. She had been in that place too. All Kate could do was hold Alexis, support her.

But she knew that it was all too much. Alexis withdrew from Kate's arms and headed for the doors. Martha wanted to stay with Alexis, after all, she was most vulnerable and decided that Kate should have some alone time with him.

As they left the room, it was just Kate left. Her and Castle. She sat next to the bed, and reached for his hand.

She hoped for some recognition, anything, but his body lay still next to her.

She released her grasp on his, and slid the new ring off her finger. She held it, in both palms for a while, and began to speak.

"Rick. I love you so much. This ring. It means more than anything in the world to me. That you accept me. The way I am. After 5 years, you finally have me. I can't imagine what it was like for you, I put you through a lot. I pretended I didn't want you, that I didn't want your company. But truth is, that all I ever wanted from the moment I layed eyes on you. I knew that after working a couple of cases together that we were meant to be. We finished each others sentences, we brought each other coffee, we just worked well as a team. For years we had our fair share of disagreements, but we got through them. And then a year ago, when I came to you, drenched, and begged for you. I didn't deserve it. After what I put you through. I'm so lucky that you took me back. If it was anyone else, I might not have this ring on my finger now, a promise for forever. When you've pulled through this, we've pulled through this, I know we will share the rest of an amazing life together. I just wished we could have had longer. Longer to share our wonderful memories, to appreciate each others embrace and to live as partners for eternity. I don't say it often enough, but Thankyou. You're my rock, and without you, I would be nothing. And never forget, whatever happens, I love you Rick."

A single tear escaped from the corner of her eye and landed in the middle of the ring that lay in her palms. She replaced the ring on her finger and averted her gaze back to Castle.

She stood up, still holding his hand, and leant over him. How she wished she could hug him. She leant over his delicate forehead, and then kissed his lips, slowly, and passionately.

As she withdrew, she felt movement by her hand. As she sat back down in the chair, she felt his hand squeeze against hers, and then stop.

He had felt it, heard her, and for Kate that was enough. She would sit here as long as it took him to wake up.

She squeezed his hand back, and in a soft whisper, said "I love you, Rick".

THE END