A/N: This is my second attempt at Phan smut... let me know what you think in reviews. Please. I love you.
Disclaimer: I don't own Phil or Dan (sadly) and I'm not claiming any of this is real.
Dan placed his feet dejectedly on the ground, rolling off of his bed quietly as not to disturb the sleeping Phil beside of him. He rubbed his eyes, clearing his vision before heading into the bathroom. Once there, he splashed a little water in his face, then looked up to the mirror and sighed. What had he become?
Dan wouldn't have been thinking about this if it weren't for that comment. That one comment that made him realize so much about himself that he was actually scared.
I know a lot of people say they miss the old Dan, but I mean it. I miss when he wasn't afraid of being who he was and didn't try to conform to please everyone. It's changed him, and I'm not sure if it's for the better.
That comment had hit home with Dan, and he hadn't been able to properly sleep since.
"What are you doing up?"
Dan's eyes went to the door, where a half-naked Phil was standing with his hair a disarray and his expression confused and tired. Dan opened his mouth to answer, all but prepared to lie to Phil, but as soon as the first word left his lips, he was crying.
"Dan?" Phil asked, suddenly more awake. He walked over to his boyfriend's crying figure on the ground, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close. He allowed Dan to bury his head in his chest, rocking him gently back and forth as tears fell from his eyes. They sat like that for a few minutes before Phil got up the nerve to speak. "What's wrong?"
Dan sniffed, wiping his eyes hurriedly. "Look at w-what I've become, Phil," he began. "I've let th-them change m-me. I promised I'd n-never let that hap-ppen."
Phil kissed Dan's forehead, confused as to what he meant. "Dan, love, you're going to have to be more specific."
Dan shook his head, burying his face deeper into Phil's pale chest. "Don't act l-like you haven't noticed." He paused, recollecting his breath. "My videos, Phil. I-I've quit acting like m-myself in them."
Phil was quiet. He had noticed. He noticed how Dan had begun to rely on his audiences, and using them to decide what content to upload. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but Dan had promised himself years ago he'd never sell out. He promised that no matter what, he'd never quit acting like Daniel Howell on or off camera. And now that half of that promise was broken, Dan was upset. It made sense.
"It's okay," Phil settled for saying, running his fingers in patterns along the curves of Dan's back. "You've not done anything wrong."
Dan shook his head harder, sobs escaping his lips. "I've lost myself, Phil. I let m-myself down. How is that not wr-wrong?"
Phil pulled him closer, planting kiss after kiss in Dan's hair. He took his hand, dragging it up and down the length of Dan's side. "Because you didn't mean to."
Dan just continued to cry, his tears wetting Phil's bareskin, but he didn't seem to mind. They sat like that, alone, for a while longer. Finally, Dan broke the silence.
"How do I fix it, Phil?" he murmured, his voice low.
Phil grabbed Dan's chin, raising it until Dan was facing him. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, still damp from tears. The sight made a little water spring to his own eyes, but he ignored them, instead smiling down at his partner.
"I don't know," he said, using his thumb to wipe away a few stray tears. "But crying about it won't help."
Dan stared at Phil for a moment, just capturing the memory of his perfection. "You're right."
Phil kissed him on the lips slowly. "Of course I am," he said jokingly. "Ready to go back to bed, now?"
Dan nodded. "Yeah."
Dan followed Phil back into their bedroom, their hands locked as they walked. They each crawled back under the covers, resuming their positions of Phil being the big spoon with Dan cuddling into him, his bare back connecting with Phil's naked chest.
It wasn't long before Dan got an urge, then flipped himself over so he was facing Phil. He didn't other to say anything, simply smiling and playing with the end of Phil's hair as he leaned forward and connected their lips again. Phil's reaction was immediate, though slow.
Somewhere in the kiss, Dan ended up sliding his tongue into Phil's mouth, where Phil grazed it with his own. He pushed his abdomen forward until their was almost nothing between him and Phil. He intertwined his legs with Phil's, his hands grabbing at his sides.
Phil only reacted; he knew what was going on. This was Dan's way of forgetting the sadness he'd felt before. While Phil knew he should feel used, he didn't. Because he was sure Dan loved him, and he knew he wouldn't use him for sex and then ditch him.
Phil looped his arms behind Dan's back, forcing whatever might be between them to dissappear. He moved his mouth from Dan's and continued to kiss his jaw. Dan tilted his head upward, giving Phil easy access to his neck. Phil trailed his kisses down, biting and sucking at the skin of his neck. Dan let out a small moan, his eyes fluttering shut.
Phil thrusted his hips forward, causing a bit of friction between their erections. It surprised Dan, causing him to moan loudly. After the initial surprise was over, he brought Phil's head up to his, pressing a kiss to his nose. He then grinded his hips into Phil's, swirling them in circles.
Phil breathily groaned, the noise sounding ragged. He dug his fingers into Dan's back, nipping at the space just below Dan's ear. Dan continued to thrust his hips, Phil eventually doing the same.
They were both close, Dan could feel it. But he wasn't quite ready for this to be over just yet.
Dan stopped his hip movements, turning them so Phil was pinned down beneath him. He rolled his hips down into Phil's, leaning down to connect their lips again. As they kissed, his hands began to roam across Phil's body, feeling every inch of skin there was to touch. "So beautiful." He gripped at Phil's sides, allowing himself to take charge of the situation.
Phil began to pant harder and harder. "Dan.. gonna..."
Dan quickly stopped his movements, instead reaching his hand down into Phil's boxers and wrapping his hand around his member. He gripped the base, methodically moving his hand up and down. Phil was wrecked beneath him, and the sight drove Dan crazy.
Dan kissed Phil's cheek, then leaned to whisper in his ear. "Come for me."
Phil began to shoot white hot spurts across his own chest and onto Dan's hand. Dan smiled, removing his hand from Phil's underwear and licking the come off of his fingers. He sucked them long and hard, staring intently into Phil's eyes as he did.
Once Phil had completely ridden out his orgasm, he noticed Dan's still extremely hard length pressing into his thigh. Despite being a bit sensitive from having just came, he jerked his hips up into Dan's and watched as Dan's eyes rolled back into his head. He kept up a steady rhythm, while Dan began to lose his pace.
It was sort of beautiful, Phil decided. Watching Dan just fall apart like this. It was a nice sight, and Phil had to turn away before he became hard once again. He kept up the thrusting, however, and Dan was coming long and hard in minutes.
Once he had ridden out his orgasm as Phil had, he collapsed into a heap on top of Phil and stayed there for a couple of minutes.
"Aren't you going to go to sleep?" Phil asked.
"Yeah," Dan replied sleepily, burying his head into the crook of Phil's neck. "Right here. As long as that's okay with you, babe."
Phil smiled, brushing a few strands of hair from the side of Dan's head. "Of course it's okay."
Not replying with words, Dan cuddled himself further into Phil and sighed contentedly. "Night, Phil," he muttered.
Phil kissed the top of Dan's head, keeping his grin plastered on his face. Dan had his problems alright, and Phil hadn't fixed them permanently just yet. But he had helped Dan feel better about himself tonight, and that thought alone brought him peace.
"Night, Dan."
And they both fell asleep, completely oblivious to the outside world.
A/N: Thanks for reading. :)
-Kristen
