Warnings: this story contains nothing you won't find in the original manga, but let's face it, Loveless is pretty screwed up to start with.
Soubi has no trouble recognising Ritsuka when they first meet, thanks to the photos Seimei has shown him. The boy's first reaction should discourage him, but it doesn't. Obscurely, he's pleased with the anger, the wary hostility. In those dark eyes, he can see the knowledge of pain.
One who knows pain, knows strength.
His new Sacrifice needs to be strong.
He's not prepared for how everything changes the moment he mentions Seimei. The hostility vanishes, and suddenly Ritsuka looks young, lost. Vulnerable.
"Did you come to see me?" His eyes shine with hope, delight and just a hint of fear because that hope can be snatched away again.
He's here, Soubi reminds himself as Ritsuka happily drags him off to 'make memories', because this is where Seimei ordered him to be. He can't help but feel that it's wrong for Ritsuka to look at him like that.
Soubi feels more comfortable once he asks Ritsuka why all the photos are necessary, and that brilliant happiness vanishes. He keeps his own smile bland and meaningless, and revels a little in the way Ritsuka's expression wavers between confusion, defensiveness and irritation.
Their first encounter with another Fighter unit, and it's almost a relief. He protects Ritsuka, fights for Ritsuka, just like Seimei ordered. Soubi feels once again like he knows what he'd doing.
"I love you," he tells Ritsuka when it's over, and there it is again, that wary confusion. Soubi finds it quite satisfying.
He makes sure to repeat the words often, because he needs to bind Ritsuka to him, and there's no stronger incantation than this. He needs to make sure that if anything happens, it's Soubi Ritsuka will turn to. And watching as Ritsuka begins to believe it just a little bit more with every repetition, Soubi feels his chest tighten with something akin to panic.
He's here because Seimei ordered him. He needs to remember that.
"Have you found Seimei's will?" he asks with a smile, because it can only help if Ritsuka remembers it, too. No, he corrects himself, it will help because they need Ritsuka to find the information hidden there.
He watches as Ritsuka discovers the file with his name, prompts him with his true name - Loveless. A name that differs from the one carved into Soubi's neck.
He watches as Ritsuka read Seimei's declaration that he was murdered by Septimal Moon; sees the resolve form because Ritsuka knew all along Seimei was murdered, and now, just maybe, he can do something about it.
He watches as Ritsuka's face freezes with the final lines. Ritsuka: I have left you my Fighter Unit.
Bequeathed, like an old trinket or piece of furniture. Because Seimei ordered it.
He smiles as a look of betrayal and understanding dawns on Ritsuka's face. This is better, really.
Soubi doesn't hesitate. There is what he's looking for, in the angry lash of Ritsuka's voice as he demands answers. There is what he needs: power, strength, someone to command him. It sends a thrill of satisfaction through him.
"You can't love someone just because you're ordered to!" Ritsuka yells, and Soubi agrees. He is going against his name. Ritsuka is not his Sacrifice.
But Seimei was, and he's following Seimei's orders.
"I love you," he repeats, and Ritsuka flinches.
Something inside Soubi flinches too, and he remembers that first day, the way Ritsuka's face lit up when Soubi said that he was there to see him. He remembers the way Ritsuka looked at him - looked at him wrong - as if Soubi's presence was something special, something wonderful. As if he wasn't just a Fighter whose very existence held no worth without a Sacrifice to command him.
And he wonders if, just maybe, Ritsuka is wrong. Maybe it is because of Seimei's orders, or maybe it's the power of the words Soubi has used so often turning against him. Maybe it's just Ritsuka. Whatever the reason, Soubi's no longer so certain that he's lying.
He says it again. Ritsuka flinches, and Soubi is surprised at just how much it hurts. But that's okay.
One who knows pain knows strength.
A lesson Soubi has never forgotten. Has never let himself forget. He wonders if it's a lesson Ritsuka would understand.
Pain makes you stronger.
They'll both need to be strong for this.
Pain makes you real.