"Does Dana Scully Really Believe in Anything?"
by Capt. Janeway
SUMMARY: Scully attempts to tell us exactly what she believes in, if anything . . .
RATING: G
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This one isn't as wacky as the other fics I've written (except for "File Deleted,"
of course, which was a drama fic, so Idunno why I'm even mentioning it . . .), so please let me know
what you think. Sicily, thanx for letting me have the honor of being your Beta!! :)
FEEDBACK: I adore responsible readers who go easy on the flames. Thanx!! ;)
******************************************************************************
Yeah, uh, hi . . . My name's Dana Scully . . . I'm a medical doctor . . . I'm not very sure what else you'd
like to know about me . . .
My background? I've been with the FBI for about eight or nine years now, first with Special Agent
Fox Mulder (yeah, I know; he didn't let anybody call him by his first name because it was so lousy), but
then he got abducted by aliens a few months back . . . So, I got myself a new partner (okay, so maybe
he got me more than I got him . . .) named John Doggett. (Heck of a better name than "Fox Mulder," if
you ask me.) Okay, so maybe he's not all that new in the strictest definition of the word, but he's new
to me and the X-Files. He frustrates me sometimes because he doesn't really seem believe in anything.
Me, you ask? Sure! I believe in lots of stuff . . .
What exactly do I believe in, you ask? Do I believe in aliens? Well, uh, let's see . . . yeah, I guess I
kinda do, although we haven't had a problem with the Conspiracy in a while (Thank goodness! I don't
think I could take much more of that stinking Cigarette-Smoking Man) . . . I mean, I kinda believed
after Mulder rescued me from Antarctica and all (wasn't it sweet how he kept my little cross necklace
safe for me again?), but I guess I kinda went back to being a skeptic afterwards . . . part of my nature .
. . but now . . . Mmmmmm. I'm not sure. Let me get back to you on that one.
Next question? Do I believe I should move to a different apartment? Definitely. Do you have any idea
how many villains have been to my apartment?! I've lost count . . . Eugene Tooms (you know . . . the
liver-eating guy), Donny Pfaster (the hair-and-fingernail-collecting guy), and (of all people!) Alex
Krycek (but, he accidentally shot Melissa instead of me . . . good for me, bad for my sister . . .), just to
name a few. Then again, if Mulder ever came back, how would he know where I lived? I know he's
paranoid and smart and weird and resourceful and crazy and really cu okay, I'll cut that out . . . But,
like I was saying, how the heck would he ever find me? For all he'd know, I'd moved to Timbuktu!
And it's not like he'll be able to go back to his own old apartment (What do you mean, why not?! I've
got enough trouble trying to scrounge up the money to pay for my OWN rent, let alone his!! I'm
generous, but not that generous) . . . Okay, so maybe I really don't believe I should move to a different
apartment, for Mulder's sake . . .
Next question? Do I believe in ghosts? Mmmmm . . . Maybe. I mean, how do you explain those weird
people at that old abandoned mansion Mulder made me go into (on Christmas Eve, I might add . . .
very rude of him, I know!) who played all those creepy tricks on us? And how do you explain the fact
that my sister, Melissa (mentioned in the above paragraph) started posthumously calling people on the
telephone when I found out about Emily? Then again, if ghosts really DID exist, then why wouldn't
Deep Throat and Mr. X be helping Doggett and me find Mulder? In my mind, either ghosts don't exist,
or Deep Throat and Mr. X are big-time cheapskates . . . the former has my vote. So, um, that pretty
much takes care of that . . . I guess I don't believe in ghosts, after all.
But, really, I do believe in a lot of stuff!
Do I believe in God? Hmmmm . . . I guess so. I mean, weird yet convenient things happen all the time
to me (Mulder constantly saving me from villains who invade my apartment for seven seasons straight is
one example), but after that all those cults and evil Conspiracy people and so forth that I've seen . . .
I'm not so sure. I mean, sure, they get what's coming to them in the end, but why does it take so darn
long?! Okay, so maybe I'm not a real firm believer in God after all . . . No, you can't have my crucifix
necklace! It's mine!!
Next question? Do I believe in coincidences? Ah, yes, of course I do!! How else could I debunk
nearly every theory Mulder came up with prior to his abduction?! Things happen, you know?
Coincidence! But . . . then again, why did Mulder and I ever meet? Was that just coincidence, or
were we supposed to for some reason in order to educate me about aliens and Conspiracies and stuff
like that? So . . . I guess I really don't put a whole lot of faith in coincidence, either . . .
Last question? Okay, I'm sure this time I'll finally prove to you that I do believe in something!! I
promise!!
Do I believe in my new partner? Well, yeah, I guess I believe in Agent Doggett . . . I mean, sure, I
didn't when those cult people put that creepy parasite thing in my back, but then he rescued me (maybe
he still follows me around like he did when Mulder first disappeared . . . that was SO annoying! I
mean, I'd just be walking down the street to get a nice cup of coffee, and that stupid helicopter of his
would be up there, following me around! Ugh!) . . . I don't know . . . I'm still not entirely sure I trust
him after that time he worked on that really bloody case with the psychic killer guy, you know. Trust
me, I talked to Assistant Director Skinner about that, and he told me some spooky stuff. Agent
Doggett won't tell me anything whatsoever . . . he's still upset about the fact that even though we hardly
knew each other, I went into his house (Man! Why can't I get a whole darn house to myself?! I just
live in a stupid invasion-prone apartment!) uninvited, went into his bedroom, woke him up, and saw
him in his pajamas. What's the big deal about that? Mulder and I did that all the time!! (I had the most
direct path around his piles of stuff to his couch memorized there for a while.) Weird, I'm telling you.
This guy's weird. So . . . I guess I'm still pretty skeptical of him . . . no, I suppose I really don't believe
in him, after all.
What? That's all the time we've got?! No, please!! Ask me some more questions!! I know I believe
in SOMETHING!!!! Please!!! Wait!! NO!!!! DON'T END THIS FANFIC, PLEASE!!!!!!!! I DO
BELIEVE IN SOMETHING!!! JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME!!!!!!
******************************************************************************
Did this fic barely raise an eyebrow, or did it make you laugh so hard that you look like you're
crying to all your friends? Whatever the case may be, please let me know BY BEING A
RESPONSIBLE READER and REVIEWING MY FIC! Thanx!! ;)
by Capt. Janeway
SUMMARY: Scully attempts to tell us exactly what she believes in, if anything . . .
RATING: G
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This one isn't as wacky as the other fics I've written (except for "File Deleted,"
of course, which was a drama fic, so Idunno why I'm even mentioning it . . .), so please let me know
what you think. Sicily, thanx for letting me have the honor of being your Beta!! :)
FEEDBACK: I adore responsible readers who go easy on the flames. Thanx!! ;)
******************************************************************************
Yeah, uh, hi . . . My name's Dana Scully . . . I'm a medical doctor . . . I'm not very sure what else you'd
like to know about me . . .
My background? I've been with the FBI for about eight or nine years now, first with Special Agent
Fox Mulder (yeah, I know; he didn't let anybody call him by his first name because it was so lousy), but
then he got abducted by aliens a few months back . . . So, I got myself a new partner (okay, so maybe
he got me more than I got him . . .) named John Doggett. (Heck of a better name than "Fox Mulder," if
you ask me.) Okay, so maybe he's not all that new in the strictest definition of the word, but he's new
to me and the X-Files. He frustrates me sometimes because he doesn't really seem believe in anything.
Me, you ask? Sure! I believe in lots of stuff . . .
What exactly do I believe in, you ask? Do I believe in aliens? Well, uh, let's see . . . yeah, I guess I
kinda do, although we haven't had a problem with the Conspiracy in a while (Thank goodness! I don't
think I could take much more of that stinking Cigarette-Smoking Man) . . . I mean, I kinda believed
after Mulder rescued me from Antarctica and all (wasn't it sweet how he kept my little cross necklace
safe for me again?), but I guess I kinda went back to being a skeptic afterwards . . . part of my nature .
. . but now . . . Mmmmmm. I'm not sure. Let me get back to you on that one.
Next question? Do I believe I should move to a different apartment? Definitely. Do you have any idea
how many villains have been to my apartment?! I've lost count . . . Eugene Tooms (you know . . . the
liver-eating guy), Donny Pfaster (the hair-and-fingernail-collecting guy), and (of all people!) Alex
Krycek (but, he accidentally shot Melissa instead of me . . . good for me, bad for my sister . . .), just to
name a few. Then again, if Mulder ever came back, how would he know where I lived? I know he's
paranoid and smart and weird and resourceful and crazy and really cu okay, I'll cut that out . . . But,
like I was saying, how the heck would he ever find me? For all he'd know, I'd moved to Timbuktu!
And it's not like he'll be able to go back to his own old apartment (What do you mean, why not?! I've
got enough trouble trying to scrounge up the money to pay for my OWN rent, let alone his!! I'm
generous, but not that generous) . . . Okay, so maybe I really don't believe I should move to a different
apartment, for Mulder's sake . . .
Next question? Do I believe in ghosts? Mmmmm . . . Maybe. I mean, how do you explain those weird
people at that old abandoned mansion Mulder made me go into (on Christmas Eve, I might add . . .
very rude of him, I know!) who played all those creepy tricks on us? And how do you explain the fact
that my sister, Melissa (mentioned in the above paragraph) started posthumously calling people on the
telephone when I found out about Emily? Then again, if ghosts really DID exist, then why wouldn't
Deep Throat and Mr. X be helping Doggett and me find Mulder? In my mind, either ghosts don't exist,
or Deep Throat and Mr. X are big-time cheapskates . . . the former has my vote. So, um, that pretty
much takes care of that . . . I guess I don't believe in ghosts, after all.
But, really, I do believe in a lot of stuff!
Do I believe in God? Hmmmm . . . I guess so. I mean, weird yet convenient things happen all the time
to me (Mulder constantly saving me from villains who invade my apartment for seven seasons straight is
one example), but after that all those cults and evil Conspiracy people and so forth that I've seen . . .
I'm not so sure. I mean, sure, they get what's coming to them in the end, but why does it take so darn
long?! Okay, so maybe I'm not a real firm believer in God after all . . . No, you can't have my crucifix
necklace! It's mine!!
Next question? Do I believe in coincidences? Ah, yes, of course I do!! How else could I debunk
nearly every theory Mulder came up with prior to his abduction?! Things happen, you know?
Coincidence! But . . . then again, why did Mulder and I ever meet? Was that just coincidence, or
were we supposed to for some reason in order to educate me about aliens and Conspiracies and stuff
like that? So . . . I guess I really don't put a whole lot of faith in coincidence, either . . .
Last question? Okay, I'm sure this time I'll finally prove to you that I do believe in something!! I
promise!!
Do I believe in my new partner? Well, yeah, I guess I believe in Agent Doggett . . . I mean, sure, I
didn't when those cult people put that creepy parasite thing in my back, but then he rescued me (maybe
he still follows me around like he did when Mulder first disappeared . . . that was SO annoying! I
mean, I'd just be walking down the street to get a nice cup of coffee, and that stupid helicopter of his
would be up there, following me around! Ugh!) . . . I don't know . . . I'm still not entirely sure I trust
him after that time he worked on that really bloody case with the psychic killer guy, you know. Trust
me, I talked to Assistant Director Skinner about that, and he told me some spooky stuff. Agent
Doggett won't tell me anything whatsoever . . . he's still upset about the fact that even though we hardly
knew each other, I went into his house (Man! Why can't I get a whole darn house to myself?! I just
live in a stupid invasion-prone apartment!) uninvited, went into his bedroom, woke him up, and saw
him in his pajamas. What's the big deal about that? Mulder and I did that all the time!! (I had the most
direct path around his piles of stuff to his couch memorized there for a while.) Weird, I'm telling you.
This guy's weird. So . . . I guess I'm still pretty skeptical of him . . . no, I suppose I really don't believe
in him, after all.
What? That's all the time we've got?! No, please!! Ask me some more questions!! I know I believe
in SOMETHING!!!! Please!!! Wait!! NO!!!! DON'T END THIS FANFIC, PLEASE!!!!!!!! I DO
BELIEVE IN SOMETHING!!! JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME!!!!!!
******************************************************************************
Did this fic barely raise an eyebrow, or did it make you laugh so hard that you look like you're
crying to all your friends? Whatever the case may be, please let me know BY BEING A
RESPONSIBLE READER and REVIEWING MY FIC! Thanx!! ;)