Author's Note: after a long break away from Artemis Fowl fandom, I have returned with a one-shot centering around the main character. Apologies to those who have worried about my long absences.
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the characters here. They are the creation of the genius, Eoin Colfer and in writing this, I hope to express and show how much I admire him. No profit has been made from this work.
Warning! PWP (Plot? What Plot?) work.
Sometimes, being a genius isn't very easy. Everyone expects brilliant solutions from you at the blink of an eye. Everyone thinks you know everything every time.
But sometimes, you can feel the mass of all these expectations weigh so heavily on your shoulders that you just know, at some point, you are going to snap.
And when a genius cracks under the pressure, he doesn't just lash back like a rubber band snapping. No, the repercussions are far worse in the case of brilliant minds with IQs startling high.
As it happened, Artemis Fowl snapped.
All the years of having people like Butler, Juliet, Holly, everyone, depending so heavily on him to come up with a fantastic plan to beat all odds finally caught up with him.
So he committed suicide.
Committed suicide – but not the way of taking his life.
He did not stand in the luxurious Italian marble tiled bathroom and stare at the deepening crow feet around his cold calculating eyes and slash his wrist with an ivory handled blade.
No, he did not watch calmly as the blood poured from his mutilated wrist and painted the stark whiteness of the floor with crimson splatters.
Death by slashing of the wrist seemed far too messy.
If he wanted to commit suicide, it could be clean.
Popping a couple of his mother's sleeping pills might be cleaner – no blood to clean up after his death. He would feel sleepy. And after closing his eyes, he would slip into blissful unconsciousness.
But no… he did not choose to slash his wrist or to overdose himself with prescription drugs.
Simply, the method Artemis chose to commit suicide was by far more simpler and cleaner.
If far worse...
Artemis simply… stopped being Artemis.
It was as if one day, he woke up and decided that his IQ level should drop a notch. He gave up being who he is…
He pulled off his satin pajamas and slipped into clothes he considered… tasteless.
Without brushing his teeth (something he never did in his entire life because he understands the importance of having pearly whites in the negotiations during dirty business like extorting and such like) and trudged downstairs for breakfast.
He abandoned the dish Butler had so painstakingly prepared for him and opted for cornflakes with cold milk.
Although he shuddered inwardly as he swallowed spoonful after spoonful of the stuff, he forced himself to continue. Sugared Cocoa-bombs were not exactly what one might call nutritious.
Of course, being a sharp bodyguard, Butler did not fail to notice the sudden change in his employer.
Artemis was not one to indulge in junk food.
Afterwards, he trudged to the living room where the huge plasma television set dominated one entire wall of the room. There Artemis sat, watching Disney cartoons and chuckling at the antics of Pluto and Goofy.
All this while, Juliet and her brother watched with deepening concern from the shadows – this was not the Artemis they knew.
Although he tried to completely kill and suppress the old Artemis, and put on a normal young adolescent façade, inside, Artemis was screaming.
His old self screamed to be let out but his alter ego kept him in bars.
No – he wanted to change and be someone else.
Someone he could be if he did not carry such a heavy burden or the intelligence he had.
That night, during dinner, Artemis snuck the grilled salmon out from his plate onto the napkin on his lap. After the salmon, broccoli, carrot sticks and crab meat followed.
As the mixed juices seeped into the material and threaten to make a stain on his lap, Artemis plastered a smile on his pale face and excused himself from the table.
He was aware of the eyes following him from the dinner table but he did not care.
He felt guilty afterwards, for flushing the entire content of the napkin into the toilet bowl but he felt as if he had little choice in the matter.
Later that night, when his stomach juices went into an overdrive and his stomach aching and rumbling, Artemis reached for the phone and dialed for help.
Anxiously he waited on the couch at the foyer. As seconds ticked by, accented by the Brazilian grandfathers clock in the corner, he clutched his middle in pain.
Finally, the welcomed sound of a motorcycle far away at the front gates forced him from his warm seat. He pushed the button and the gates slid open.
The engine sounds drew nearer and Artemis fumbled with disabling the security locks on the arch door. When he drew the door open, he almost sighed with relief at the sight before him.
He reached into his back pocket and withdrew some bills and paid the late night visitor. He took the package carefully and thanked him profusely. He latched the door, entered the 14 digit code into the panel and pushed the button so the front gates closed again as soon as the visitor left the Fowl grounds.
Holding the warm package in front of him, he headed straight for the kitchen.
They say that late night snacks are not good for one's health. But he did not care. The thick aroma seduced him and he enjoyed every bite of the beef pepperoni pizza he'd ordered.
Butler found him early the next morning and he hesitantly carried his charge to bed.
When Artemis awoke, he decided that he had enough of living the way he did for the pass twenty four hours.
When Butler saw him descending silently down the stairs, he knew at once the Artemis he knew so well was back from the way he carried himself with quiet dignity.
'Hello, Butler.'
'Artemis,' Butler nodded. Holding his gaze, Butler gravely said, 'Welcome back, sir.'
Artemis smiled vampire smile and tugged at his cuffs, 'It's good to be back.'
Butler studied the teenager before him.
'Oh, and Butler?'
'Sir?'
'I have a slight stomach upset. I suspect it was from last night's late… venture.'
Butler hid a grin.
Yes, Artemis Fowl the Second was back.
Some say that the miraculous return was partly due to the fact that Artemis's late night snack did not agree with him and pushed him to return.
How true this is, nobody knows. But one thing is for certain – Artemis is back and is extremely cranky about his loose bowels.
THE END
Author's note: Thanks for reading. And comments, feedback and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.