Disclaimer: Lost isn't mine, and neither are its characters.
AN: I heart Sawyer:)
Summary: Angsty Kate/Sawyer. Takes place during Every Man for Himself. Sawyer's response to the quote below. Strong lang. in small doses. Please R&R!
.1.
...Old Habits...
"I only said that so he'd stop
hitting you."
Her voice is bitter
and while part of him is
sure
she's only trying to hurt him,
another
Larger part
is screaming of course of course
How could she love him?
So he can't help if he looks
bitter
desperate
destroyed
How could she love him?
Part of him is broken
again again
But he tries to shrug it off
He doesn't care and never has
he's an unfeeling bastard, right?
Right?
So it stung a little, he's not one to dwell, right?
Right?
He's glad she doesn't love him, less hassle to deal with, right?
Right?
And ignore the small part screaming that so
much of him is broken so
much of him is damaged, banged-up and held together with glue and pride
He hasn't really got much left.
But he doesn't care.
He's never cared never needed anyone or anything
Never.
So why would she care about him?
He's Sawyer-without-a-name
He is no one
Everyone everything everyone sometimes wants to be
The redeemed villian
The one that does the right thing in the end
That tells the fucking girl to go.
If she cared, would she stay here? With him?
but she doesn't love him.
Never loved him but he never deserved never wanted love.
And he never loved...
To say it would break the last whole piece he has left.
So he will not say her name. Imagine her face. Hear the scream in her voice as she said she loved him.
Lied to protect him.
Self-preservation has always come first in the past
and old habits die hard.