Hi it's me again….

I don't know if you're actually getting or listening to my messages since you won't call me back so I thought I'd try this instead. Your Mum did ring me though to tell me you'll be going home soon which is good news, I'm glad you're doing better. You really had me worried.

I'm assuming she's probably told you that I'm out in Nigeria for three months training? Otherwise I would've been there with you and it might not be quite so easy for you to pretend I don't exist. So anyway- don't worry, you'll have the house to yourself and I won't be calling you constantly either. You've already made it painfully clear you don't want to talk to me. I'm hoping maybe you can just reply to this and let me know that you're alive at least? I'd love it if you'd call me back but I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.

I know I said I wasn't going to sit back and watch you do this to yourself but maybe I should've been a bit clearer. I didn't exactly mean that you should run off and stay with your parents, ignore all my calls and messages and then take another tour without telling me. We're supposed to be a team. All I really meant was that I wanted you to let me in.

I know things have been hard since Elvis, I don't know anyone who wouldn't be fucked up after that. Think about the state I was in after Smurf, I could barely think straight. I get it, I really do.

That's my point though, it's okay if you're not okay. What's not okay is you hiding behind your uniform and burying your head in the sand because you're going to have to deal with it all at some point and ignoring me and hiding from the truth isn't going to make it go away.

I love you- I'd really like to think you know that given that I married you and everything, but you seem to have forgotten so I just thought maybe I'd remind you. I want to be there and help you through this but it's not exactly easy when you seem determined to shut me out and push me away. Don't forget, there was a time where you loved me too, enough that you decided you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Don't even get me started on that whole cheesy for better or worse thing.

When I got told what had happened in Belize I was trying to picture what I'd do if they didn't get to you in time and I had to live the rest of my life without you. The thing is I couldn't even begin to imagine it. I don't want to have to either. I married you because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. If I'd known you were going to throw it all away the second things got a little bit difficult then maybe I would've thought twice about it.

I know you lost Elvis and it hurts, but we all lost him Charles. He was my friend too. But do you really think he'd want you to do this?

You keep telling me you can't do this anymore but I'm finding it difficult to believe without any kind of reason why. We were happy, I'd like to think we still could be if you'd just let me in and actually talk to me instead of ignoring me and hoping I'll go away.

The bottom line is if you're 100% sure this is exactly what you want and that I can't make you happy anymore then I can't stop you. I won't try and stop you if you can give me an explanation why. I love you enough to want you to be happy, even if I have to find a way to accept that I might not be a part of that anymore.

Either way, we need to talk about this properly when I get back and you can try and avoid it all you like you know I'm not going to take no for an answer. I'm not going to let you throw away our marriage via email. I want to make this work, I guess the question now is whether you do too?

Stay safe and look after yourself. Hopefully I'll speak to you soon.

Molly xx