Note: LotR belongs to the estate of J. R. R. Tolkien, "Hotel California" to the Eagles.
"Tower of Cirith Ungol"
As sung by Shagrat
To the tune of "Hotel California" by the Eagles
Shelob was out a-hunting
A gift from her Sneak
Then she sat on a nail though
We didn't hear her shriek
Found a spy in the pathway
He was out like a light
Saw the wound from the stinger
He was the gift alright
Gorbag said "There's another"
It's clear he is about"
And I was thinking to myself
'Gorbag's brain must have fallen out'
So we entered the Tower
And we stashed him away
There were voices up the stairwell
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Tower of Cirith Ungol
There's no sport today
He'll be sent away
Sent to his doom from the Tower of Cirith Ungol
To Lugbúrz he goes
To tell what he knows
He woke up on the top floor
Knew that he had reached the end
And again Gorbag told me to watch out
For the friend
Now I did not trust his lot
Though we hadn't fought yet
"Don't eat spies" we were ordered
But they might forget
Gorbag he pinched the mail-shirt
With the mithril shine
I said "You put that plunder down
It's all for the Great Eye."
And still those voices are calling
While done away
As the Orcs tore each other apart
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Tower of Cirith Ungol
There's no sport today
He'll be sent away
We're falling apart at the Tower of Cirith Ungol
Snaga, Shagrat, spy
All remain alive
Bell clanged in the ceiling
Seems someone's got in here
Said Snaga, "There's a foe that's got inside
Just like Gorbag feared."
And in the upstairs chamber
Snaga fell and croaked
While I found Gorbag still alive
And overkilled the bloke
Last thing I remember
I was running out the door
The two Hobbits they got past
The Watchers like before
I took the loot down to Lugbúrz
For Sauron to receive
Then he stripped me of my captaincy
Lugbúrz I cannot leave