I've had EstLiet feelings in my head for a while now, and I had to get them down on paper. I hope to make a contribution to EstLiet on this site, especially considering that when I looked it up, there were less than ten stories for the pairing. Am I really one of the only people who ships them?
I should really be updating 'Love Simulations', and some other stuff, but I just had to get this down.
I apologise in advance for any bad feelings caused by this story, along with any historical and cannon inaccuracies.
Both of the characters' thoughts are in italics. I think, however, that it is possible to tell the difference between them.
The narrow beam of light shone through the door, falling on the still, silent figure positioned in the corner of the room, his face turned towards the wall.
"Lithuania?"
Estonia's concerned voice cut through the steely silence as he briefly studied the unresponsive figure. Recognising defensive body language, he chose not to approach the other nation straight away.
"What are you doing here, Estonia?"
The response was spoken harshly, and had been delivered many moments too late. Estonia pushed his own personal feelings of rejection out of the way, reminding himself that he needed to focus. It wasn't like Lithuania to be so cold and uncaring, suggesting to Estonia that there were painful emotions concealed behind Lithuania's words.
"I just wanted to talk."
He spoke quietly and slowly, as if he were afraid of upsetting the other nation.
Lithuania had turned away from Estonia in order to conceal his feelings. He could hear the pain and sorrow in his companion's voice even as he closed his eyes briefly to escape the bitter reality of the situation.
"I don't have time to talk to you, Estonia. I'm sorry. I have piles of work to do, and it's past midnight."
Excuses came easily to Lithuania. He had become increasingly talented at thinking them up while he had been living at Russia's house, even if they hadn't often paid off.
I can't do this now. It is too hard for me. How can I share with anyone my pain? What if I get hurt again?
Estonia did not give up easily. If he wanted something, and had decided that it was possible to obtain, he would keep working towards it. He watched the other, trying to think of the best words to use.
If only Lithuania would let him in, he would give him the loving care and the comfort that he deserved. He just needed to make Lithuania open up.
"You never have the time anymore, Lithuania. Not for me; not for Latvia; not for anyone."
The words had their intended effect. Lithuania gave a short gasp and began to shake slightly, his hands covering his face. Estonia slowly walked over to him, placing a gentle hand on his wrist to steady him.
Lithuania flinched at the contact and jerked his arm away, refusing to meet the other nation's eyes. Estonia turned to face the suffering nation, his eyes filled with pain.
"I called you; I wrote to you; I even called your government to arrange a meeting, yet every single one of these requests you ignored. Why are you blocking everyone out, Lithuania? Is that what you want? To hurt us?"
Lithuania paled slightly, but he managed to keep self-control.
No. Please stop, Estonia. I can't take this; not now. It's too much.
Lithuania barely reacted when Estonia reached up to softly touch his cheek. His eyes were dry, but inside he was breaking apart.
"Why are you doing this to yourself, Lithuania? Being separated from everyone must be an unhappy way to live. You've even stopped contacting Poland; the person whom you used to love so long ago."
At the sound of Poland's name, Lithuania snapped out of the darkness, pushing Estonia abruptly away from him.
"Don't mention Poland to me. You have no idea what happened between us."
"You don't love him anymore."
The following silence was answer enough. Somewhere secretly within him, Estonia celebrated the battle that had already been won.
Lithuania saw that his companion grasped the fact, realising that he'd have to tell another lie to deter the other's persistent advances.
"I don't need anyone, Estonia. I am free now. Now that I have my independence, I..."
Estonia raised his hand to stop the oncoming speech. He knew that the other nation wouldn't be able to deny his loneliness and desperation for much longer.
"Say that again while looking at me, Lithuania. I've been through much of what you have; I have some idea of what this feels like for you."
He lifted the other's limp hand to caress it softly. The move startled Lithuania, but this time he didn't pull away.
"I still hear them." He murmured thickly, "My people. I hear their screams. I hear them in my sleep, and in my every waking hour I can't forget all that Russia did to me."
Estonia blinked, studying the other's pained expression.
"We all get those dreams, Lithuania. You especially, since you were called to suffer so much more than us."
"I used to be strong." The words were whispered. "Why did it have to happen to us?"
The agony in Lithuania's eyes was obvious, mirrored by Estonia's own facial expression. Somehow his arm found its way around Lithuania's waist, and the two found themselves wrapped in a tight embrace.
I don't know. I can't provide you with an answer. I'm sorry, my love.
"I miss you. I need you, Lithuania. I wake up hoping that you'll be lying by my side, but I'm always alone."
The words were spoken honestly, painstakingly. They called out for a reaction, yet the receiver was unable to respond.
I want you too.
Suddenly Lithuania froze, pulling himself out of Estonia's grasp.
"I can't do this, Eduard. I'm sorry."
Estonia was surprised to hear Lithuania use his human name. If only the nation would stop blocking him out, everything between them would be gone. He needed to say something, and soon.
"You're afraid, Toris. Afraid of being hurt again. You won't let anyone come close to you in case they damage you."
It was an observation, and a somewhat harsh one at that, but it rang so true that Lithuania didn't reject it.
He knows. He must understand, then.
"Aren't you afraid?"
A brief nod.
"Yes, but I try not to let it get in my way. We have to move on now."
Lithuania turned away from his companion again, trying to conceal the desperate need in his eyes.
"I can't trust you."
"Please, just let me hold you. I need to feel you close to me."
Estonia took hold of the other nation again, resting his head against his neck. If he could only tell Lithuania the truth, perhaps the wall between them would be broken.
I love you.
"We've both been broken, in ways that not many can understand, yet we have each other. We are fortunate to have each other. We must hold on to each other."
Lithuania dropped to his knees, and Estonia knelt down beside him, refusing to let him go. The breathing of the other nation was haggard, and his face was a pale, skeletal white.
"Why are you doing this now, Eduard? All of those years, while Russia still possessed us, you could've been there for me, yet I was always alone."
Before, Estonia had been supporting Lithuania's shaking frame. The instant that he registered the nation's words, he grabbed hold of him, restricting his movements. Lithuania was not alarmed by the sudden grip, nor did he protest against it.
Estonia's hands suddenly went to Lithuania's shirt, stripping him of it cleanly in a moment. Still the nation remained silent.
Estonia finally released his grip on Lithuania's body, allowing the nation to fall against him. His fingers traced the scars on Lithuania's back, every touch gentle and loving.
"They don't hurt you anymore, do they?"
The words were spoken as softly as the feather-light touches.
No, it doesn't hurt me when you touch me like that.
"Toris, I can't tell you how sorry I am. All that time, I let you take most of Russia's cruelty. You were strong; stronger than the other two of us put together, and I was afraid. I'm sorry."
An empathetic pause.
"You have scars too, Eduard."
Lithuania found it hard to take the sympathy. Pity was hard to receive; it meant that you were acknowledging a weakness. Estonia felt his resistance and allowed him to support himself.
The minute that Estonia released him, Lithuania fell forward onto his chest, unable to hold himself up for much longer.
See? You do need me after all.
Perhaps if I try now, he won't push me away.
Estonia pulled himself over Lithuania; his body warming up the other's, his lips pressed against the other's neck.
"They are nothing compared to yours though, Toris."
Lithuania tried to gain control of his gasps, slowly relaxed into Estonia's embrace. Slowly he felt his fears and doubts slip away from him.
"If you are cold, I will warm you up; If you are hurt, I will be there to comfort you. I'll hold on to you. Let me love you."
The words were whispered lovingly in Lithuania's ear. Estonia's fingers were threaded through the other's hair and passion was in his eyes.
Lithuania felt release.
"I'm sorry, Estonia. I have been ignoring you for too long, when all along I should've been close to you. Let's love each other. I'll be right beside you."
Estonia lifted himself off of Lithuania, turning the other's body so that they could meet each other's eyes. Tears had somehow come to both of them. As they embraced, their bodies were filled with a warmth that neither of them had known in a long time.
Their lips met in a soft and loving kiss; sought after for so long, obtained so hungrily. For a while they lay in each other's arms, trying to get as close as possible to each other.
They were to remain like that for a long, long time.
Their last words were spoken with meaning.
"Let's look towards the future."
"Who knows. We might even be happy."
This story is not yet finished, however when I do get round to other chapters, they won't be in chronological order. I hope that EstLiet grows throughout the fandom.
Thank you for reading.